For the past couple of weeks Moe Greene's lunch habits have spiraled out of control...
Here is the lunch time menu he's been following of late, we call it the "The Meal of Death":
McDonald's Fish Fillet, Large Fry, Large Coke... He then adds on a Double-Cheeseburger, AND a 4 Piece McNugget!?!?Next, he leaves McDonald's and drives to Dairy Queen where he proceeds to order an Oreo Blizzard!?!?!
Moe eating "The Meal of Death" reminds me of that famous scene in Scarface... You know, the one where Tony buries his face in the mountain of coke on his desk and tries to suck down an entire kilo in one snort... yeah, it's kind of like that.
But you know what the worst part is? The bastard is not even fat! In fact, at least once a week someone comes into the office and asks him, "Are you losing weight?"
So Moe Greene scarfs down fast food like Ms. Pacman with a tape worm, and yet I'm the one who can't stop gaining weight.
BUT AT LEAST IT SUCKS FOR EVERYONE
Moe works very hard in our office... 75% of the phone calls are for him, and even though anybody in our office can help our policy holders, Moe's people only want to talk to Moe... He remembers everyone's name... He's great at making people feel comfortable... When people are angry, Moe calms them down... Everybody loves Moe...
He's busy from the second he walks in, until the second he leaves... Even though we have an owner and an office manager, Moe basically runs our Agency... He's been doing it for the past five years... He has no time for Blog reading, and his email time is very limited... The boss never tells him "thank you" or even "good job".
My days here are a little less hectic than Moe's... I spend WAY too much time reading blogs... I always find time to return a personal email... Sure, I have some people that only want to deal with me, but it's because I'm the only one that speaks Spanish... I can't remember anybodies name... I'm not friendly... If someone gets angry with me, I become condescending and surly... While Moe ran the office today, I made a sketch of Dr. Vodka's lips (attempted to at least)... Moe is indispensable... I am disposable... And as if all that wasn't enough, Moe is the boss' Son in Law... I'm just the Son in Law's friend...
We opened up our paychecks this afternoon and were surprised to see that we had finally been awarded our end of last year "bonuses" (still waiting on our raises that were due Jan. 1st however).
I looked at my "bonus"... it wasn't much, but it was unexpected so who am I to complain? I assumed that Moe's bonus would be double what mine was... as it should have been.
I turned to his desk, "How much?"
Turns out he got the same amount as me...
So, for the record Moe eats like a pig and I'm fat... But Moe works twice as hard as me but gets the same check... In the end, it all works out.
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17 comments:
that fast food consumption is a little out of control. somebody needs to recommend the documentary super size me to moe. that should scare the heebeegeebees out of him.
maybe there's something work with him...like hyperthyroidism? Especially if he looks like he is losing weight.
that is a Meal of Death:
hypercholesterolemia...
hypertension....
diabetes....
atherosclerosis...
etc....
argh....that was suppose to read...."something WRONG with him"
Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer...
I've seen Super Size Me. Even better, it scared me for about a month. I lost about 15 pounds because of that movie. But you know what? That movie is the reason I'm the way that I am. He gave me a great excuse for making my daily trip. The excuse?
ADDICTION
It really IS addicting. Do I like Roy Rogers, Arbys, Wendy's, Burger King, and the likes? Absolutely. But they don't have the same affect on me. Once that jerk from Super Size Me gave me the "addiction" excuse (and I realized I could use it, of course), all bets were off.
As for the loss of weight, Joel hit the nail on the head. I'm not LIKE Ms. Pacman. I AM Ms. Pacman (on my days off, that is).
BEEP BEEP BEEP
I have breaking news on the Moe Greene Death Meal... he actually attempted to increase the un-healtiness of the meal today by replacing the fish fillet with a big mac!? he still got the extra double cheeseburger but the idiot McD's employees fucked up and didn't give him the four piece nugget he was supposed to get- they did him a favor if you ask me, but the look on his face was the look of a 12 year old boy who just saw his puppy get hit by a school bus... There is like a 45% chance I'll have to perform CPR on him in the net month.
dcnats,
i can teach ya CPR ;)
Jennifer- Moe has already addressed the Supersize me idea. Like he said, it had a positive effect- for about a month. It has been suggested by some that we watch the movie together, almost like an intervention... we'll see.
Dr. V, I'm sure it would be an amazing class!
ok. how bout reading fast food nation? that should also creep out mr. greene.
LOL
He works his ass off like that and he still gets paid the same. That's just wrong. I dunno.
And wow, I wish I could have that meal of death everyday. LOL And not gain any weight either. Damn fast food. Why is it so damn good???
Congrats on the bonus and pooey on no raise still. Hope you get it soon!
So does Moe follow a different regiment during Lent ... say 2 Filet O Fish instead of a cheeseburger?
My heart stopped just reading about his eating habits (I think it might have stopped out of jealousy as well)
Its unfair when people can eat like Moe and not put on weight. I only have to look at food to add on the pounds.
Yes...it is a little unfair. Why do people like Moe get to have all the fun eating meals of death and not gain weight. I look in that direction and I gain about three or five pounds. Sucks about the raises!! I still think McD's is evil. It is an evil empire and it must be brought down. Sorry...got a little aways from me there.
Folks, it's no fun being on this so-called-diet. Please, don't envy me. Both Joel and I have failed to mention the ultimate consequence that comes 43 minutes after my meal. I think you know where I'm going with that.
Like I said, this is an addiciton...nothing else. I've beaten heroin, coke, extasy, and even PCP. One day, and hopefully soon, I'll win my toughest battle yet; The war against McDonalds.
Until then, don't "be like Moe".
their new grilled mcchicken is served on the yummiest multigrain bun. have you tried that one or is it too healthy for your standards? you can pair it with a shake to balance it out. just a suggestion in case you and moe are every looking to throw a little variety in there.
cindylu- I don't think we get that fisfillet deal here, but we'll have to check
jennifer- Moe attention span won't allow him to read anything longer than a magazine article... but if we can get the book on tape version there might be a shot.
Bonita in Pink- Yeah the equal bonus thing stills bugs me a little. but then I look over and see that he's think and I don't feel so bad.
Julissa- Yeah there is no point in pretending he'll be able to quit... he's like a functioning heroin addict at this point. better to just make sure he gets his methedone and can shoot up at least once before bed... You can't expect him to go cold turkey. Not with the habit he has.
Cincysundevil- Moe doesn't know what lent is... I'm not sure I do either. I suspect it involves catholics quiting meat but I'm not positive... We've been to chursh a combined 8 times in our life.
White Rose Boy- It's quite unfair.
Santiago- there really is something going on with McD's... I never get cravings for other fast food... you never here about anyone being addicted to Wendy's.
Cracked Chancla- that actually sounds really good, is it on the dollar menu?
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