I’d been thinking about bringing back the Confession Awards for quite some time but to be perfectly honest, I didn’t see how we could possibly live up to the standards we set the first time around.
I now know what it must have been like for Harper Lee to try and write a follow up to, To Kill a Mocking Bird, Counting Crows to enter the studio after “August and Everything After”, or Victoria Givens after she broke the world anal gangbang record… I mean, after you’ve been to the summit, what could you possibly do for an encore?
But with some encouragement, I’ve decided to bring it back… I refuse to believe, however, that this second edition of the Confession Awards has to be a lesser version of original. Against all odds, I think we can actually do better; and in an effort to ensure that, I’ve decided to change the rules… We’re all going to make at least two confessions.
One of the confessions will be just like we did the last time, normal confession, under whatever blogger ID you normally post under. It can be as daring and adventurous as you want. But the second confession will be completely, 100% anonymous.
Now, you can make as many anonymous confessions as you want… I personally plan on dropping the dime on myself several times, but really, if everyone made just one good anonymous confession this could be special.
And to ensure things stay anonymous I'm going to turn off my site tracker until we're done, so not even I will be able to track down where the comments came from.
The only request I have is that when you make your anonymous confession, instead of clicking the “anonymous” category in the comment section, click on the “Name/URL” and enter in some sort of pseudonym… obviously you would leave the URL blank. It doesn’t have to be anything clever or elaborate, just something to differentiate one anonymous confessor from another. It will make things a lot easier for me when I have to sort out the awards... if everyone's confession simply says "anonymous" it will be a pretty boring award show.
But enough of the details, it’s about time to get this thing kick started with the first confession:
When I was 16, I stole a car and ran away from home… I’ve mentioned it in passing here on the blog but I’ve never actually told the story. Until today that is. Now you’re going to hear the whole thing in all its embarrassing glory.
At the time, I was dating a girl we’ll call “Luci”. I only started dating her because I was madly in love with another girl who we’ll call “Andrea”. I had been in-love/obsessed with Andrea for over 2 years, but unfortunately, Andrea didn’t feel the same way. We were really good friends. We talked on the phone every day, we walked home from school together, we hung out on weekends. It was like we were a couple, only, we weren't. I was trapped in the dreaded “friend zone” trying to figure a way out. "You're like a brother to me," is the doomed line I remember her giving me when ever the subject came up.
So, in an attempt to make Andrea jealous, or perhaps maybe even allow myself to move on from this dead end situation, I started dating Luci. And lucky for me, Luci knew exactly what to do to make me forget Andrea.
At this point I should disclose that I was pretty inexperienced when it came to sex. The highlight of my romantic career up until that point had happened the previous summer when I felt a drunken girl’s boob during a make-out session.
So with that kind of resume you can imagine how totally unprepared I was when a week into my relationship with Luci she introduced me to oral sex! It was like going from a Go-Cart track to the Indy 500. Andrea was suddenly a thing of the past!
Or so I thought… As these matters tend to go, as soon as Andrea saw me with Luci she began doing classic passive-aggressive girl stuff to sabotage my relationship. All of a sudden, I was out of “the friend zone". Andrea no longer saw me as a brother and she made it clear that if I broke up with Luci we might have a shot together. So I had a decision to make… Do I go with true love or oral sex?
Believe it or not I was actually leaning towards following my heart, but Luci wasn’t the type of girl who could accept losing… She was competitive in the way Jenifer Jason Leigh was ‘competitive’ in “Single White Female”, or Glen Close was in “Fatal Attraction”.
Before I could even make a decision, Luci decided to step things up. We skipped school on a Wednesday afternoon and spent the entire day alone at my house. My virginity was a thing of the past! This was great news for me of course… until the next day when Luci told me she was pregnant!
Now again, lets keep in mind that I had ZERO sexual experience at that point. It did sound implausible for her to know she was pregnant the day after we had sex for the first time, but who was I to question her? This was the girl who had taken me from a world of hoping to touch a sweater covered boob to a world of orgasms and colorful panties! How could I doubt anything she said!
So there I was, in school, thinking about the previous day’s adventures when all of a sudden I get the “I’m pregnant” note from Luci… Naturally, I turned to Moe, and Moe of course told whoever he told, and they told someone, and all of a sudden Andrea knew! Any chances I had of ever being with her were crushed. She wouldn’t even speak to me.
In 24 hours I had gone from losing my virginity, to being disowned by the girl I’d been in love with since Middle School, and facing the possibility of becoming a teenage father with a girl who was a lot of fun, but not exactly “mom” material.
A responsible, mature 16 year old might have tried to sit down and come up with a solution, maybe gone to speak to the school counselor, or perhaps consulted some other trusted adult… I, on the other hand, decided to go on the run.
My parents had bought a beat up old Ford Tempo from a neighbor who was thinking about junking the car altogether. They decided it would be my first car. I wasn't even expecting a car so despite its condition I was smitten with it from the first time I sat in the driver's seat. Sometimes I would get home from school and just sit in it for hours listening to the radio and doing my homework. I would have actually driven it around, but the problem was that I had no driver’s license. In fact, I didn’t even have a learners permit. I was so awful at driving that I let my permit expire and my parents didn’t even complain despite the fact that they had just shelled out money for that car. It was clear to them, me, and anyone who had ever seen me attempt to park I was either going to kill myself, or someone else, if the State of Maryland were ever dumb enough to give me a valid driver's license.
But now I had to get away… I filled the car with clothes, food, and blankets. I had $13, half tank of gas, and absolutely no idea what I was going to do. But off I went… I drove all over the city for about an hour, then got bored with that and decided to head north. Despite my fear, I somehow managed to merge onto the highway. I was immediately confronted with bumper to bumper traffic. I had never driven in that. When the lady in front of me came to a sudden stop, I panicked and instead of hitting the breaks, I hit the gas… Opps… My first accident.
We pulled over to exchange information. She asked for my insurance information and I had no idea what that even was so instead, I gave her my dad’s name and number. At that point she got suspicious and asked to see my driver's license… You know, the license I didn’t have… In a continuation of the brilliant decision making skills I had shown thus far, I decided to once again run away!
