DC United... Operation: Deflower

Many of my dozen or so loyal readers may be wondering where I've been. Did I really move to Uruguay? Did I go on an unannounced vacation? Am I dead? Am I pulling a CincySunDevil sabbatical?

Well... no. None of the above. I just haven't really had much to say of late.

I do have an update of sorts to my Soccer fetish that began a couple of months back... Moe Greene and I finally made our first (but certainly not last) trip out to RFK Stadium to see DC United play... Besides the fact that Moe doesn't really like Soccer that much, the game also had the unfortunate luck of being played during a University of Maryland Football game.

I'm sure Moe would have rather gone to the Maryland game, but he let me talk him into skipping the Terps in favor of seeing DC United take on the rival NY Red Bulls.

We got to the stadium a couple of hours early and did some tailgating, but it turned out not to be the best way to kick off our night... To be perfectly honest, it was a borderline disaster.

The "Mike's Hard Lemonade" I bought to loosen us up turned out to be "Mike's LIGHT Hard Lemonade"... In addition to tasting like shit, it's pretty hard to feel manly while holding one of those low carb beverages. It's a borderline girly drink to begin with but then when you add in the "light" factor... well at that point you're only a step away from sipping a Zima from a straw while trying to adjust your tampon.

But wait there's more... Our cheap portable grill and overpriced lighter turned out to be not so compatible and we had to ask some fellow tailgaters to borrow their lighter, which is humbling if not shameful thing for a man to have to do.

But there were a few redeemable aspects of our tailgating... [1] we ate some pretty decent hotdogs once we got the grill going, [2] there was a very attractive young lady tailgating near by who had lots of um- personality, and [3] I accidentally cursed in front of a yuppie couple and their nasty little children- which is always fun.

Once inside the Stadium things got 100% better. The seats were great. I was able to find a decent hat that I liked, as well as this kick ass scarf thingy.

Then they had a ceremony to honor DC's first championship team which was strangely emotional for me despite the fact that I was only remotely aware that there even WAS a team at the time they took home that first MLS Cup.

And then of course, there was the actual game...

It's one thing to watch on TV and see United's rowdy fans singing, jumping, and beating the hell out of their drums, but being there live was an experience I am simply not capable of adequately describing... I got goose bumps before the game, err- match even started!

Then a few minutes into the game, err-match, DC's teenage midfielder Freddy Adu got the ball with some open space ahead of him. The entire crowd seemed to pause and take notice as Freddy controlled the ball with a grace and ease that simply doesn't translate when I'm watching on TV... A defender made the mistake of rushing him and Freddy spun around, did a little dance with the ball stuck to his feet and left the poor defender all alone scratching his head.

And with that... I was hooked.

I haven't seen what the move looked like on TV yet... Probably nothing special. I'm sure I've seen a dozen or so better moves made while following DC on TV this year… But when the crowd made a collective gasp as Freddy streaked down the field, it was a moment I will never forget.

DC went on to win a wild and very exciting game 4-3... There were questionable calls by the ref, a dumb foul by a United defender, and some late game heroics by DC's all-time leading scorer Jamie Moreno. I didn't miss the Terps game for one second.

Moe Greene had a good time as well… I'm pretty sure that it wasn't quite the religious experience it was for me, but he's none the less promised to go again.

I tried to explain it all to my wife when I got home, but I must have fallen short in this area because she only rolled her eyes when I suggested season tickets next year. But I did get her to commit to a game next month, so that's a start.

And regardless of her feelings on the subject, I have decided that I am getting season tickets, even if I have to go by myself... I just can't imagine all that excitement going on without me.

There are 3 official DC United fan groups: The Screaming Eagles and La Barra Brava are very large groups whose seats are located near the center of the field (or pitch or whatever)... Then there is La Norte. A small group of fans who sit behind the North Goal and make a racket seemingly equal in decibel level to the two larger groups despite the fact that they only boast a handful of members... They seem like my kind of people. And most of their members are bilingual so that would be perfect if I bring my wife...

All that you really need to do to join is more or less show up. Of course showing up to a tailgating party full of a bunch of strangers sounds a bit intimidating... But we'll see.