I Confess

I just don’t have another Film Vault Tuesday in me right now… It might be back next week but I make no promises… I know, I know… it’s lame. I’ve been ripping everybody off the past couple of weeks.

So… In keeping with tradition of this blog, when ever I go away or take a break, or simply suck for weeks at a time- I make up for it by telling an embarrassing and personal story… so that’s what I’m going to do right now... I’m going to confess to something terrible I did a few years ago.
However, there is a catch… I would like everyone else to make a confession as well… A confession to a wrong you have committed, or maybe an embarrassing secret you’ve been holding back. It doesn’t have to be anything too dramatic… Like, if you killed a drifter in Kansas during the Fall of 1994- you should probably keep that to yourself (Moe).

It doesn’t have to be a secret you’ve never told anyone, just something you’ve never told the blogging community… But obviously a lame confession would be a waste of everyone’s time.

I’ve never asked anyone to participate in anything on my blog before, but I think this could be pretty spectacular if everyone did… Confessions should be made in the comments section of this post, but feel free to post it on your own blogs as well should you feel the need.

Depending on participation I’ll announce the winner of the “Confession Contest” either next Tuesday or the Tuesday after that.

So now, here is my confession:

About 3 years ago I slept with my roommate’s girl friend… a lot.

The relationship went on for about 2 months… And it all took place in the apartment we shared.

He was one of my closest friends, but to be perfectly honest, I don’t even regret it.

That's not to say that I don't feel guilty about it, because honestly I really do. Not only did I lose a close friendship but I think I was responsible for sending him into a fairly substantial depression... But, on the other hand, this girl was model material. This was a once in a lifetime shot for a guy like me. So do I feel guilty about it? Yeah. But do I regret it? No, I can't really say that because if someone gave me the option of going back and doing it all over again it would only take me roughly 2.3 seconds to overcome my guilt and say: "Where do I sign up?"

Now, as bad as that all sounds, let me give a little more background.

As I said, the girl was beyond hot and I was infatuated with her from the first time I met her. At the time when things started to develop I was on a break with my crazy girl friend. I was spending a lot of time as a “Third Wheel” hanging out with my roommate and this girl.

My friend dated her for about a year, and of course he didn’t really appreciate her. He ignored her, complained about her, he never took her out- that sort of thing.

They had met at school, where they we on the track team together. He was the star upper classman athlete and she was the wide eyed Freshman.

After about 6 months it was clear to everyone that the whole relationship was a mistake (for her at least) but since this was her first really serious relationship she hadn't come to that conclusion yet.

I helped her come to that conclusion.

As I became friends with her I began to subtly point out all of my roommate’s flaws and shortcomings… and they were legit flaws. He really didn’t appreciate or treat her well. He looked at having a beautiful girlfriend as one of the perks of being him... Because he had been a star athlete all of his life, he was (and probably still is) incapable of paying attention to anything beyond his next race or next game.

Now, when you're pointing out a guy's flaws (in order to bang his girlfriend) it can be a touchy subject. There is a fine line you must walk. Being subtle is a key… You can’t just constantly talk crap about the guy or it will either be too obvious or you'll come off as a jerk… You have to carefully lead your prey (the girlfriend) into seeing her boyfriend’s flaws, but (and this is tehe key) you have to make her think that she came to the realization on her own.

And of course, it helps if the flaws you lead her to noticing should also be things that you happen to do well… For instance, I’m a great listener... My friend was not… My friend was boring… I tried to seem exciting… I enjoy picking up the tab and leaving big tips… My friend was cheap and often refused to leave tips… You get the idea.

I also used a few other tricks… I played up my recent break-up for all it was worth. I never spoke poorly of my ex (cause I was such a gentleman and all). I painted myself as confident and together on the surface with just a hint of a deeper sadness below the surface. I didn't want her to know I had a bunch of emotional baggage, I was just a good guy, down on his luck, and in need of comfort.... and god bless her, this girl had a lot of comfort to give.

Also, I was working on a novel at the time. I have since come to the conclusion that it wasn't really that good (actually, to be honest, it was a god awful, embarrassing pile of crap) but at the time I was really serious about it… and I let her read it.

Despite the project's serious shortcomings- it did work on her. She was a 19 year old girl with a dumb jock for a boyfriend and there I was “working on a novel.” I think I may have even told her some BS about her being the inspiration for one of the characters… She never had a chance.

I know all of this sounds terrible… and it is… but I should make it clear that I wasn’t doing all this with the intention of just sleeping with her… I really was head over heels for this girl. I can see now that a lot of it was probably lust, but at the time I thought I was "in love". So once the wheels on this train started moving , I was powerless to put a stop to it all.

As Moe Greene can attest to, I was totally convinced that not only was what I doing not wrong, but I actually thought I would somehow live happily ever after with this girl!

Then one day a good friend of mine made an observation: “If she would cheat on him, what makes you think she wouldn’t cheat on you?”

Somehow, as improbable as it may sound, that thought hadn’t occurred to me before that moment. And of course he was right… after two months of secret rendezvous and corny love letters the girl finally came to her senses… She dumped both myself and my roommate on the same day.

Two weeks later she was dating a minor league baseball player.

My roommate never figured out exactly what had happened. He had his suspicions and eventually moved out. We’ve only talked once since then. We had been friends since 5th grade.

And of course I spun into a terrible depression. I went on a 2 week drug and alcohol bender that would have made Chris Farley proud… It ended when a druggie co-worker sat me down one day and said “Dude, you’re way out of control. You need to slow down.”

You know it’s time to re-evaluate things when a guy you’ve seen snort coke off a stripper’s tits tells you: “You need to slow down.”

I ended up getting back with the ex-girlfriend I had broken up with before all this started… which was another bad idea, but hey, bad ideas are what I do best. And, like I said, despite the crash landing I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

I came out fine in the end. AND I got to shag a girl who was WAY out of my league for two glorious months… It's also worth mentioning that not only was she beautiful, but she was ah.... talented... a very talented young lady...

It was well worth it.

So there it is- my very honest confession… Your turn.