I remember telling her, “My license is in the car, let me go get it, I’ll be right back…” right before I sped away.
The night was pretty uneventful from that point on… I drove around Western Pennsylvania for a couple of hours before deciding to head back into Maryland. I remember trying to sleep at a rest stop for a couple of hours but being too afraid that I'd be murdered by some hitchhiking axe murderer to close my eyes for more than a minute at a time. I also tried to rent a hotel room at one point but ran into some road blocks because [a] I was only 16, [b] had no license or ID, and [c] only had $13.
Finally, at around 4 a.m., I was tired, lost, and realizing that I had no idea what I would do with my life as an outlaw fugitive from justice. Plus my fuel tank was just about on empty and I didn’t even know how to use a gas pump.
When I saw a cop who had pulled over another vehicle on the side of the road, I pulled in behind them and “surrendered”. I told him everything; how I had knocked my girlfriend up, stolen my parent’s car, left the scene of an accident, and driven without a license, etc.
His response to all this was, “Son…. Have you been drinking tonight?”
When I told him no, he just laughed and told me to hop in his car. He didn’t search me, he didn’t cuff me, he didn’t even make me get into the back seat… As he drove me to the police station he talked to me about my girlfriend issues and explained to me that Luci was just faking the pregnancy to keep me from dumping her for Andrea.
“Oh… that makes sense I guess… I probably should have done some research before going on the run…”
Once at the police station he called my mom and told her to come pick me up. He did end up giving me some BS little charge about being a “Juvenile Runaway” but nothing ever came of that. I remember hearing him tell my mom that he thought I was "just a good kid having a really bad day". It was the only positive experience I’ve ever had with a police officer.
When I got home I found out that Moe had nearly had a nervous breakdown in my absence and that his Mom had actually gone to Luci’s house to try and confront her… depending on who you hear the story from the police may or may not have been called to the scene… gotta love Moe’s Mom.
To make matters worse, Andrea talked to my mom at some point and told her that I had been skipping school, having sex, and god only knows what else… she basically snitched on everything wrong I’d done since being in High School. It was my first lesson about the “wrath of a woman scorned.”
And of course, Luci wasn’t pregnant… We kept dating on and off for about a year in which she created two more false pregnancy scares. Let the record reflect that I have never dated a sane woman in my life. I’m not saying they don’t exist, I’m just saying I haven’t found one.
So there it is… My first confession. I’ll be posting my anonymous confession at some other time, with some other name, and you fuckers won’t even know it was me… hopefully…
Anyway, confess away Shower Farters! The last contest was a really great time and if everyone follows through with their double confessions this one could be even better.
I’ll be posting the nominations and awards show sometime late next week!
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Farting in the Shower is a ramblingand ecclectic mix of short stories, embarrasing confessions, pictures, and fast food reviews.
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48 comments:
Where to begin. Well, since you kept it sexual and criminal, I will do the same.
I lost my virginity on my 15th birthday. Like you, I had a crush on one girl...that girl introduced me to her "hoey" cousin. I talked to the cousin to get information on the crush. But eventually the crush started dating this other guy and even moved in with him(yeah, at 14 or so, even with the parents permission, this is the ghetto).
But by then the cousin had started to like me and we talked about my virginity and me losing it. Long story short, the loss of my virginity was a birthday present. :-)
It was that year, really, that I found out that I was a decent looking guy. The very next day after that, already dropped out of High School, I went with my older brother to his job - towing carnival equipment around the West Coast.
In Boise, Idaho he had met a girl, took her out to dinner and introduced me to her. I could tell from the beginning that she was not that into him and felt like she was flirting with me. Being naive and inexperienced, I couldn't tell for sure and just let it go as a misunderstanding on my part. But then, a couple nights later, my brother convinced her to stay the night in his big rig with him...and being where we both sleep, there I was a few feet away from them. I could hear my brother trying to come on to her and her constant refusals. She didnt want to give him a kiss, hug him, nothing. I acted like I was asleep and didnt know. Then, after my brother quit trying and I could tell he had finally fallen asleep, I felt her hand grab mine and put it on her boob. I was shocked! She massaged her own boob with my hand and then reached downstairs to grab the anaconda. From then on, it was like instincts took over. We messed around for a while longer and when my brother woke up early the next morning to go to work...we finished what we had started the night before.
It was my first real sexual experience. Losing my virginity to the cousin was a one time thing with only one position - this was much more. It was lots of oral (her to me only, I was still grossed out with me giving oral to a girl then)...she absolutely loved giving it to me. She would tell me what she liked and expect me to do it. So alot of positions were done.
Later my brother found out because she left me lots of hickies. Being the cool brother that he was, he didnt care. But then things got weird because every morning, for the next week or so, she just showed up, right before my brother had to go to work, ready to spend the whole day with me and do whatever I wanted. She made me cassettes with love songs and even asked me to cum inside her...in the hope of getting pregnant. Of course I wouldnt, this was to be the beginning of my long phobia of getting a girl pregnant. Eventually we just left town without telling her...we were afraid of what she might do.
Last sexual story...on that same trip with my brother, in Yakima Washington, I was helping out a carnival car race ride when a white girl yelled at me about how "fine" I was. Apparently, Yakima Washington had been getting its first wave of Mexicans and was currently experiencing a brown man infatuation. She was one of the groupie white girls who had a thing for Mexican guys. Not being one to pass up an opportunity, I told her to stay there while I finished up the current game and after it was done took the rest of the day off. I convinced her to stay after hours and eventually got her alone in my brothers rig. Long story short, it was the first time I actually convinced a girl to have sex with me...where everything depended on my "game". We exchanged numbers, and I think I called her once...but that was it.
Armed with the loss of innocence, new sexual techniques, a love of sex, and the budding ability to convince a girl to have sex with me, I came back to Los Angeles a changed man. My life would never be the same.
I'd give a criminal story too but I've probably already said too much. :-)
well, since you guys have started with "first times", i guess i should too.
