If any of you out there were under the impression that FITS was some sort of well oiled, reliable machine... Monday was proof that you couldn't be more wrong. It doesn't take a lot to get me off track. Yesterday it was a snow storm. Here in DC we got around 6 to 8 inches of snow between Sunday night and Monday afternoon. As a result, I didn't have to work... As a matter of fact, I didn't even leave the house.Now, you might thinkg that given that time off I would have had more opportunity to get the "2009 Sleazy Confession Award Nominations" done... but it didn't work out that way. I never even turned on my laptop. But I did play XBox 360, melt cheese over nachos in the microwave, play some Foosball, and lay on the couch in my boxers getting caught up with my TiVo recordings... it never even occurred to me that I was supposed to put together the nominations until late last night.
So anyway, that's why we're running a day late... As it stands, this pushes back the award show to one week from today, Tuesday, March 10th. I will not miss that deadline... you know, unless it snows again, I have a flat tire, or I get distracted by any small shiny objects.
Now that we've got the excuses out of the way, let's get to the nominations!
We have 10 categories this year, starting with the "Best Non-Sexual Confession". I was actually a little surprised that we were so heavy on sex confession, but we still ended up with some pretty strong nominees in this category anyway: Sorry.Mom. for stealing her mom's birthday money; Teresa, for the near DUI that ended her pseudo date; Mentirosa, for fabricating a phony boyfriend that is still hanging around in her life; and Chanclita, for being a border-line teenage alcoholic who nearly choked to death on her own vomit.
Next up we've got the "Out of Control Teen" award. Nominees are, Chanclita for her above referenced incident; Tough Chica, for losing her virginity to her brother's adult friend and then pretending it never happened; HP, for dropping out of high school so he could travel around as a Carney, shagging small-town girls all across the West Coast; and Lauren, for crashing cars, drinking, and having sex with her adult boyfriend while her parents were upstairs watching TV.
"Best 'First' Confession": HP, for losing his virginity as birthday present with a girl who's biggest attraction was that she [a] was easy, and [b] was cousins with the girl he really wanted; Sonrisa, for giving a pity fuck to a 27 year old virgin; Tough Chica, for her escapade with her brother's best friend, and Kiss a Stranger, for sharing her first kiss at age 14 with a 26 year old Italian man.
"Multiple Confession Award"... this goes to readers who couldn't help confessing multiple times... HP, who, in addition to the "Carney Sex Tour", and a very special 15th birthday present, also told us that he banged the ugly sister of a girl he had already been with, basically so he could say he had done sisters... and oh by the way, placed his person record for "self enjoyment" at 5. E-Rich, who drove to another state to sleep with a girl he met on "World of Witchcraft", and also flew all the way to Boston after a breakup to try and prove to himself that he still had the skill to pull off a one night stand. [Eric also had a person record of 5 in the "self enjoyment" category]... and finally Sonrisa, who in addition to taking the 27 year old's virginity, also made it known that she's had multiple 3-somes with a variety of gender combos. [I'm not sure what her person best "self enjoyment" record is but I'm sure it's impressive.] We don't really have a 4th nominee... I technically could have been nominated for my original confession plus my "5 times in a day" story, but the rules are pretty clear that Moe, Mike, and I can confess but cannot be nominated.
"Best 'Open' Confession": this is obviously for those who posted their confession under the name they usually post under... anyway, we've got Sonrisa, and HP for their well documented deeds, and then we've got Cindylu, who told us all about her sexy biting fetish, and finally ~A.D~ who is planning a 3-some with 2 guys, neither of which are her husband.
"Best Anonymous Confession": Pandora, for carrying on an 8 year affair that didn't even end when her counterpart got married; Spin Doctor, for playing spin-the-bottle with four girls he'd just met while his wife was at a party celebrating parents anniversary; Escandelo, for staying with her ex while away on a trip, getting high with him, letting him get to 3rd base, and then never bothering to tell her boy friend about it even though she had just recently vowed to herself that she wouldn't screw up ther relationship; and Hooked Up, for taking his soon to be wife out to the movies hours after he had been with another girl, with no time to wash away any potential "scented evidence".
