2009 Sleazy Confession Awards!

Okay Shower Farters… Sit back, relax, and enjoy…



I know that wasn’t exactly the best way to introduce the use of video onto the blog, but the alternative was Moe Greene’s video of himself trying to break the magic “5 times in one day” record, set by HP, Eric, and myself… trust me, what you just saw was way more appealing.

Now before we get on with the rest of the show let me, once again, thank everybody for their participation. Looking back at the confessions to prep for the award show allowed me to soak it all in once more; upon reflection, I think we topped the first edition… which is a good thing, but also a bad thing as well… good because it was obviously entertaining, but bad because we learned a little more about each other than we had probably hoped for.

Right now it feels like we just spent the night drinking together and had some sort of drunken romantic encounter --which was great as it happened-- only now it’s the next day, and I’m not sure I can look any of you in the eye ever again... Frankly, I’m not sure where we go from here.

But for now, let’s get on with the award show!

As was the case last time, winners can make their acceptance speeches in the comments section… same goes for well wishers, people who feel they were slighted and have a bone to pick, and anyone else who would like to throw in their 2 cents…

I figure we should start off with the “Readers Choice Award”… I was planning on saving this towards the end since it’s arguably one of the more “prestigious” awards, but since the results have been public for a while, there is no suspense… The winner, hands down, was Cindylu for her, “I like to bite,” confession!

Now I have to be honest here, I wasn’t shocked that Cindy won, in fact one of those votes was mine, but I was a little surprised at such a wide margin of victory… I think what happened was that because her confession was so out of character from the Cindy we’ve grown to know and love, it made us all feel like we learned more about her than we perhaps learned from anyone else.

If you asked me a month ago what I thought a date with Cindylu might be like I would have said: “either a concert or a Dodger game, followed by a quiet dinner, a drink or two, and if you played your cards right, maybe a short but sweet kiss…”
I never had any idea that waking up with mysterious bite marks all over your chest was an option! I feel like I now need to re-evaluate the entire Cindylu era... this is kinda like when Tiffani-Amber Thiessen went from being the cute and lovable Kelly Kapowski on Saved by the Bell to the dangerous sex-symbol in 90210.

So again, maybe not the most scandalous confession, but quite clearly a favorite of the voters.

Now it’s time to move on to the first of our traditional awards...

First up is “The Best Non-Sexual Confession”… and our nominees are Sorry.Mom., Teresa, Mentirosa, and Chanclita…

…And the winner is… Mentirosa!

Anytime you can keep up a lie, any lie, for that many years, well that’s pretty damn impressive… and that’s the kind of behavior we feel should be rewarded here at FITS. So congrats Mentirosa, whoever you are.

Next up we’ve got the Lindsey Lohan memorial “Out of Control Teen” Award… Past winners include, both Hilton sisters, Brittney Spears, Ferris Bueller, and anyone with the last name ‘Bush’… Our nominees were, Chanclita, Tough Chica, HP, and Lauren...

And the winner is…

HP!!!!

Dropping out of High School to pursue a life of groupie sex on the carnival circuit certainly qualifies as out of control in my book… Congrats to HP for not only really living his teenage years, but for also figuring out when to steer the car back onto the road before he ended up with a case of syphilis and couple missing fingers.

Next up we’ve got the “Best ‘First’ Award”, and I must say, we had some *stiff* competition in this category… The nominees were HP, Tough Chica, Sonrisa, and Kissing a Stranger…

[…before I announce the winner, this would be a good time to mention how the awards were determined... Moe Greene and I each filled out our own ballots then compared results. The ones we disagreed on were debated back and forth to see if we could compromise, and if we couldn’t come to an agreement we sent those votes to a secret third party arbitrator… There were only three awards that needed a third party, and this was one of them…]

But anyway, the winner is… Tough Chica!!!!

Now, as an older brother, let me say that I would commit terrible, violent acts if my sister ever did something like that with one of my friends. The thought alone is making my blood pressure increase as I type… but on the other hand, I’ve known some little sisters that I wouldn’t have minded “deflowering” so… I’m conflicted… but regardless, great confession and certainly a worthy winner.

And now, a musical interlude that I think you’ll all enjoy…



…welcome back… I must mention that I was first introduced to that clip a few weeks back by my favorite sports writer, Bill Simmons (although I’m not sure if it was something he wrote about in his ESPN column or talked about on his podcast). Anyway, the great debate surrounding that clip is: early in the song, was Tesh doing a piano version of an air guitar or pretending to dribble a basketball? Tell me what you think.

Anyway, next up is the “Multi-Confession Award”… this one also needed to be sent in for third party arbitration… the nominees were HP, E-Rich, and Sonrisa… I'll let the third party arbitrator break down his decision:

“i would go with HP, one because there are multiple confessions within his first
one and then [he] made the "anonymous" one as well. more importantly, the
quality of each confession is great. i did like sonrisa's first confession of
fucking a virgin and making him cry, but HP nailed a carney. done.”

So congrats once again to HP!

Moving right along… We’ve got the “Best ‘Open’ Confession,” and again, I can’t stress this enough, but these were really hard decisions to make… the nominees were, Sonrisa, HP, Cindylu, and ~A.D~…

…and the award goes to…

~A.D~ !!!!!

Lets have a round of applause for ~A.D~

Our final contested confession award came in the category of “Best Anonymous Confession”; the nominees were Pandora, Spin Doctor, Escandelo, and Hooked Up…

We might not have needed to reach out for the third vote because, in the end, we all ended up listening to each other’s opinion and came to one final conclusion… and that is that Hooked Up is the clear winner here. We all felt that the "smelly finger factor" made this one extra special, so step forward “Hooked Up” and claim thy prize!

Before we get into the “Big 3”, we’ve got one final musical performance… this time its from the official FITS house band, the newly reunited, Blink-182:



Okay… Are you guys ready for the “Big 3”?

Lets start off with the “Best Male Confession”… The nominees in this category are… Hooked Up… Eric… HP… and Spin Doctor…

… and the winner is… HP!!!!!!!! What a night it’s been so far for HP, he’ll have a lot of people to thank but luckily for him, he has several chances to climb up on stage and do so…

Next we’ve got the “Best Female Confession” award… it’s an honor just to be nominated for something so dignified, and all of these ladies are deserving winners, but we can only choose one. Will it be ~A.D~, Sonrisa, Cindylu, or Mentirosa? All of them have already been honored with Sleazy Confession awards here tonight. But the winner is…

… Sonrisa!!!!

And now…



Thanks again for everyone's participation, support, and time. I hope you guys enjoyed the confessions... It's never too late to start looking ahead to next year, so for now, be sleazy, but also be safe. I can't wait to hear what you pervs will have for next year!