I won't talk about MY first time though but about someone else's with me. I will call this person El Chavo. I met El Chavo when he was 24 and i was 27. We became good friends and he was for ever falling in love with a different girl each week. He would tell me about how his dates with this and that girl went. One evening though, we were having dinner and he tells me "sonrisa i have to tell you something but please don't laugh or judge me" i was like "sure". He tells me that he was still a virgin!! by the way, he tells me this 3 years after we met!! so he was 27!! nothing wrong with it but it is very odd to hear of a 27 year old guy who is still a virgin. Anywho, i started asking questions...what do you mean you're still a virgin? what the hell do you do with the girls you go out with? WHAT DO YO MEAN YOU HAVE NEVER KISSED A GIRL!?!?!?" of course, i was very calm and compassionate about the whole thing. so anyway, another year passed and El Chavo was still a virgin!! mind you this guy is a very handsome guy but i was starting to think the was gay!!
One night we go out to dinner and i start asking him how the girl thing is going. he tells me that he is too nervous and scared to make a move because he is not sure he will do it right. so i start giving him suggestions and blah blah blah. after dinner we go out for drinks and some dancing. and like usual after a night out he decides to spend the night at my place...he usually slept on the couch. However, on this particular night he wanted to sleep in my bed!! i said "hell no mother fucker!! you are sleeping on the couch!!" i started to feel bad so i said "ok, here's the deal, you and will have sex BUT this will be the ONLY time!! if you can't handle that then you go to the couch but if you feel like you can then lets do it" he tells me "so this will be the ONLY time?" I said "yep, and i'll do anything you want me to do but IT WILL NEVER EVER HAPPEN AGAIN"...he went to the couch for a few seconds then came back to my room. "teach me" he says. we started off with the kissing, then we went on to other things *wink wink* At the end El Chavo cried...because according to him he just couldn't believe he wasn't a virgin anymore.
Now most of you guys are probably thinking "i can't believe you fell for the whole virgin story!!" But seriously, this guy was a virgin. He is also very close to some of my guy friends and El Chavo confessed to them that he was a virgin. That's when i started to believe El Chavo...there are certain things that remain sacred when talking to "the boys".
Anywho, after that night he would ask me "never ever?" my response would be "NEVER!" a few months later he got a girlfriend and he would call me for advice on what to do or how to do it.
I lost my virginity when I was 16 years old to my brothers best friend in the back of his car at the park. He was in his late 20's.
We 'dated' for a few months. No one knew we were going around. He would pick me up from school and he'd take me to his room (a converted garage). In the morning he'd pick me up, at the bus stop, take me to Mc Donalds and then to school. I have no idea what we had in common. That phase of my life is a blur for some reason. I think we would just make out. Till we did it. Once we did it the first time, I think we did it again second time. Then the drama ensued.
We never actually went out on dates. Sometimes I'd go with him and my brother to the movies. He'd come over to the house a lot. But no one was the wiser.
At school I had a crush on a boy, Jimmy was his name. So one day in French class I doodled all over a page in my notebook with I love Jimmy and hearts and what not. Now I did this on a page in the middle of the notebook. No one would see it unless they were flipping through my things.
Well, one Friday night after a football game my 'boyfriend' picked me up, and drove me to some remote place. I have no idea where I was. Probably Montebello, LOL. I was very sheltered and rarely left my nook of ELA. We got out of the car, I was just expecting to make out. But no, he takes out my notebook ( he had my backpack, I guess he was holding it for me my while I was at the game- I was in drill team) and flips to the love crush page and demands to know what is going on. He truly scared me, but I must of been some tough chica. He was screaming and yelling. I reassured him it was nothing. Maybe even suggested it was my best friends crush. Who knows. We were back in the car, he was fuming. So I start collecting my stuff and I opened the door.
"what are you doing" he asked.
"I'm walking home, you are being ridiculous and I don't need this drama" I said.
Now I can't remember if I actually started walking, now mind you I have no idea where we are at, or if I scared him enough to take me home.
Once he got me to my house, he asked if I could forgive him. I opened the door, got my stuff, got out of the car and looked in and said "no, I don't think I can". He speed away. After that we had a few phone calls but we never got together again.
It was a very long time before I got a real boyfriend. No one (not even my closest friends) ever knew I had lost my virginity to him. I still don't count him as #1.
well everyone is telling sex stories but I've decided to change it up a bit.
when i was 15 I stole money from my mom. i know that may not sound like a big deal to some people but it haunts me to this day. me and my mom were and still are very close.
anyway, she lost her purse one morning and a few hours later this man called the house and said he had found it. I was the only one home at the time so he brought it over and dropped it off with me. after he left i called my mom to tell her the good news. she asked me to open it up and see if there was any money still there. I found 10 crisp $20 bills... it all of a sudden hit me that if i took the money she would just assume that the guy who found the purse had taken the money. On an impulse I told her "no, there is no money".
she made some comment about how she had been saving the money to treat herself on a shopping spree for her birthday the following week. i felt terrible but it was too late to turn back. i had already lied about the money.
i ended up going to the mall with some girlfriends that weekend and bought a coach handbag that was on sale but i would never be able to afford normally. when i got home i told my mom that it was a knock off i bought downtown but she didnt believe me, she accused me of stealing the money from her purse. i denied it and went to my room. a few minutes later she came in and apologized for not believing me... that made me feel even worse!
it took me almost 10 years to come clean about it, and when i did, my mom claimed she had no memory of the incident. i think it would have made me feel better had she yelled at me or given me a lecture. but that's my mom.
Back in the day when I was in college. My girlfriends and I used to go to Chillers in the west side on Wednesday nights. They had dollar drink night. We literally went every Wednesday and sometimes on Saturdays too. We knew everyone there. The bouncers didn't charge us cover, we didn't have to wait in line we still had to buy our own drinks, but they were a dollar and that's what the guys were for.
