THE LAST SUPPER

We're coming at you LIVE from an anonymous Insurance Agency located on the outskirts of the DC suburbs.

I'm sitting at a desk across from the infamous McDonald's addict himself Moe Greene... My recent post exposing Moe's "habit" has served as an intervention of sorts, and it's been decided that he needs to get his eating under control.

But, like any addict about to go to rehab he needs to go on one last bender... He needs one last dance... One last gasp... One last grope before the lights come on and everyone is ushered home to sleep it off.

And of course anything worth doing is worth doing right... Being the supportive friend that I am I've decided to exploit Moe's situation by being a witness and enabler in his final act of bliss and gluttony.















The Challenge: Moe will be attempting to take down 30 (that's right THIRTY!) crispy, greasy, artery clogging McNuggets!

That's processed chicken- dipped in batter, dropped in a deep fryer, covered in salt, and finally delivered right into Moe Greene's gut!

But wait there's more! We've also got a large order of under-cooked and over salted French fries... The nuggets will be washed down with a large coke that could be more aptly described as a Bucket of Coke!

This blog and of course Moe's body may never be the same... It's been suggested by some that he could save himself a lot of trouble by skipping the middle part of this process and just dropping the nuggets directly into the toilet... but what fun would that be?! Not even a literary genius such as myself could make that into an interesting blog post.

If I were an odds maker, I would describe the odds of him finishing the meal at 3-1, he's got a good shot but will most likely fall short...

The odds of him having a medical emergency are 40-1, not likely- but certainly not impossible.

In fact I wish I had posted these odds yesterday so I could take bets... Are you telling me you wouldn't be tempted to throw $5 down on Moe having a heart attack at 40-1 odds?!? That's a $200 pay off... These are the kind of things you could bet on if I was ever in charge of a Las Vegas Casino, but I digress.

Just a little background before we get started:

Moe weighed in for this afternoon's event at 6 feet tall, 206 pounds- 36 inch waist...

Up until yesterday the plan was for Moe to eat only the 30 nuggets washed down with water... But he must have woken up feeling ambitious today because he requested the Coke and Fries as well. Against my better judgment I went ahead and bought them...

A few other questions to get out of the way before this goes down... NO, I don't think he'll get down all 30 nuggets, my prediction is 27, I think the fires will keep him from reaching the finish line...

YES, I'm eating as well- but I'm going "light" with a Double Quarter Pounder w/ Cheese extra value meal...

and NO, I haven't had any CPR training since 9th Grade Health Class...

Now that we have all that out of the way, it's Showtime!

[Insert Drum Roll]

McNUGGETS 1-10: Moe downs the first 10 nuggets with leisure... I ask him how he feels; "Hungry" is his response. He looks confident, a little cocky even.

McNUGGETS 11-15: Moe says he feels "fine", but his fry box is still 3/4 full... I still don't think he can do it.

As a side note, the meal he's eating actually makes my Double Quarter Pounder look healthy, and I doubt the adjective "healthy" as ever been used in conjunction with that sandwich before... we're breaking all sorts of new ground here today.

McNUGGETS 15-20: He reached the 20 nugget mark much sooner than I had anticipated... "It's actually quite manageable for me," he continues "but I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing."

I would say it's good for the blog, bad for his health... At least we've got our priorities straight.

McNUGGET 22: After downing nugget 22 Moe decides to go back to the fries for a while... For the record, we're down to 8 nuggets, a half box of fries, and his Coke is just about gone.

McNUGGET 25: Moe's thoughts: "I feel fine... a little full but I usually eat way past 'a little full' anyway."

McNUGGET 28: He seemed to slow down a bit getting to Nugget 28 but he says getting to 30 will be no problem... I have drastically underestimated the elasticity of his gut.

McNUGGETS 29/30: He downs the final two nuggets before I even realize what happened... I was hoping to make a little ceremony for downing the 30th nugget but I guess we won't be able to do that...

"I feel full, very full- but not sick or anything... I still have a half box of fries," he tells me and our receptionist Pat... Pat sums it up the best when she lets out a stunned and disgusted, "Oh my God!"

He ended up leaving a couple of fries in the box, but he wants everyone to know that it was because they're cold, not because he couldn't finish them... I think I may even believe him.

Final Tally:

30 Nuggets, 1 Very Large Coke, and almost an entire Large order of Fries.

According to Moe's calculation (using the McDonald's website) he took in 1760 calories... 94 grams of fat... and 79 grams of protein...

I'm not sure what all that really means so Moe sums it up for me- "It's really bad, but I probably won't die."

My Final Thoughts: I'm thankful we were able to pull the whole meal off without Moe dying... I'm also glad to know that this was his "Grand Finale" for fast food eating. Vamos a ver.

I once saw an HBO documentary that followed heroin addicts for a year... At one point the main character said he had recently tried to kill himself by shooting up an absurd amount of heroin... Enough heroin to kill an Elephant... Only the dose didn't kill him, it just got him really high. he was a little upset at his failure but what really bothered him was the knowledge that his habit was SO out of control that he could actually shoot that much heroin and NOT die.

That's how I feel right now... Moe should be doubled over on the floor with stomach pains right now, instead he looks hardly phased.

Moe's Final Thoughts: "I'm going to want something sweet later on... Will you go to Dairy Queen to get us Oreo Blizzards if I pay?"

He wasn't joking.