[1] I've got a mild case of writer's block. (nothing too serious, I'm sure I could work through it if properly motivated... but hey, there is a reason this Blog is called "Tales of Mediocrity")
and [2] The subject matter is actually relevant to the week I'm having... I've been obsessed with this boxing game for the Xbox 360, and I've been staying up until 1 or 2 am to play it, and in the morning I just haven't been able to get up.
Also, I would like to point out how honest of a person I am... Since the two posts I'm going to re-post are from when I first started this blog in September, I doubt most of you have ever even read these posts... At the time my only readers were Moe Greene, Cracked Chancla, and Gustavo- and I doubt any of them actually remember reading this.... My point is, I could have just re-posted it and pawned it off as new material and nobody would have known the difference... But I care too much about my Asi Es, tales of Mediocrity elected representatives to do that... And now, it's time for my hardly anticipated re-post of "The Battle of My Alarm Clock", and "Battle Update" [insert dramatic drum roll]:
The Battle of My Alarm Clock
At 4:51am our alarm clock goes off for my wife to get up and go to work... The clock is on my side of the bed... My wife has an alarm clock on her side of the bed as well but she never uses it ("este pinche alarma no sirve").
Really she just can't figure out how to work the thing, but we both pretend that the problem is the clock and not her wild incompetence when it comes to anything that uses electricity, but that's another story.
Anyway, I have to badger her into getting up so that I can then reset the alarm for 7:51 and go back to sleep... My goal every morning is to hit the snooze button one time and then get up at 8:00. That gives me 50 minutes to brush my teeth, take a shower, shave, get dressed, and eat a quick bowl of cereal before I drive to my office- which is only 2 miles away.
It sounds like a lot to do but if I stick to the schedule I can pull it off with no problem.
For the first 2 months at this new job I had no problem getting motivated to get to work and take on the day... But now the novelty has worn off and I have returned to my slacker ways.
Every morning has become a negotiation with myself for 9 more minutes of sleep...
"Okay, if I hit the snooze button once more I can just shave really quickly in the shower and that will save time. It won't be a perfect shave job, but it'll be good enough..."
9 minutes later, and I'm thinking, "okay, I won't eat a bowl of cereal, I'll just grab a granola bar on my way out the door..." 9 more minutes.
Before I even realize what's happening It's like 8:30 and I have to do a dead sprint to the shower for a speed wash and a sloppy shave before running out the door with no food.
As crazy as it sounds, last week I actually got into my car and was halfway to work when I realized I hadn't even taken my morning piss! What kind of man doesn't go directly to the toilet to relieve himself as soon as he wakes up?!? But that's how panicked and rushed I was...
This morning I came up with a name for this snooze button game I play. After finally sitting up in bed and pausing to stare angrily at the alarm clock, I noticed that it was sitting on top on a CD case. I picked up the clock and looked at the CD... Rage Against the Machine, "The Battle of Los Angeles."
I wasn't even trying to come up with a name for this game; it just hit me, "The Battle of My Alarm Clock." Damn, I think of the dumbest shit first thing in the morning... But none-the-less I now have my motivation to wake up at 8:00am tomorrow morning. I'm going to do it for the memory of Zach De La Rocha and my beloved Rage Against the Machine!
Tomorrow morning I'm serious, I will wake up at 8am exactly, not a minute later... well maybe 8:09, I can always just brush my teeth really quickly!
********
Battle Update
Well I lost "The Battle of My Alarm Clock" this morning.
Was it because I'm a lazy piece of crap that lacks self motivation? I don't know, I'd like to think that my loss was more a reflection on my disillusionment and lingering anger with RATM and their inability to put aside their personal gripes for the greater good of America's politicized youth.
That's right, it couldn't be because I'm lazy. Not at all...
Posts
11 comments:
hahaha!
You know, your post reminds me so much of my Husband. He goes through the same thing you do. He actually sets 2 alarms. And he sets them in the bathroom so he has to be forced to get up and turn them off. It doesn't make any difference though. He still just resets it and jumps back into bed saying, "5 more minutes". LOL No... and if that wasn't bad enough... he has his alarm set like 30 minutes ahead. But I mean, WHY?! He knows it's ahead 30 minutes so it's not like he's tricking himself into getting more sleep ya know what I'm saying? HAHAHA
I don't understand that.
I don't hate my alarm clock anymore. Not since I haven't been working. LOL
you were right. i had not read this post. but it was--very characteristically of you, joel--superfunny. made me laugh aloud in this coffeeshop, where i subsequently received strange looks.
@>-->>---
i remember this post!! and laughed just as much as i did the first time i read it!!! AND it's never your fault!! never!! it's moe greene's fault, rembember!!
Bonita in Pink: Neither Joel, your husband, or I can explain "The Battle of the Alarm Clock". However, I can offer you this...
Two things ring true with 80% of the male population. One, we set our clocks fast. Some of us set them eight minutes fast (myself included) and other may set it 30 minutes fast (your beloved husband). The point is this; We truly think we have MORE time by doing this. Does it make sense? Absolutely not. Would we go insane if every clock was at the right time? Damn right.
Secondly, if we didn't battle the alarm clock, our aggression would be pointed towards you, the wife. Obviously, this is a silly routine and one would wonder when this habbit started. But, I assure you this, if we didn't have this battle, we wouldn't be the "men" to which "women" have become accustomed....
DCNats - You know the reblog I'm looking for. Bring it.
Moe Greene: LOL You are so very right about that. I love my husband. Even when he does silly things like that. That's part of the reason I love him. LOL
;-)
Getting up in the morning is easy use the liquid alarm methed.
Too much to drink before bed and you will be up in good time for your morning piss.
Bonita- I have always resisted the two alarm clock method, but if things don't get any better I'm going to have to try it.
Jennifer- If this writers block doesn't leave I may be forced to break out some more old stuff... and I've only had like 4 or 5 decent posts on this blog so things could get ugly.
Sonrisa- You're right, it is his fault.
Moe- See I know you swear by changing the time, but I've never really done that... but I agree in principal with your statment
WRB- now that's the kind of advice I'm willing to take.
WRB-
OMG i need to really STOP reading your enteries at work! you crack me up so much!
I haven't woken up to an alarm in months! since i work 2nd shift, the sun usually wakes me up!
May i recommend this alarm clock?
Sniff..sniff ... I just shed a tear for the memory of Rage Against the Machine. Audioslave just doesn't cut it at all.
Hee! I admit to not having read this before, but I can relate. I love my snooze button, we have a deep meaningful relationship, and snooze never lets me down.
Today's reason for banging the snooze for an hour: I blame it on the rain. (Real, actual water-type acid rain, not Milli Vanilli. Although.....)
OMG!!! My wife is the exact same way. I have to nudge her so many times to get up. She has all the clocks in the house set at different times. She has the alarm clock set at 20 minutes ahead. So...she thinks she is late. She has the same thing with the car clocks. So...I never really know what time it is. I have to hit the snooze button only twice too. This is too hilarious. There is comfort or power or something in numbers.
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