One particular time, I met a guy there. We hung out and he asked me to take him home at the end of the night. He lived locally. I had had many drinks. I was a lush. My alcohol tolerance was very high (ahh the good ol' days). I was buzzed. But I was ok to drive, or atleast that's what I thought. I don't know what street we were on, but it was a big one. I was on the right hand lane. The guy mentioned that I needed to be on the other side of the street. So I made a U-turn, from the far right hand lane to the far left lane. That's when we saw the patrol car. The guy got out of the car and left. Fucker, come to think of it he didn't even call to see if I was ok. So I took off, the police hadn't flashed the lights or anything so I wasn't fleeing. I turned into an alley and found covered parking. I parked in one of the stalls and waited. Sure enough the cops found us. My girlfriend and I were in the car. The officer walked to my window and asked if I realized that the turn I made was illegal. I said yes. He then asked for license and registration. I had the registration in the glove compartment. But I remembered putting my purse in the trunk. I informed him of it, so I got out and walked to the trunk. I literally had to hold on to the car, I was so buzzed. I tried to play if off. I opened the trunk and looked in my purse and my license was not in there. I then realized that it was in my back pocket. So I took it out and handed it to the officer and I got back in my car. He took them and I guess he was looking at them or whatever they do when they asked for them. At that time I told my friend that my American Express was in my purse and that she had to bail me out ASAP. The officer came back and handed my license and registration back to me and told me to be careful. He let me go.
My friend and I were in shock. She was far more drunk than I but I think the incident sobered us up. We stayed in that parking spot for a while and then drove home.
HP- over the two confession contests we've held i think we've clearly been able to establish that you have a thing for dangerous sex! last time you were banging a friend's sister in the kitchen while her family was in the living room, and now you're getting friendly with your brother's love interest while he sleeps a few feet away... i like it... you dont go halfway on these confessions!
also, I suppose we could add that you were a Carny to the list of confessions! and as a side note, how the hell did you go from high school dropout and carnival worker to successful engineer?
I have a pretty weird "how I turned things around" life story and so these things always fascinate me. Anyway, I'd love to hear what happened some time.
Sonrisa- For some reason it never really occurred to me that he might have played you with the whole "virgin" act... I'm pretty sure it was true as well. I've stooped pretty low to sleep with a girl before but I just can't see myself letting the word potentially get out that I was a 27year old virgin just to get a one night stand unless it was true.
I guess my only question is, why were you so adamant about it being only a one time thing? Usually once you break that barrier there is no going back. If I talk a girl into bed once there is just no way I can't do it again. Was he that bad?
Tough Chica- This story is great on a couple of levels... the first thing that sticks out to me is that this guy was a real loser! for starters, he was in his late 20's and you were only 16. Being in the late 20's myself I can give assure you that I just can't picture a scenario where I have a relationship with a 16 year old girl... then you factor in the other things; lived in a garage; took you to remote spots instead of a hotel/motel; etc... plus he took you on dates to McD's!
of course, from your perspective, he's an older guy, more mature, knows more about life... I can see how you were talked into it.
second, that is SO much like a girl to not count a guy as her first because it was a secret relationship! guys are always trying to find a way to inflate the number on their "list" and girls are always trying to find a way to lower their number!
and finally, I have to give you credit for flipping that notebook incident around... lets review... while in the process of carrying your backpack around at the game he discovers that you have feelings for someone else. so much so that you've actually put those feelings into writing! naturally, he flips out a little... but even with the evidence agianst you in his hand you managed to convince him that it was all in his head and somehow his fault. so in the end he ends up driving you home and actually apologizes to you for what you did to him... and then you didn't even forgive him! LOL that cracks me up. I like to think of myself as a master of "fault flipping" but even I have give a little tip of the hat for a job well done.
Sorry Mom- sex confessions are great but I have to admit that a good thief story is fun to mix in... i don't know if you'll ever be able totally get rid of the guilt from that incident but i think "accidentally" slipping $200 into your mom's purse sometime might make you feel a little better.
Teresa- when someone is telling a story and the phrase "dollar drink night" is involved, two things happen:
[1] you know it's going to be a good story,
and [2] you know that at some point the police are going to be involved.
There was a bar back home where once a week they had a night where for $5 the waitress would bring out a tray of about 20 plastic cups full of cheap beer and leave it at your table... I only went a couple of times but there were always multiple fights, multiple bathroom puke incidents, and then of course everyone drove home drunk. I think the bar eventually changed ownership but for all I know, they might still have that once a week special. I have no idea how it was even legal.
Also, just for clarification, the guy you were driving home just hopped out of the car and ran away? LOL
And was he in line to possibly get any action from you or your friend once you took him home? That would have had a great deal of influence on whether or not I bailed out of the car when I knew the police were about to pull you over.
I guess, I should clarify, but then the story wont be as funny.
The guy I was driving home, I had met him at that bar before. We had agreed to meet there on that night. Me, to make out, him who knows. When I made the turn, I must of been in front of his apartment complex. He said goodbye. Didn't just jump off and ran away. BUT, he didn't bother to wait and see if I was going to be OK. I guess it makes it worse that I kind of already new him. What a jerk!
teresa- maybe he had an oustanding warrant or something? that's the only reason i would have bailed in that situation. he really missed a good chance. had he stuck around and acted calm during the whole police incident he would have won major points with you and could have immidiately cashed them in by inviting you guys up to his place to sober up and calm down following such a traumatic ordeal!
I have been having an affair with a guy for the past 8 years. The day before he got married he called to let me know that he was going to have dinner with his future in-laws and was getting cold feet. The day of the wedding he text me telling me that he "had to pretend he was happy". He also called me while he was on his honeymoon asking if I wanted him to bring me something. We saw each other about 4 weeks after he got married. If his wife is out of town he spends those days with me. We still see each other every other week.
I loooove to bite. And yes, I mean this in the way you think I mean it.
I often leave marks on my boyfriends' chest. I've never heard any complaints. Instead, I get next-day text messages like "I saw my love mark in the mirror. I smiled. Good times."
I've been asked/told not to bite once. This guy told me he was in an open relationship. He could see me, and she could see whoever she wanted, but there was one rule. She wasn't supposed to know about his sanchas, and vice versa. Thus, leaving a mark could have violated that rule.
She eventually did find out about me, but it wasn't because of a bite mark. There was "deep drama", so I was told. And he cut it off.