And finally, we have the "Big 3" of the confession awards... the FITS equivalent to the Best Picture, Best Female Lead, and Best Male Lead at the Academy Awards.
"Best Male Confession": HP, Eric, Hooked Up, and Spin Doctor.
"Best Female Confession" : Sonrisa, ~A.D~, Cindylu, and Mentirosa.
"Best Overall Confession": ~A.D~, Sonrisa, HP, and Eric.
As a twist, I'm going to attempt to put up a poll with all the confessions on the right side of the blog so you, the readers and confessors, can all vote on what you felt was your favorite confession, not necessarily the best, just your favorite... The winner of the poll will be the "Reader's Choice Award".
Anyway, sorry about the delay... I'll have a regular post on Thursday, and then we've got the "Confession Award Show" coming up a week from now.
Posts
13 comments:
congrats to the nominees!!!
yes, congrats to all the nominees, but most of all to Joel for putting this whole thing together. Only his charismatic splendor could illicit such great confessions from everyone. This is in no way a play to influence his decision on any of the awards, just simply the truth.
i'm honored to be nominated. it's great to be in a category with such other sleazy confessors.
Sonrisa- congrats to you, 5 nominations, and to think, this is after winning the lifetime achievement award in the last edition!
E Rich- anytime you can get glowing compliments from a guy who's managed to get laid through World of Witchcraft you're having a good week. and by the way, after re-reading that story while I was working on the nominations, I have to say I have a new outlook on how bizarre that story really is... first off there is the sad, depressed factor that you found yourself driving really far to get laid under, at best, really questionable circumstances (I've been there btw), second, is the nerd factor involved with that game, but finally, third is that you actually pulled off quite an accomplishment... When you think about it, there are hundreds. of really horny guys playing that game who are desperate to get laid by any means necessary, and then you factor in that the guy-to-girl ratio is probably like 100-1, (or even worse when you do guy-to-decent girl ratio) and yet you were somehow able to get a decent sexual experience out of those circumstances, well that's pretty special.
cindylu- looks like you're the early favorite to take home the reader's choice award! You might one day be considered a pioneer in the advancement of biting fetishes!
Ha...I'm kind of embarrassed that I'm even included in the nominees because my whole point was that I was totally normal. You know me - I'm as white bread as they come. Crashing cars and awkward sex* are par for the course.
*For the record, the 20-something boyfriend and the basement sex boyfriend were two different people. See, I wasn't even that edgy!
Lauren- I'll grant you that everything was normal teenage girl stuff, up until the 20 something boyfriend... and not even that was anything earth shattering, but it was note worthy... plus I was going for four nominations per category, so I made it fit, conveniently ignoring whether or not the 20 something was the same basement sex guy or not.
The game is called "World of Warcraft", noob.
Hahaha great...so I was only included so you could have an even number on nominees. I feel so used and unsleazy!
kudos on a fabulous collection of sleazy confessions. this is no easy feat.
Yeah, good stuff. On the drive home today I thought of another two great sex stories for next years. In case I forget...just remind me of these keywords: greyhound and stripper.
Man, just remembering that makes me think I can beat my personal pleasure record. Hahaha. Okay, were way too comfortable now. :-)
e-rich- agree to disagree. i like my version better.
lauren- so do get taken back to the days of awkward sex everytime you hear the andy griffith theme music?
chancla- kudos to you for twisting my arm to do it
hp- I've debating on whether or not this should be a bi-annual thing like the World Baseball Classic, but now that I hear that preview I'm already excited about February 2010! I've also got a good one more or less ready to go.
Actually no. I'd say the sound of Nintendo. We'd put Mario on and turn the volume up so that bleep-bleep-bloop theme music would drown out any other...sounds.
i'm excited about tomorrow...been getting dresses from all the designers. which one to pick!?!??
Post a Comment