Grand Theft Sunday

I’m tired, I’m hungry, my back is sore, and my eyes are bloodshot.

My weekend involved drinking and driving, stolen cars, injured pedestrians, a police chase, and several dead hookers.

Of course I’m talking about the forth edition of the new Grand Theft Auto which hit stores across the country on Tuesday of last week.

I got the game the day it came out but because of work I couldn’t quite devote the proper amount of time until yesterday… and by proper amount I mean 12 or more hours of non-stop play… I was glued to my Xbox 360 from about 9am to 10pm, and if that sounds boring to you, well then, you obviously don’t know anything about Grand Theft Auto.

In case you’ve never played, or have never seen some play, let me describe it for you:

Basically you’re in the middle of a large city with access to every type of weapon known to man, and there are no rules… You can steal cars, run red lights, shoot people, run over pedestrians, and more or less commit every type of illegal act you’ve ever fantasized about doing in reality but were prevented from doing so by laws, common sense, a healthy fear of death, and basic principles of morality.

The beauty of the game…aside form all the wonderful things I just mentioned… is that you can either follow a very compelling and in depth story line, or you can just go on a rampage and get answers to questions that have been bugging you for years, like: “I wonder what would happen if I stole a garbage truck, got it up to top speed, and then rammed it head on into the front of a police station?”

Here is a brief list of some of the things I did yesterday:

-stole two or three dozen cars

-broke a couple thousand traffic laws

-stole 2 boats

-spent a couple thousand dollars in a strip club

-beat 3 strip club bouncers to death or near death (didn’t stick around to see how that turned out)

-hijacked a delivery truck

-robbed a motorcycle gang of a very large suitcase full of cocaine

-shot a couple dozen cops

-committed many dirty and deplorable acts with hookers

-robbed said hookers to get my money back after committing the previously mentioned dirty and deplorable acts

-and finally, robbed (or attempted to rob) a bank.

Have you ever been walking down the street in a bad mood and saw someone you just wanted to punch in the face? Well in GTA you can not only punch them in the face, but you can beat them with a bat while frightened onlookers run away screaming.

Ever wondered what would happen at a toll booth if you decided to nail the gas and drive right through that stupid little gate? I did that twice yesterday!

Now critics of the game say that it’s unhealthy and may cause children to go out and commit horrible acts, and blah blah blah… You know what I say to those critics? I say:

“Umm… I don’t know… maybe… you might have a point…”

I don’t know if kids should have access to this game. When I first heard about it back in 2001 and was told that I could commit car jackings, run over pedestrians, shoot cops, and pick up hookers, I thought two things: [1] I can’t wait to play it! And [2] is that legal?

It’s now seven years later and I’ve spent many hours of “research” playing the various versions of GTA and my conclusion is still: I don’t know…

For me, I play the game and release a lot of pent up frustration that might not have gotten out other wise. It’s kind of like therapy and it actually relaxes me. I’d say I’m probably less likely to commit a crime that I committed in the game then I would have been had I never played the game… The temptation to steal a police car is less now, because I already know what it feels like to an extent.

Now, should an immature 12 year boy who’s already a little confused, isolated from his peers, and battling anger issues play this game? Probably not…

But is that going to stop me from spending another 3 or 4 hours in front of my Xbox when I get home from work tonight? Not likely…