So much for "open" relationship.
pandora- 8 years, thats nearly a decade of on the DL sex! and what is the protocol for a 10 year annyversary with a mistress? surely it must involve a pearl necklace.
cindylu- wow... I would have NEVER guessed that you were a biter! I've only been with one girl who liked to bite. she told me before hand and I pretended like I was cool with it, but in reality I was thinking "I don't know if I want this girl biting me" but then when we were actually in the act and she did it, I have to admit, it was kinda hot! I was with her probably a half dozen times and it was always pretty cool the next day in the shower to discover bite marks on my inner thigh that I didn't even remember. like you said, "good times."
well I was all set to tell my own "I ran away from home" story, but the shower farter himself beat me to that. And the loss of my virginity is just a straight forward and boring story. "My girlfriend finally let me put it in. I did. 30 seconds later it was over."
So now I'm gonna have to tell a story that I never thought would see that light of day. We have to go back 13 years to when I was early in my first marriage.
I was 24 years old. I'd been married for a little over 2 years and my in-laws were having a 30 year anniversary party. It was a fairly informal get together and the drinks were flowing. I actually had to work the next day so I wasn't planning on drinking too much. But my brother kept bringing me drinks and before I knew it I was hammered. It was still kind of early in the party but I knew that if I drank anymore I'd end up crashing at the in-laws house and of course I had to work the next day so that was not an option.
My wife had to stay and help clean up after the party so I told her my brother was going to drive me home so I could get some sleep.
So off we went. At some point on the ride home (I was so drunk that the details are a little hazy) we were at a stop light and saw that some of friends of my brother were in the car next to us. there a guy, and I knew him because he hung with my brother, but there were 4 girls in the car with him, and I didn't know who they were. They had all just graduated high school with my brother the previous year and were all 20 or 21 I guess.
They probably all still lived at home with their parents and this was a smaller sized town in Texas that will go unnamed and there is never a lot to do, so they were just drivin around, drinking and looking for a place to party.
my idiot brother invited them to follow us back to my house. I didn't really want them to come over. The whole point of me leaving the party was to go home and sleep and now my brother was inviting people over to my house.
But I was drunk and he kept saying "wait until you meet these girls, they're really hot and pretty much all of them are easy". So they came over. And of course he was right. I actually don't remember a lot of specific details of how they looked but they were all pretty cute and I remember one of them in particular caught my eye.
I had some beer in the fridge that me, my brother, and his friend started drinking, and the girls all had smoothies that they were mixing with Malibu rum. At first it was awkward and were all just sitting around making small talk and drinking. Then my brother's friend suggested we play spin the bottle.
So there I am, drunk, while my in laws are celebrating their anniversary, and I'm playing spin the bottle with a bunch of drunken girls that I've never even met. It didn't take long for the game to get out of control. Quick kisses soon turned into long kisses and then make out sessions, girls were kissing girls, hormones were flowing and before I could even think about what was happening my living room looked like a porn set. At some point we just stopped spinning the bottle and were just all goin at it.
My brother was on the couch making out with a girl in her bra. My brother's friend had a girl in the bathroom. I was in the corner of the living room with the girl that had caught my eye and I was rounding 3rd base! Alcohol and lust had completely stopped my rational thought. it was now like 3a.m. and my wife could have come home at any second.
The only thing that saved me was the girl-to-guy ratio, 4 girls and 3 guys. This meant 1 of the girls ended up being alone. I remember her trying to get us all to stop and start playing the game again but we were just ignoring her. The girl in the bathroom doing god knows what with my brother's friend was actually the lonely girl's sister and out of jealously more than protectiveness she started making a big scene saying it was really late and they all had to get home. so she started pounding on the bathroom door with her shoe until her sister and my brother's friend came out. Then the sisters get into an argument and and I thought they were actually going to start swinging on each other but someone managed to calm them down and they all left. I got the impression that this was just another Friday night for these girls.
As soon as they left I crashed into my bed. I'm really not sure what time it was at that point but I heard my wife come into the bedroom just before I fell asleep. she couldnt have missed the parade of sluts leaving our neighborhood by much.
In the end, yeah It was a really sleazy thing to do but this is the sleazy confession awards, right? and how often do you get the chance to make out with four hot complete strangers in one night? I realized the next day that I just wasn't mature enough to be married. We were together another year or so before we split. she never found out about what happened and I never saw those girls again either.
I have to preface this confession with a very minor confession. I’m the world’s biggest closet nerd. I don’t try to hide it at all, I just don’t give the outward appearance of your stereotypical nerdy guy. Maybe I do and I just don’t know it, but I’m pretty sure I give off a normal dude kind of vibe. I’ve seen the Lord of The Rings movies over 20 times each, used to collect table top figurines for this game that wasn’t quite Dungeons and Dragons but was damn near close and even more complex, still play video games well into my twenties, and I’m getting more and more into anime.
So that mini “confession” had to be explained to set up my real one.
I fucked an elf. I’ll explain.
My girlfriend of a little over three years had just moved to Nevada, and I had very mixed feelings about this. In a way I was happy that she had left because the relationship had been going down hill for about a year but neither one of us had the balls to get out, so when she got a job offer from an old friend who worked out there, I think we both saw it as a way to get out of the train wreck of a relationship we had. Still, when someone you had spent that much time with is all of a sudden out of your life, if affects you. So I was a big jumbled mess of emotions, ecstatic to be free of her tyranny, but still very vulnerable and lonely.
Well before she had moved, I had gotten into World of Warcraft and I was in deep. I had a level 70 character, I was in a guild, and for those of you who don’t know, that game is like heroin. The now ex-girlfriend never had a problem with me playing because I would pretty much only play when she was at work or sleeping. I worked from home at the time so I could get my fix almost whenever I wanted. It started out as a way to keep in touch with my younger brother and we would get together in the game, catch up and kill some trolls. Eventually, I met some other people in the game (my guild) and had gotten to know quite a few of them pretty well.
Well one of the people in my guild was actually a female. Believe me, I was as shocked as you were. Imagine my surprise when I found out she was actually attractive. At least she was in her Myspace pictures. So I tell her about what’s going on with my recently departed girl friend and she tells me that she’s had a serious thing for me for a few months. I’m a bit confused because she has never seen me before, not even a picture. I say thanks I am flattered but we don’t really actually know each other and let her down as nicely as possible.
