Life in the Drive-Thru

Arby’s: Chicken, Bacon, & Swiss
[Large Curly Fries, Large Pepsi]

The Arby’s website describes the sandwich as, “[a] Crispy white meat chicken breast fillet topped with thick cut pepper bacon, Swiss cheese and honey mustard, all served on a toasted sesame seed bun.” Based on my long history with the "Chicken, Bacon, & Swiss", I’d tend to agree with that statement.

They describe the curly fries thusly, “Perfectly seasoned ringlets, fried to a golden brown and served hot…” Once again, I’ll say that’s fairly accurate.

As noted in my previous post, I have a long history with Arby’s. I have both served and eaten this sandwich more times than I’d like to admit. The key is the honey mustard sauce; too much and it overwhelms the senses, not enough and the result is a dry and tasteless sandwich.

Location: I bought this meal at the Arby’s in Ellicott City, Maryland. That’s more in the Baltimore area than the DC area, but my company’s home office is right down the street so I find myself in the area once every couple weeks.

The restaurant is located in the corner of a busy shopping center that includes a drug store and a grocery store; it’s a great place to park, eat, and people watch.

Service: I went through the drive-thru at a little before 5 pm. That meant they were done with the lunch rush but still not quite ready for the dinner rush. This is always a risky time to grab fast food. Inevitably, you either get food left over from lunch that’s been sitting under a heat lamp, or you end up waiting forever on your order because nothing is ready… In this case I was able to get through the drive-thru in less than 2 minutes so I knew right away I was probably getting lunch leftovers. See for yourself…




The Review: As you can tell, my theory was proved correct. In this situation it looks like my food has been sitting under a heat lamp for roughly 3 weeks.

You’re also probably thinking, “What happened to the fries Joel? Are you such pig that you couldn’t resist munching on the curly fries before you could even snap a picture?”

To answer your question, I am a pig, and I was tempted to get an early start on those fires, but that’s the actual amount of fries I was given in my order… I wasn’t surprised by that… Arby’s almost always does this. Their large fry box is such an obscene size that they can very rarely deliver on the promise of filling it. Of course, even at 75% full that’s still a ton of fries; the partially empty box just made it look small. When you take the box out of the way you get a much better feel for the true quantity.


This is a really simple sandwich… bread slice, chicken, cheese slice, bacon, sauce, bread slice… And that’s it. You’d have to try pretty hard to find a way to fuck that up, but congratulations to the food prep guy for finding a way against all odds!

Like I mentioned before, the one variable is the honey mustard sauce and that’s where things went bad. He either forgot the sauce completely, or put on such a small dab that I never tasted it.

But the bottom line is, even a “Chicken, Bacon, & Swiss” that’s been sitting under a heat lamp and half empty box of Curly Fries is still one of the better fast food options on the market. It’s a proven fact that chicken, cheese, and bacon are as fine a match as Lindsey Cohan, cocaine, and genital warts.

Cost: Arby’s is one of the pricier options in the world of fast food… But for that extra cost they deliver bigger portions, and (in theory) a slightly better quality food product… I think I paid roughly $7.50 for this meal but I forgot to hold on to the receipt so I can’t be 100% positive. Give me a pass on that, it’s my first review…

Obesity Break Down: According to the nutritional breakdown on the Arby’s website, my meal contained 1448 calories and 61 grams of fat.*

For comparison, Farting in the Shower contributor, Moe Greene, took in 1760 calories and 94 grams of fat in his now infamous “Last Supper” back in 2006. That meal so unhealthy that I recall doing a Google search for ‘CPR techniques’ as he was eating it, you know, “just in case”… so the fact that the totals for this meal were not actually dramatically less than his is down right frightening.

Summary: In the end I chalk this up as a mediocre meal with extenuating circumstances… I’ve eaten the Chicken, Bacon, & Swiss enough times to know that it’s usually much better. But had this been my first experience with it I would have walked away waddled away disappointed.

I can recommend the sandwich, but advise you to give a try during peak hours so you don’t encounter the lunch left over effect I went through.

6.5/10





* I suppose I could have deducted a percentage of the calories and fat to compensate for the missing fries, but that would have made the meal look a little healthier, and their intent in dicking me out of those fries was not to make the meal healthier, it was to avoid cooking another basket of fries just to fill my order.