It's not that I dislike her as a person, it's just that one of her visits led to perhaps the most embarrassing moment of my professional life. So now whenever I see her, I associated her with that moment... anyway- here was how I described that moment back in October of last year:
She came into the office after I'd been working here for like 2 weeks. She kept telling me how beautiful my eyes were, how my wife should never let me go to El Salvador without her, how cute me accent was, etc... She was also leaning over and making her bra/cleavage quite visible.Normally that would make her like #1 on my Favorite customer list, except that her actions caused me to write an explicit email to Moe Greene detailing everything that happened... Only I accidentally sent the email to my boss! Gulp, I want to puke right now just thinking about it!As you can imagine it didn't go over that well.Now I can't even look at her almost totally exposed breasts without thinking of that email and wanting to hyperventilate.
Well, since that event I have had many more dealings with Ester... She still does the 'lean over to expose her boobs' thing- she still flirts (even when her husband is there with her!?!? That was an interesting visit).
Sometimes she flirts with Moe Greene as well... Sometimes she starts calling Moe insulting names in a broken English accent that is unique to Ester only... You can never tell if she is serious, joking, or insane. I think it's a mixture of all three...
You know the nervous feeling you get when you go out drinking with that one friend who gets a little too crazy? That's how I feel everytime I have to interact with Ester.
Well.... For the past few weeks, even though my Mom is neither Catholic nor Spanish speaking- she's been taking my wife to Mass in Spanish... Well on Sunday my wife badgered me into tagging along.
Everything went fairly well. I didn't burst into flames when I crossed the threshold so that was a relief... I have never been to a Catholic service in my life so I was a little surprised at how quickly it went.
I hardly even had a chance to be bored and all of a sudden it was over... (Plus one of the guys who spoke was from Spain and had the Castilian accent going, so that was entertaining)
Overall it was not nearly as bad an experience as I thought it would be. In fact, if I was going to be any religion I'd go with Catholic... Not only is it a quick service but I've always had a fascination with the whole confession thing (do people really come clean in that booth?!)
Anyway, as I was saying, everything went well and then when we walk out of the Church who do we run into? Ester!!!
I tried to avoid eye contact, but a 6 foot tall, fat, white guy in a crowd of Central Americans tends to stand out... Before I could even come up with a game plan Ester walked over and started talking to me... I was forced to introduce her to my wife.
I don't know if I can accurately express the fear I had as these two women spoke... Ester is crazy, my wife is jealous- it had disaster written all over it.
Yet somehow the whole thing went okay. Ester managed to transform herself into a normal human being and my wife didn't ask too many questions... I won't say that it was divine intervention, but at the very least there was some good karma involved... I may even go again next week.
FILM VAULT TUESDAY
Title: The Messenger (1999)Cast: Milla Jovovich, Dustin Hoffman, John Malkovich, Faye Dunaway
Why: Based on the fact that I went to Church on Sunday, I'm keeping with the religion theme and using "The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc"
The movie has flaws... It drags at times- and it's just too long. It runs about 2 and half hours- which is just too long for a good but not great movie...
Despite that, it's still a very powerful film... Jovovich gives a gutsy performance as Joan... Dustin Hoffman also does a great job playing um... God... I can't imagine that's easy to pull off. He's one of the few actors who could do that... In fact here's my short list of people who could play God in a serious movie: Dustin Hoffman, Me, Ashley Judd, and of course David Hasselhoff.
Remote Stopper Scene: The back and forth discusion between Jovovich and Hoffman is a truly classic scene... It features Joan trying to explain to God her thinking on that whole "lead my country to war in the name of God" thing... with the added factor that you don't know if Joan is crazy or really actually talking to God.
It's got a Last Temptation of Christ feel to it where it's left open to the viewers interpritation.
Goosebump/Tear Factor: I don't think I got teary at any points, but the British soldiers showing up in her town lef me naucious
Overall Rating: 7.5/10... Like I said, the movie has some parts that drag. I can never decide if that's because I just can't wait until the Dustin Hoffman scene so I get antsy, or if parts of the movie were just boring... Regardless, it's still a good movie if you can make the 2.5 hour commitment.
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8 comments:
sounds like ms. ester isn't all that bad after all...
i've always wondered about this movie and after reading your review i'v decided that i will not watch it. doesn't sound like i would enjoy it unless of course it was YOU playing god then that would definetly make a difference ;-)
Its amazing how women who can flirt like Ester can suddenly behave themselves in cetain situations.
I have met people like this.
Wow...Ester seems like a dangerous woman. Although I have met those kind of girls. They make me nervous to say the least.
I have accidentaly sent an instant message to the wrong person. I know the feeling.
You know I do like the Catholic Church Masses. They are the in and out of religion almost like a drive-thru. I hope that does not offend anyone. I have thought about converting to Catholicism. 1 hour is better than being in church for like 5 hours. I think this is about how much time I spend in church on Sunday.
I will have to see this movie. Maybe my brother has it. He is a big Milla Jovovich Fan. She is cute after all.
Sonrisa- I don't have much acting experience, but for finals in 9th grade Drama class I had to do a monolouge from Death of a Salesman and I really nailed it... if that's not enough to win me a role in a major hollywood picture playing God, well then I don't know what this world;s coming to... it's all politics.
white rose boy- yeah I have known a couple of women like that... I personally think she enjoyed making me nervous.
cad- I couldn't believe she was even at church! the worst part is, my wife liked her and is hoping that maybe we'll see Ester at the next Mass... I can't imagine a more terrifying situation than having my wife become friends with her.
santiago- yeah I never realized how quickly Catholics get through their service... I don't have a whole lot of church experience but when I have gone it's long and boring... this Priest wasn't even boring, although I suspect that maybe he just hel;d my attention because his little speach thing was in Spanish and so I had to pay more attention to understand- which didn't give my mind a chance to drift away.
The Informant- I'll tell you what happened to him, he made that god awful 'Hero' movie then took a 3 year break and came back with the equally terrible 'Outbreak'... his career was never the same after that.
He can still be really good when he gets a good part- Wag the Dog, The Messenger, Runaway Jury... I don't know if he's just picking bad roles or if he's not getting offered the good ones... I just looked at his upcoming stuff on IMDB and it's all crap comedies in the Meet the Fockers mold... there's even a movie where he co-stars with that Dax Sheppard guy from Punk'd!?!
It's sad...
i don't mean to rain on your parade and i also do not want to imply that your not a big stud to deserve ester's attention but.......what if she is flirting with you (husband in on it too) b/c they're hoping that maybe, just maybe her (and her cleavage) will score them lower insurance rates.
cracked chancla- I have never thought that Ester was flirting b/c she liked me... but I also don't think she was trying to get her rates lower- I just think she's the kind of girl who flirts with everyone!
also, her husband was NOT at ALL pleased about her flirting with me. He was sitting in a chair about 10 feet away waiting for her to get done and he kept getting angrier and angrier by the minute. I could actually see his nostrals (sp?) flairing... he's okay with me now that he found out I'm married and that my wife is from the same city in ES as they are... but he still gives Moe the "don't check my girl out" eye.
Ester and the wife together is like oil & water or putting Anne Coulter & Al Franken in the same room for an open debate. Touchy position to be in.
Maybe you should pray to St. Joan for some good ole' intervention on your behalf. As for the movie, I liked it for the most part but since Joan is my fave saint, I had some issues with the accuracy of the whole thing. Overall though, a good choice of a movie.
Cincy- that's another thing I kinda like about the Catholic religion... Saints! Adds some variety...
I'm a fan of St. Dismas, the good theif on the cross next to Jesus.
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