Win The Lottery

I'll be gone until next week, and I've been meaning to put this post up for days and I'm just now getting to it. So here it is:

Whenever I find myself alone in my car for more than 20 minutes at a time (which is just about everyday) I daydream… But not your typical daydreams, I’m talking about really elaborate and bizarre ones.

Last week I had one of the more drawn out day dreams I’ve ever had… It started out pretty simple, “What would I do if I won the lottery?”

While I’m sure most everyone has gone through that scenario in their head before, I doubt many people have gone into as in depth with their dream.

The first thing you have to do when you play this game is determine the amount of money you just won… For me at least, the game isn’t worth playing unless we’re talking “set for life” money… now having said that, I wouldn’t want to win on of those Super Lottery $150 million Jackpots either.

Frankly, having read the history on the people who have won that kind of money, I don’t know that I would want it… Ok, that’s a lie, but seriously, those people end up cursed.

When I play “the Lottery game” I usually win a more modest sum of $20 Million… It’s enough for me to be set for life and still fly under the radar and not have people beating down my door.

The next decision is how you want the money… The Lottery people don’t like to give you all the doe up front, they want to hook you up with a yearly payment system… However, if you really want to get paid up front you can take the option of getting half of what your winnings were… That would be my choice.

Let’s face it, based on my ultra healthy lifestyle and family history, my run as a millionaire would probably be very short. To be perfectly honest, there would be at least a 25-40% chance that within 5 years I’d be found dead at Charlie Sheen’s house with a hooker and a Scarface pile of coke lying on the coffee table.

The real tragedy in that scenario would be all of that money I would have never got to spend because I didn’t take the lump sum payment up front… So NO, I’m not doing the yearly payments thing. I’ll take the $10 million up front, which after taxes would leave me with about $6 million.

I’d take about $1 million of that and purchase a spacious but anonymous condo in Georgetown… [I reccomend you take the virtual tour on that condo by the way]... Then, I’d pay off my Kia and then immediately trade it in on a brand new Yellow Jeep Wrangler with all the options.

Of course I’d let my wife, mother, and sister each pick out their own reasonable cars… no Bentley’s or anything outrageous like that.

That would leave me with about $4.75 million.

I’d spend about $250,000 that first Christmas on gifts for extended family and friends… not because I’m a nice guy or anything, it would basically be a payoff; “Look here’s a Rolex and computer, now please don’t bother me ever again… and get off my lawn.” [That part wouldn’t make much sense since I’d be living in a condo and thus would have no lawn, but you get the idea]

That leaves me with $4.5 million… and of course ‘the job decision’.

I would have to have something to occupy my time otherwise I would burn threw that money in a little under a decade (or one really bad weekend at a sports book in Vegas)… As much as I love my job, the hours suck. There is no way I could have all that money in the bank and stay motivated to wake up at 3:30 in the morning. I’d do it for about a week and then say, “Fuck this…”

So I’d take Moe Greene out to lunch, throw a bunch of money at him so he would leave his job and come work for me… The business would be buying and selling houses… Nothing too risky or adventurous, or overly ambitious… Just enough for me to pay for my new lifestyle and keep me occupied… I’d invest about $1.5 million in that.

That leaves me with $3 million.

My last big splurge would be a party… Not just any party though, I’m talking about a huge over the top shin dig with everyone I’ve ever met invited… Of course all my blogging peeps would be flown in for the weekend… There would be lot’s of alcohol, great food, dancers (mostly clothed) and of course… a band.

Clearly, I would try to get a “back together for one night only” performance from Blink 182 or Rage Against the Machine… but that wouldn’t be very realistic.

I could get Green Day or maybe even U2, but that would be a little out of my price range… I think the band would be All-American Rejects.

They happen to be my band of the moment, as well as Moe and our friend Mike “So Def” as well… so that would be my choice. I bet I could book them for the night for under 25k … It’s sad to admit it, but I actually have a whole set list planned out… I won’t go through the whole list, but I will say this; they would finish with the last track off their first CD “The Last Song”… Not only is it aptly titled for closing out my party, but I could also get up on stage and introduce the song before they played it… You see, Moe Greene mad the mistake of telling me last month that he was alone at lunch listening to this song in his car and it was so beautiful and so touching that it made him cry!… seriously… no really, stop laughing, I’m serious, he cried…

Of course I wouldn’t let him know that I was going to tell the story, I’d just get on stage, grab the mic, and tell everyone.

That would leave me with about $2.75 Million… I’d put half in savings and invest the rest of it into very conservative blue chip stocks.

I’d live a quiet and anonymous life. I wouldn’t tell people that I had money. I’d work like 20-30 hours a week. I’d sleep in. If I got the urge to go to the beach, I’d go to the beach… and that’s it.

Of course if you asked my wife about this she would probably tell you about how I never play the lottery and in fact get mad at her when she does, but the way I see, that's just a minor speed bump on my road to becoming a Lottery Millionaire.