A few weeks go by and this girl becomes kind of persistent. We start talking on the phone occasionally, I start to believe that she isn’t actually some 40 year old man named Bubba, and then she proposes that we get together in real life. I’m hesitant at first but then she starts in with the dirty messages in game. A guy can only hear “I want to suck your cock” so many times before he breaks down and says ok. She lives in Pennsylvania so it wouldn’t be that bad of a drive.
On my way up to PA, I’m just praying that the pictures I’ve seen of her are real, because at this point I’m committed and if I’m driving six hours for sex, I’m going to have sex with her, even if she turns out to be a fatty. Well I lucked out and she turns out to be slightly better looking in person. I spend the next three days with her and we barely left her apartment. Turns out she was a biter too.
So there it is. I fucked a girl I met in World of Warcraft. And for those of you know me, this is a completely separate incident from my Boston trip.
I was going to talk about my green toes but you ruined it.
My head is made up of memories, most of them useless delusions.
SpinDoctor- I had a dream that went remarkably similar to that last night, then I woke up and "finished" the dream in the shower... and I've decided to move to Texas to hang with your brother and his friend... and not too judge because ive got my own skeletons, but damn, that was pretty fucked up, lol!
Eric- my first thought when I read the line "i fucked an elf" was: "god damn if he's going to spill the beans about having sex with a midget under his real name just imagine what kind of dirt he'll give us for the anonymous confession!"
also, umm... you can't make a vague "this is a completely separate incident from my Boston trip" comment and then leave the rest of us hanging.
moe greene- you suck... i really mean that. do you know how excited i got when i recieved a "moe greene has left a comment on your blog" email? and then all i got was an excuse and some blink lyrics?! you bastard. dont make me your confession for you.
EVERYONE- this has been amazing so far. I can't explain how exciting it is to hit refresh on my email to see if we've gotten any new confessions come in... and the best part is that if im doing the math correctly and everyone participates, we've still got plenty more confessions still to come! i'm so glad chancla suggested this.
The Boston Trip is similar, not nearly as shady. I got on a plane to Boston the day after my ex girlfriend left for Nevada and banged a blond bartender in my $350 a night hotel suite at the hilton. I just wanted to prove to myself that I was over the girl that left and nothing does that like going to a city I've never been to before and nailing a complete stranger.
E Rich - This is the first story that included "I drove six hours for sex" that didn't include Chris Hansen.
Or did it?
eric- well it seems like it worked out for you but i dont know that I could reccomend that for anyone. the risk/reward factor on that is pretty scary... imagine you fly all the way to boston and drop that kind of scratch and the girl turns out to be not quite what you thought, or worse yet she's exactely what you hoped only she decides she's not that into you... then you're stuck in a strange city, knowing you just blew a bunch of money, alone, rejected, and depressed. that has the potential for disaster... none the less, i applaud you for having that sack to put your chips on the table and play that hand.
moe- "we were just gonna hang out... and I always carry condoms with me... hey, I'm not in trouble am I?"
Oh I didnt go to Boston to meet anyone specific. I had no idea if I was even going to get laid or not. I just had the plan to go up there and fuck somebody. And I did.
eric- i'm not sure if that makes it more, or less impressive... i'd say more impressive but less brave. it wasn't as big a risk certainly, but having the skill to pull that off is impressive. ecspecially considering that you had just gone through a break up. two sure things that will effect my "game" 100% of the time is [1] being depressed, and [2] needing to get laid... the depression is obviously all about the confidence issue, and the "needing it" is a matter of being able to keep yourself as laid back and calm as possible even though you're really secretly desperate to close the deal... I just don't have the talent to pull that off. hat tip to you my friend.
Confessions, confessions...
Well....basically, I have been having an affair for over 5 years now. And I feel like I can do anything with him. I dont feel like that with my husband. There is nothing that I am scared to try. We have done it in just about every room in the house, and in every position imaginable, and it been great!!!
It definitely helped that I was in a city that I knew absolutely no body and nobody knew me. For whatever reason, that was a huge confidence boost, knowing I could be whoever I wanted to be. I definitely didnt outright lie about anything, but you can certainly paint a different picture for a complete stranger.
This is going to sound incredibly chauvinistic but its pretty true. When you're trying to pick up the type of girl that is just going to fuck some dude thats in town for a night or two, it certainly didnt hurt that I was dropping seriously coin and had a baller hotel suite.
And I can't claim that I struck gold with the first girl I tried with. So don't be too impressed. Thats the other part about being in a place that you know you will never be recognized again, I had absolutely no fear of failure, so if I struck out, who cares, move on.
Moe- Come on, I was counting on a good one from you. You're killing me.
Oh! That dude did let me bite once. Well, not really. He was like "I want to kiss you," and I wouldn't let him. So we talked for hours. And somewhere along the line I bit him on the shoulder or arm (both were covered by his weater). I think there was warning. He was pretty surprised that I did it.
Sometimes, when I see a really attractive guy, I'd like to go up to him and just bite his shoulder. I wonder how he'd react.
In middle school, I was so desperate for a boyfriend, that I decided to do what any normal girl would do: make one up.
I kept up my pseudo love affair all through high school and beyond. I'd write myself letters, buy myself flowers and stuff. I even bought myself a ring!
I'm pretty sure everyone saw right past it. Still, it was fun to have a day dream readily available. To this day, none of my friends have called me out. They probably just talk shit behind my back.
LOL @ Joel's pearl necklace comment.
Every Room- I'm never leaving my wife at home alone again.
Eric- I always enjoyed putting months of work into a seduction and making slow progress. It's was the thrill of the chase for me. Also, if you're not pursuing any one target extra hard it allows you to pursue several targets and increase the probability that something will work out... but you can never understate the effect of pulling off a one night stand can have on your confidence. That was pretty much the perfect solution for how to get through that initial overwhelming depression of the breakup.
Cindylu- I feel like I've learned almost as much about you from this biting confession as I have from years of reading and commenting on each others blogs... You should reveal a surprising erotic fetish on here more often!
