THAT GUY Car Salesman

Okay, so… The car I drive, or drove I guess I should say is a Blue Honda Element… I know, I know, ugly as hell, but for whatever reason I loved it. It is defiantly the favorite car that I’ve ever owned. But all good things must come to an end, and last night the Honda Element era came to an end.

In my last job I drove A LOT, and therefore put a bunch of miles on my car… 55k in two and half years to be exact. I also got into a little accident with a telephone pole in the Element (I blame the pole- the officer saw it a little different). Can you say negative equity? Not good times, bad times.

So even though I LOVED my Element, it was only a matter of time before the wear and tear caught up with me and I was stuck with a car that wouldn’t run AND was worth negative money… So it was time to buy a car.

Which brings me to my story… If you were going to come up with THE GUY you DON’T want to buy a car from, he would look like this:
-Short
-Round
-Middle Aged
-Not Married
-Red Nose (from years of alcoholism kicking his ass)
-Lisp
-Wearing a faded old “Members Only” jacket with a stain on the sleeve.
-Suffers From Frightening Coughing Fits. (Yet keeps going outside to smoke generic cigarettes)
-Old Worn Khakis
-Old Worn Payless Dress Shoes

Well guess what? I bought a car from THAT guy! No really… I did.

And despite what you would think about that guy, he was pretty okay... and I think I got a good deal.

Based on my many car buying experiences, I have come up with 3 tips for buying a car. (And please don’t confuse me with “Car buying guy who always thinks he got a great deal” because I’m not that guy… I just know how not to get totally screwed over... I think)

Rule 1) Bring my mom with you… My mom is a sweet lady until it comes to making major purchases, than she turns into a venom spitting, fire breathing dragon! I’ve cringed several times during a car buying experience as she got all bitchy with the sales or finance people… but you know what? It works, they give her what she wants.

If you’ve ever seen Pulp Fiction, my mom is “The Wolf”… when it comes to buying a car at least.

*Note- If you can’t bring my mom find an equivalent nice motherly lady who gets scary when she’s pissed off. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY likes to deal with a psycho woman.

Rule 2) Go towards the end of the month… Everyone knows that one. The car sales people have to meet their numbers by the end of the month so they’re much more willing to deal at that point.

Rule 3) Go at night, during the week… Get to the place like an hour before they’re supposed to close and count on being their until very late… get something to eat before you go, wear comfortable shoes, make them understand that you must finish tonight and you’re willing to stay as long as it takes… These people want to go home. They have to work the next day, they DON’T want to be working late. As a result, they’ll cut to the chase and go to that bottom line number a lot quicker.

Now, I know what you’re thinking… Why should I take advice from the guy who just bought a car from THAT GUY car salesman… And you might have a point. But my counter to that is- I managed to get a decent deal despite the fact that I was working with THAT GUY car salesman.

Plus I talked him into giving me a nice deal on some MAGIC BEANS, so what do you know about that!?