The Pineapple Cold Killer

I've been fighting off a cold for a little over a week now. It started last Sunday morning when I woke up with a sore throat and a headache. From there it got worse, then better, and then worse again. The low point was last Friday, the day after Thanksgiving when I totally lost my voice. It's been getting a little better every day since then and the soreness is basically gone... Only now I have a really nasty cough developing!

So last night I decided to take drastic measures... I'm behind at work, and in school I have 2 major reports due this week and a final to prep for. I just can't be hampered with this cold right now. I decided the best course of action would be to try and kill this cough right now with a massive wave of over the counter cold medications. The mix I came up with will be from this point on known as "The Pineapple Cold Killer".

I should start by giving you some background... A few weeks ago my wife brought home some pineapple flavored soda because it was on sale. It sounded nasty to me so I avoided it for several days until it was basically the only thing left to drink. Out of options, I broke down and tried it. And it was great! I'm addicted. I can't stop drinking the stuff.

We've also had some left over pineapple flavored rum I haven't been able to get rid of from a Sangria experiment that went bad a couple months back. Well last night I decided I would mix the two together and throw in a shot of grape cough syrup just for the hell of it. I used the drink to wash down 3 NyQuil gel capsules.

So if you're keeping score at home "The Pineapple Cold Killer" recipe looks like this:

-Approximately 2 cups of Pineapple Soda
-1 very generous shot of Pineapple Rum
-1 dose of grape cough syrup
-3 NyQuil pills (the box recommends 2, but I'm looking for results here so fuck recommendations)

After chugging the whole thing down (it tasted pretty damn good) I got into bed to watch some TV and unwind a bit while I waited for the "Pineapple Cold Killer" to take affect. I looked at the clock. It read 8:52 pm. I decided my final move would be to lather my chest with a layer of Vick's Vapor rub just to really top things off...

But it never happened. 7 and a half hours later my wife was shaking me to wake up because my alarm had been going off for 20 minutes and I hadn't even noticed... She claims that when she came to bed last she found me with the unopened bottle of Vick's in my hand, my cell phone resting on my stomach, and all the blankets mysteriously lying in the floor!

When I finally managed to crawl out of bed and walk to the shower it felt like I had just stepped off a merry-go-round. I was dizzy, off balance, and slightly disoriented. Even 20 minutes after my shower I was still pretty groggy... But, for the most part, "The Pineapple Cold Killer" worked! I can breathe through my nose. My throat isn't sore. My voice is back. And the cough is more or less under control! I feel like a new man.

Was it safe for me to drive my car to the Metro parking garage this morning?

Probably not...

Was it healthy to take all that medicine?

I doubt it...

Will I try "The Pineapple Cold Killer" again the next time I have a really bad cold?

AB-SO-LUTELY!*






*I'll probably make sure I have at least 9 hours to sleep it off next time... and maybe that 3rd NyQuil pill was a bit unnecessary. But it's tough to argue with results!