KARMA

Because of poor scheduling and a co-worker on vacation I found myself working the 5-6pm hour by myself. It’s happened before so I wasn’t in a panic about it. Sometimes we’re really busy during that time, sometimes we’re totally dead. There is no in between.

On this particular evening we were dead… I was just sitting at the payment desk watching TV and yapping on the phone.

Then, out of the corner of my eye I saw a woman walking towards our front door.
Because of the angle I was positioned in I only got a brief glance and then lost sight of her as she approached.

The brief glance was enough for me to determine that I would probably enjoy the visit. I wasn’t really sure who it was but I did see long flowing black hair and cleavage… lot’s of cleavage.

“Let me give you a call back,” I told my friend on the other line.

When the hair and cleavage finally walked in I was not disappointed. She was nothing short of breathtaking.

She tentatively stepped forward clutching her bill in her hand.

“Jew speaky spanny?” she nervously asked.

“Claro que si,” I replied and I saw the nervousness vanish from her face.

She immediately hit me with several rapid fire questions in a thick Puerto Rican accent.

Between her accent and my wandering eyes it took me a minute to understand exactly what the problem was, but I eventually got everything straight. Turns out she had insurance with another agent from our company, but in a different office. This agent didn’t speak Spanish so she came here to me.

I helped her the best I could, she seemed pleased.

She asked me where I was from, and commented on how good my accent was… Mentioned how Puerto Rican girls love when a Gringo speaks Spanish… She was quite the flirt, but I knew she was only humoring me.

“Y como aprendiste espanol?"

I get asked this question, literally, every day here at the office.

The answer to that question is a little complicated… I learned a little at school. I learned a little from a month I spent with cousins in Mexico… I learned a little from my previous job… I learned a lot from a Guatemalan ex-girlfriend (she of the “New Year‘s Scar“ fame), and a little more from my wife.

Nobody really wants to hear that long complicated explanation, so my time saving stock answer is: “My wife’s from El Salvador…”

“De veras? Que bonito!” is the usual response.

But for whatever reason (I don’t know if it was the boobs, her flirtatious nature, or perhaps just a need to deviate from my stock answer) instead of saying “My wife is from El Salvador,” I said “School… I learned in school.” The words 'wife' never even entered into my brain.

I know what you’re thinking, it sounds sleazy, I know… but I assure you I was not trying to make a pass at this woman or anything of that nature.

Besides the fact that this girl/woman was WAY out of my league, I’m just not that kind of guy… So why did I avoid mention of my wife? I’m still asking myself that question… She hypnotized me with her cleavage? At least, that’s the best response I’ve managed to come up with.

But don’t worry, I learned my lesson. The Karma would strike back, and it wouldn‘t take long.

The conversation turned to how long she had lived in Frederick… 11 years.

“It used to be nice… but not anymore,” she confessed.

“Why is that?” I asked, afraid of the answer I could sense was coming.

She leaned forward, closer to my desk… I fought a battle with my eyes to keep focused on her face.

She cautiously looked around to make sure we were still alone.

“I don’t like it here anymore because of all the Mexican’s and Salvadorans,” she whispered… “They’re so dirty… All they do is drink and fight. And the gangs!? I can’t stand those people.”

Ouch…

She just insulted my wife’s entire family AND my Mexican cousins with that comment… the only thing left for her to do was call my mother a Mick and she could have insulted every single relative I‘ve got.

And of course, I had to bite my tongue… What could I say? My wife is Salvadoran… you know, that wife I didn’t bother to mention? My tongue is not accustomed to being bitten… the pain was sharp.

So there it was, Karma… in the form of a sore tongue.