So here's the list, I started with the one on dating that came up in the previous post:
1. Treat a 'lady' like a 'whore' and a 'whore' like a 'lady'.
2. ALWAYS ask for a lawyer, no matter what!
3. NEVER take the breathalyzer!
4. A good lawyer can get you out of ANYTHING! (sort of related to #2, but not exactly the same]
5. If you're driving drunk the key is to stay in your lane and drive 5 miles an hour over the limit. If you drive at the limit or just under it's a dead giveaway.
6. [an extension of #5] If you've got anything illegal in your car it's a good idea to take a quick stroll around the car before your trip and make sure no lights are broken and that they're all functioning properly.
7. Never quit a job or a woman unless you've already got something else lined up.
8. Always keep a girl with low self esteem on the side that you can call up at 2 a.m. and say "I'm coming over" in case you're real date doesn't end the way you had hoped.
9. Always go for the quiet girl.
10. If walk up to 100 women and tell them directly that you want to take them back to your place and have sex, 99 will probably slap you in the face... but there will always be that one that says "let's go". *
11. There are no rules in a fight and no such thing as a cheap shot.
12. If you're ever out numbered in a fight, act crazy. People are afraid of crazy.
13. Drive away like nothing happened.
14. NEVER confess.
15. Never trust someone who's eyes are too close together.
16. Stay away from people who have a "Napoleon Complex".
17. It's easier to ask for forgiveness than ask for permission.**
18. Never lie to your doctor or lawyer.***
* I spoke to my dad about this and he insists that the ratio is 1 out of every 10 will say "let's go"... He might be right, but to me the importance of the advice is to always play the law of averages... It's all about keeping hope alive in the face of failures. What can I say, my Dad is one inspirational dude.
**This is one of my personal favorites... It took me a while to really get it, but it works on so many levels. Yeah obviously it means just do what you want and then deal with the consequences later, but its much deeper than that... If you ask someone for permission you're empowering them. There is a good chance they might say 'no' just because they can say 'no'. And then of course, if someone tells you 'no' and then you defy them, they're less likely to ever forgive or pardon your indiscretion... Example:
Me: Hey when I'm house sitting for you next week do you care if me and some friends have a couple of strippers come to the house for a little party?
Moe: No way, my wife would freak out if she ever found out I let you did that.
Now I'm screwed. No party. No strippers. And if I ignore him and do it anyway he'll never let me house sit again and might not talk to me for a couple of weeks. Plus now he knows to check the basement to see if I accidentally left any empty beer bottles, discarded cigar tobacco, or condom wrappers. Not cool.
But, in my Dad's scenario, I never say shit to Moe... I have the party, good times are had by all. Everyone goes home happy. Then when Moe gets back:
Me: Moe, I hope you don't mind but while you were gone I had some friends come over with some strippers and we had a little party. But everything went okay.
Moe: Well I wish you had asked me first, but thank god everything went okay.
See... That scenario is much nicer. Plus, now he's part of the conspiracy. Now when he goes down to his basement to check for evidence it will be to help me get away with it rather than catch me in a lie!
***Lawyers are a really prominently involved in all of my Dad's advice... If you ever need a lawyer, ask my Dad to hook you up.
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7 comments:
Moe: Well I wish you had asked me first, but thanks god everything went okay.
And that's EXACTLY what he would have said in scenario 2! Great example :)
The only repeated advice I can remember from my parents was, "Remember who you are and what you are." It has rhythm but lacks the zing of the lady/whore wisdom.
i know someone who should hear number 7!!!
My mom gave me that advice about asking for forgiveness instead of permission.
Hahaha...you have a cool dad if not typical. A few comments... all should be prefaced with "IMHO".
1. Every woman knows fundamentally this has alot of truth to it. No woman likes the guy who is too nice, its a turn off. Also, to get a girls attention you have to be different than the rest of the guys. If she is really sexy, never tell her she is or when you do, frame it as a psuedo compliment. Your goal is to separate yourself from the pack.
7. Is true because the key to every relationship is confidence...and having someone(s) on the side always gives you that extra confidence. In fact, the only two times I "fell" for a girl were when I was taken out of my element. Once, when I was 17 my mom sent me to McAllen, Texas for a while because Compton was getting crazy...the girl I was dating would write me 3 times a week. The second time was when I graduated from college and moved to San Diego. As is typical of guy friends, nobody would come and visit me...but my gf at the time would. Alot. Something about being alone opens you up to emotions. It sucks!
8. Reminds me of what my friends say, "A low self esteem is the gift that keeps on giving". And really, fundamentally, IMHO, all women have low self esteem to some degree. It's as much a part of a woman as a big ego is a part of a guy. Of course some woman hide it better than others but its always accessible and, more importantly, its very loosely correlated with their looks. IOW, don't just assume that because she is super fine that she has a higher self esteem than if she was ugly - in fact, in most cases the opposite is more true.
Subtle tricks can be used to throw a girl off and tap into that low self esteem. Sometimes its as simple as comments like, if she was a blond to say, "You would look really good as a brunette". Of course you must always keep the upper hand too...
Btw, another very important thing with a woman is always, always, be consistent. Women value that so much that it doesn't matter what you are consistent about, just be consistent. If you are an asshole....always be an asshole. Its when you change that you lose control.
Enough about girls...I've already said too much. ;-)
Regarding 12, assuming the fight plays out, another important advice is to always go for the smallest person. If you are about to be jumped by 2+ guys and you try to hit all of them, chances are they are each going to go home with a bloody nose or black eye at worst. But if you are getting jumped and focus just on one person, the chances that one of them ends up at the hospital too is significantly greater. Plus it helps ease the pain...you have someone to focus your anger on. (btw, it doesn't have to be size, your goal is to pick the guy you think you have the best chance of dominating, if you know its someone else who may be bigger, pick him)
Oh, and another important one is to create a safety zone around you. As soon as the other person enters that safety zone (usually within striking distance) then enough with the talking, it's fighting time. Else they have a better chance of getting the cheap shot in...and their probability of winning is higher.
My $.02 cents.
my dad once told me that in this world there are no real friends. to never depend on anyone for anything. and when i first moved out my mom told me to ALWAYS have a box of eggs in the fridge..."you will never go hungry". Til this you will ALWAYS see eggs in my fridge.
Lauren- so what happens when you're like 15 and at that stage when you have no clue about who you are or what you are? I'll just stick to treating whores like ladies thank you.
CAD- Well for your sake lets hope he's never been given that speech by my dad before.
Sonrisa- I feel the same way about ramen noodles.
HP- I would have prefaced those with an "IMHO" but my Dad's opinions are never humble, and in his mind not opinions, but facts.
as for your comments, we agree on pretty much everything. the power of the backhanded compliment can never be overstated, "wow, you look good in those jeans, they make you look thin!" etc.
I'd never really thought about the possibility that all women have a fundamental, underlying self-esteem issue, but I think you're on to something there. I like it.
if my dad could reply to your fight comments he would add in something about going after the leader first... of course if you can't pick that guy out then going for a small guy is always a good idea.
The safety zone is also a really good idea. I'm adding it to the list I keep in my head immediately.
I busted out laughing on #12. Too Funny. Dad's advice is so classic - "no te crees de ningun cabron" words to live by ;-)
I really think your old man is a genius. I have without knowing adopted some of those rules. lol.
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