GOOD RIDDANCE (Time of Your Life)

Today marks Joel's last day in our office. Before yesterday, I thought this day would bring mixed emotions. On one hand, I was disheartened that I was losing my best friend. Not losing him as in I'd never talk to him again, but losing the lunches everyday. The sports talk without a phone call. The other person in the office that knows what I'm going through. Most importantly, losing the "I know he'll be here feeling". On the other hand, I knew he was going to be happy. His happiness means alot to me. At least, it used to...

If you work for a small business in a small office building, you've been through the story I'm about to tell. You haven't, however, gone through what I did...courtesy of your best friend.

Allow me to introduce you to the three parties involved. Joel, Crazy Solicitor Lady, and yours truly, Moe Greene...

Act One, Scene One
Joel is sitting at his desk (in clear view of visiting clients). Moe Greene is "working" at his desk, conveniently tucked in a corner. Crazy Solicitor Lady paces outside the office. Enter CSL.

As the door opens, a loud noise comes over the office. I'm thinking it's one of two things. One, it's the radio taking on a mind of it's own and running the office. Or two, it's the end of the world. Being a "noise" I had never heard indoors, I was leaning towards option one. In hindsight, parts of me wish it had been number two. CSL makes eye-contact with Joel. After hearing her talk to Joel for less than three seconds, I've determined she's from the third moon of Saturn. A little English, a little Asian, and mostly Moon-of-Saturn.

CSL - "Eerhin onfioie child abuse keffko church foop donation."

Joel - Knows she's selling something. Wants NO parts of it. "Well, um, Moe's your guy. Moe ALWAYS buys things from you people."

Moe - Glares at Joel. Still wondering what the loud noise is.

CSL - "Um..Hi...neptune grokl children forp donation...

Joel - Sprints to the bathroom.

CSL - ...toto windchime bitte."

Moe - Gets up to see what the loud noise is hiding behind the plant next to CSL.


It's 72 WINDCHIMES "chiming" all at once. Not the end of the world as I once thought it was, but it was still a little disturbing as I hadn't brushed up on Moon-of-Saturn since high school!

Moe - Walks to front desk. "So, how much are they?" I'm figuring for $5, my oldest daughter would have a field-day with one of these things (for at least a couple of days, anwyay).
CSL - "Um...$15-$20 donation forp kern fuddle".

$15!?!?! It's a damn windchime!

Joel - Calling from the bathroom phone. Yes, we have a bathroom phone. "Did it work? No? She's still there? I can still hear the chimes form back here!" I could tell he was giddy knowing I was going through this.

Moe - Tries to ignore Joel, directs his attention back to CSL. "Oh, darn, my wife has the check book and I don't have any cash on me."

CSL - Obviously dejected. I'm sure she expected to be escorted out of the building once I got up from my desk. That's gotta be par-for-the-course. Once she was here for more than two minutes, I'm sure she thought she had a sale. "Oh. Can I ask your forple doodle friend?"

Patti - (receptionist, friend-to-Moe according to CSL) She just got back from lunch. She hadn't even sat down at her desk, yet. "No! Er, no thanks." The no was strong and stern, while the no thanks was a little more apologetic.

CSL - "Oh, okay. Thank fordle woopy, though". She leaves.

CUT!

The best part about this story is that Patti has seen this act before. Apparently, CSL had been to Kentucky Fried Chicken a short two weeks ago. She solicited each patron sitting at the tables. She was never forced to leave!

In summary, Joel had only two days left in hell, yet he still felt it would be a good idea to put Moe through hell, too. Could this whole thing been avoided had he simply told the woman, "No thanks?"?. Absolutely. And for that, I say, "Good Riddance, Joel. May you be truly be 'happy' at your old job. Good luck with the commute."