Mentirosa- is this serious? could this possibly be true? God I hope so. Obviously, everyone has known someone who claimed to have a girl/boyfriend that goes to some far away school, but you're saying that not only did your pretend boyfriend last for years but that you went so far as to fabricate elaborate pieces of evidence as proof of his existance? THAT IS............ AWESOME... and a little disturbing, but seriously, way more awesome than anything else.
Did anyone ever try and call you out on it? Were there any times where you were almost caught or almost confessed? Did you parents or family know about this fake boyfriend? Did you show the notes to anyone else? I think I would have "accidentally" left one of the notes lying around where someone would find them and be like "oh shit, la mentirosa actually isn't a liar, she really does have a bf cause I read one of the notes!"
Did you use diferent handwriting? What was his name?
And please, for the love god, did you save any of his letters to you? If you did you really should give us a sample of what kind letter he would send you.
I'm totally facinated by this confession. I seriously have dozens of questions about this... I think everyone can relate to it because we've all known that kid that told the "I do have a bf/gf but you guys just dont know about it b/c he/she lives far away from here" story, you just took a more ambitious approach.
I can't wait to read your responses. I love this story.
HP- I wasnt sure anyone would pick up on that or not.... I should have known you would though!
I'm shocked that you find this so amusing, next to everyone else's confessions, mine looked so lame. So, thanks.
It is totally true. In fact, I fed the lie to my current boyfriend and he totally thinks pseudo boyfriend was for real. One year, for Valentine's day, when current bf was being a jack ass, I told him Armando (that was the name of the fake one) had sent me flowers at work. He got all upset and told me I better throw them away.
There were times I wanted to confess, but it was way too much fun, sometimes. There was this one girl that tried to call me out, but she never had enough proof. Plus, I had the letters and trinkets he'd given me as proof.
I've always been pretty good at morphing my handwriting. I'm pretty sure if I wanted to, I could forge anyone's handwriting. So writing the notes was super simple. I used to have the notes, but during one of my seasonal purging sessions, I got rid of all of them. Sorry, dude.
There have been so many times now, as an adult, that I want to come clean, but imagine the cluster fuck that would cause. Plus, I always made sure to keep the lie as far away from my family as possible.
I told my friends that he was a friend of my brother and cousins and that my brothers would murder him if they knew. My mom and sister read about him in my journal once. They couldn't ever figure out who he really was, so they just chalked it up to me being me, but they watched my every move for a while until they eventually forgot or gave up.
I have been trying so hard to come up with something and I'm failing miserably. The only "bad" things I did growing up were the same things every teenager does - telling mom and dad I was spending the night at a friends house when I was really following around my pot head 20-something sort-of boyfriend; driving the car into a street pole and saying some mystery drive plowed into my parked car in the parking lot; taking sips out of mom's vodka and replacing it with water; having awkward teenage sex in my parents basement while they were upstairs watching Andy Griffith...Nothing to see here.
Okay...so here's my anonymous one...:-)
One day, had to be during the week cuz it was a slow night, I was kicking back at my friends backhouse, where you entered through an alley a block from my place. It was a popular hang out and during the weekend it could get packed. But this night was especially slow. It was just two of us hanging out and talking shit. Then unexpectedly, a third friend shows up with two very sexy girls.
This was the time of Eazy E and Compton gangsta rap and these girls had a real thing for "boys from Compton". The friend that brought them already had picked one for him but needed a wing man for the second girl. Not one to pass up an opportunity, I immediately started chatting her up and making her laugh. When I could tell she was into me I invited her to take a ride...just me and her. My friend would have appreciated it as this gives him more alone time with his girl.
Knowing that my mom was not at home I convinced her to hang out at my place. After some foreplay, I eventually ended up sleeping with her. I was actually surprised that I was able to pull it off, because she was so good looking...but I did (on a separate note, she was the first girl I had ever been with that had it completely shaved down there...). We exchanged numbers and after dropping her off with her friend later that night she was on her way.
But because neither of us was at home very much, it was hard to get in contact (this was before cell phones were common). She would call me and leave a message, I would call her and do the same. Only thing, every time I called her, her sister would answer, it seemed like she was always home. Being the big flirt I was, after about the second time calling, I started chatting up her sister - who, btw, had a VERY sexy voice. Eventually, her sister and I had conversations and started getting to know each other. She would ask if I am dating her sister...and of course I said no. :-) Eventually, I would call just to talk to the sister...no longer the original girl. After a couple conversations on the phone I suggested we meet up. She agreed. Before we met though, the sister found out and tried to get me back. She told me she liked me and wanted to meet up...but by then I already had my mind set on meeting the new sister.
So we meet up...and guess what??? She is nothing like her sister!!! Don't get me wrong - she was not butt ugly, but there was a clear difference between her and her sister. But what could I do...I was already there on our supposed date. So I suggested we go to the movies...its less personal and it wont lead her on as much. But when we were in the movies she starts putting the moves on me. At first I resisted, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I gave in some. When she leaned on me...I let her. When she hugged me, I let her...and when she tried to kiss me, I kissed back.
I thought whats wrong with a few kisses...but then she started getting feely with me...and I could only resist so much. There is only so much a girl can do before she actually starts looking significantly more attractive! Eventually the passion lead to the car and before you know it...I slept with her too! After wards, we talked a little but then I took her back home.
Eventually, after a couple more phone conversations, it completely ended...but now, I could forever say, I slept with sisters!
Mentirosa- again, what I love about the confession isnt that it was so bad or even embarrasing, it's just that you did something fairly common for middle school kids, and then took it to an insanely ambitous grand scale... I mean, you started out at this normal, desperate, teenage girl stage, but then when you sat down and started faking handwriting you pushed it to another level that is as impressive as it is depressing. and for that I salute you.
Lauren- I really wish you would have given me some notice that you were going to post that... had I known, we would have set up a camera on Moe's computer to record his facial expressions as he (father of two young girls) read your relaxed references to sneaking out, lying, casual sex, sex with an adult, car accidents, and under aged drinking. What makes it extra special is the fact that Moe and I actually know you, and know you're a perfectly well adjusted, normal, likable human being, who went to college and leads a productive life... so even under the best case scenario, that is what Moe has to look forward to!
