Why Aren't You Miserable?

So Monday morning I was checking my email and low and behold I have a message from "Monica", my first ever real girlfriend... my high school "sweetheart"... the girl who took my virginity... the girl that once caused me to steal my parents car and run away from home (long story)... the girl I recently wrote about here.

I haven't heard from, or heard about "Monica" in nearly a decade... As I explained in the above referenced post, when we parted ways "Monica" basically hated me. Now here she was trying to contact me... the guy she hated.

To make a long story short, I responded to her email, and we did some catching up. She lives far, far away. She's happily married. She has a kid. A good job. Her life is beautiful... We got to set the record straight on a few things, do some apologizing, and a little reminiscing... This is all wonderful news of course... Except for one small thing...

Her happiness really pisses me off.

Yeah sure, part of me is genuinely happy for her. I'm happy with my life, she should be happy with hers. She deserves that much. She was and is a good person.

But there is a another part of me, the part that is still an immature teenager, that wants to hear that her life is terribly fucked up... that she never got over me... that after we went our separate ways she was hit with nothing but misfortune and hard luck... that she had to turn to pills and booze to try and numb the pain of losing me... that she's still in therapy trying to put the pieces back together... that I left a permanent scar on her psyche, damn it!

But no... there she is in pictures, looking as good as she did in high school, smiling, taking her kid out for his first Halloween experience. And of course the little fucker is cute as hell. I'm not one of those people that think all babies are cute, but even I have to admit that this kid is cute.

She wouldn't even give me the satisfaction of admitting that she's thought about me over the years! When I asked what made her look me up after all this time she gave me this crap about how she hadn't even thought about me in years but she was on a certain social networking website related to high school, looking for someone else when she found Moe Greene's profile, which led her to my profile... so it was all just a big accident really...Basically, "you didn't mean shit"... but you know, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!