Inner Peace

So last night I made dinner… That’s actually not a big deal at all. I cook dinner probably 4 or 5 times a week and truth be told- my dinners are always way better than my wife’s.

But don’t let my role as family chef fool you… I still refuse to wash dishes, do the laundry, vacuum the carpet, or make tortillas. Those are all jobs for women… [I do partake in the occasional dusting in the living room, but it’s because I have allergies damn it!]

In case you’re wondering, I whipped up a very tasty (but wildly unhealthy) batch of my famous lemon chicken strips with a side order of beer batter shrimp. With the left over batter I make these little cakes sprinkled with brown sugar as desert… On a scale of 1 to 10 I would grade this meal as a solid 13.

Anyway… After stuffing my face with my restaurant quality meal, I laid on the couch planning to settle in for a night of TV watching. Predictably, I nodded off to sleep.

When I woke up I was watching some Discovery Channel travel documentary… The host was Jeremy Piven and he was on some sort of spiritual journey through India. He was dressed in Hindu robes and participating in some sort of night time ritual where people were pushing little boats full of candles down a river.

The candles were supposed to represent the negative things in your life that you wanted to get rid of. Or maybe the candles were supposed to represent your hopes and dreams. I can’t really remember. But I do know that it was supposed to represent some deep meaningful shit.

Piven was describing the scene through narration as surreal and added that it was “…the closest he had ever come to having an out of body experience.”

I was still pretty drowsy and confused… plus I had downed a couple of beers while putting together my beer batter shrimp (for tasting purposes only I assure you). And so I had to concur with Jeremy, it was also the closest I had ever come to an out of body experience as well…

I drifted back to sleep during the commercial break and the next time I awoke Piven was talking to some sort of guru with long black hair. It was beautiful thick hair and it was peppered with a couple of brilliant gray streaks. They (Piven and the Guru) seemed so relaxed and at peace with the world around them... It was then that I decided I would become a Hindu… or a Buddhist… or whatever the fuck Jeremy Piven and this Indian guy were.

At some point I managed to stumble my way into the bedroom where my wife was already asleep. Before diving into the covers I set the alarm for an hour earlier than I would normally wake up. My plan was to get up early and practice some form of meditation to kick off my first day as a Hindu (or Buddhist).

When the alarm starting going off a few hours later things didn’t quite go as I had planned. I hit the snooze four or five times before forcing myself out of bed. I walked out of the bedroom with the intention of meditating in the living room but it never happened. I totally forgot what I was going to do once I got to there… So I decided to make a bagel instead. (poppy seed bagel, toasted lightly, extra cream cheese).

So far my life as a Hindu (or Buddhist) is not off to a good start. But that bagel was really good!