Taking Aim at Monday

Well it’s Monday morning and I’m not at all happy about it.

Normally Monday’s don’t bother me nearly as much as they seem to bother the average person. I like my job enough that I don’t dread coming to work. In fact, sometimes during the week when coworkers are gleefully counting down the days until the weekend, I forget what day it is completely.

Three weeks ago I was actually convinced that it was Wednesday when it was in fact Friday… I made a comment to someone about how the office had cleared out “as if it were Friday.” He gave me a confused look before finally explaining to me that it was in fact Friday and that we were only an hour away from the weekend. It took him about 5 minutes to convince me… I was sure it was Wednesday.

So anyway, the week goes by pretty fast for me and while I do look forward to the weekend, I don’t harbor any ill will towards Monday.

But today is different… I’m sore… I’m tired… I’m sick…

For some reason I couldn’t get to sleep last night… I was too hot… I was too cold… I was thirsty… I needed another pillow… I had too many pillows... My throat was itchy... I just couldn’t get comfortable.

When I woke up this morning I was tired and that itchy throat had now advanced into a full blown cold.

Perhaps worst of all, I’ve got about a dozen welts spread across my body… Moe Greene convinced me to go play Paint Ball on Saturday- he failed to mention that I would be playing the role of “slow moving target”.

I’d never played paintball before, but apparently everyone else on the opposing team had not only played before, but they brought their own high priced equipment! So as we fired at them with our inaccurate rental guns, they were able to sit back and pick us off one by one like Barry Pepper in Saving Private Ryan.

I had a couple of other factors working against me… [1] I’m fat and [2] I was wearing an old burgundy Redskins jersey. I think I would have been okay being fat with a dark shirt, or thin with a burgundy shirt… but the being fat AND wearing a burgundy shirt was a little too much for me to over come.

I spent most of the day running frightened through the woods trying to see through a fogged up mask… Sometimes I’d see someone from the other team before they saw me and I’d let off a couple harmless and wildly inaccurate shots. This of course would give my position away and allow them to spray a dozen or so shots in my direction.

If I was lucky the shots would hit me in the mask and it wouldn’t hurt that bad- just confuse me. But more often than not I would take the shots on my body, which is where the welts came from.

I took one shot directly on my calf -you know- where I had no clothing to help soften the blow. That’s the pretty welt because it’s got Christmas colors!

But despite all that it was a pretty decent way to spend a Saturday... But it’s just not helping me on Monday.