HP- sisters is an impressive feat... The closest I can come to that is being able to say I've made out with sisters. In fact, the girl I mentioned as being my first boob grab in the stolen car confession was one of them... a few years later I made out with her sister... only, if I'm going to be completely honest, neither of them were anything to write home about. frankly, they were dogs. I actually could have closed the deal with either one of them on several occasions but as much as I wanted to say I had done sisters, I just couldnt get past the fugly factor in either case... nice girls though, both of them.
My first kiss was at 14. He was a 26 year old Italian man. It was a long, dry and aggressive kiss. It was at the front door of my home and my parents were inside. I can no longer remember his name. I was introduced to him through my cousin's girlfriend.
I've manually cleaned the pipes three times in a 24-hour period.
kiss a stranger- based on unfortunate cultural stereotypes, I assume he was the aggressor... I also envision him with exposed hairy chest hair.
harry palms- I'm going to call BS here... I just don't believe that your personal record is only 3. When I first discovered that I could touch myself enough to cause an orgasm I went crazy... I couldnt keep my hands off myself.
Every guy at some point between the ages of 14-16 ended up home from school, alone, and bored and decided after that second tug job of the morning to see what kind of total they could put together if the ther really put their heart into it... my personal best was five, and I did it when I was 14. as an aside, I used an old T shirt to wipe up with and later my mother discovered it hidden under my matress and then washed it and put it back... you want to talk about some uncomfortable stairs at the dinner table, holy shit!
and its no cooincidence that later in life I hit that golden 5 mark with a partner once in a 7 hour session where we only left the bed to get something to drink... god I miss that girl... anyway I was basically shooting powder on the grand finale, but I had always wanted to prove to myself that I could tie my record with an actual girl there with me.
so anyway, I think you've done more than 3 in 24 hours and you're holding back.
maybe I'm wrong and other guys will come forward and say I was a totally perverted 14 year kid, but so be it. i think what we have is the start of a good confession, we just need an honest total.
I too have maxed out at 5...both alone and with a girl. Interesting you say the same thing cuz I've discussed this with my friends and they too seem to max out at 5. I wonder if 5 is the upper limit? Has any guy broken this record?
A few years ago, I traveled to [city] for [insert reason]. Rather than spend money on a hotel, I decided to stay with "Josh." I didn't tell the BF about where I was staying, because I knew it was crossing a line. I had dated Josh a few years before, but we were now good friends. He was flirty, though. He'd send the occasional innuendo-filled text message. I wouldn't mind. I'd even tell him stuff about my sex life with the BF. I asked for advice about what to do on the few occasions when the BF had issues getting it up. Needless to say, Josh was no help. He just laughed. Yeah, I know now I should have never brought that up.
Back to the trip, when I got to Josh's apartment, I was surprised to find that even though he had two bedrooms, I'd have to sleep in his bed. There was no heat in the living room and no bed in the second bedroom. This would be okay. Right?
I reminded myself of the promise I made just a few weeks earlier when I realized that the BF's family really liked me: I couldn't screw this up. Cheating would definitely be screwing up.
I slept in Josh's queen bed. I behaved, at least the first few nights. The fourth night we got high -- I think we did this every night -- and went to bed. I gave in to temptation. I didn't have sex (oral included) or kiss Josh, but we definitely did stuff that crossed the line. What's third base? I think it might have been that, but no kissing.
I left the next morning and returned home. Due to a fight that I started plus some travel, I went a week without seeing the BF. A week later, he broke up with me, but it wasn't related to what happened in [city], he never knew about that. It was mundane stuff about being good enough for me or something. I was really upset about the breakup, but at the same time pretty relieved. I was never racked with guilt about what I did with Josh.
Several months later, I was single and, um, restless. I also had a free flight. I called up Josh and set up a very long distance booty call. The next afternoon I was on a flight to [city]. That evening, we got high, watched some TV and then started to make out. I didn't feel right. I realized I didn't like how he kissed. But whatever, I followed him to his room so we could deal with my restlessness and finally have sex (I was a virgin tease when I first dated him). In his familiar bedroom, we turned down the lights and played the "panties down playlist."
Sigh.
Josh couldn't get it up. Well, he was able to get something going, but it didn't last long. He lasted for all of 10 seconds before he went limp. I tried to be cool about it and help him out with hands and mouth, but his dick wasn't responding. Josh had me lie down and took care of me and I slept soundly that night... but I still needed dick.
We tried again the next night after going out and getting drunk. I was now super horny, that's what happens when I get drunk. Back in his bedroom, he can't get it up. This time, I was annoyed and frustrated. He could sense it as I refused to help him out and pushed him away. I just didn't want to suck a limp dick. Josh was clearly frustrated and upset too, but he insisted on taking care of me again.
I didn't bother trying the next day before my flight home. I took an L on that long-distance booty call. I blame karma.
escandalo- you have officially totally thrown FITS into a state of chaos. Moe Greene and I have been discussing your confession all morning!
HP- I think I could have topped five with a partner that night, but we only had 7 hours. I was 22 or 23 at the time and lets just say I could recharge the battaries real quick back then... I think if I tried it now I'd be max out at about 4.
I really am interested to hear what other guys have to say about this topic.
also, I think the deadline for entries is going to be Friday at noon, eastern standard time... I'll post some initial thoughts around that time, then we'll do nominations on Monday, and I'm aiming for the award show on Thursday.
This is really weird because I've also maxed out at five when flying solo. I recall wanting to see how many times I could do it in one day. I think I physically could have done more, but I was absolutely cooked mentally. Having an orgasm was about the last thing I wanted to do by the end of the day.
With a girl, my record is seven, but this was from early morning until late at night. Five times in a seven hour period is impressive. Tip of the cap to you sir.
I have an ex that is coming into town in about a month....He contacted me through Myspace, and we have talked a few times on the phone. This ex I had when I was in high school...He asked how I was doing and we made small talk...Was it awkward, sorta...The most awkward moment came when he asked me if we could have a threesome...I paused for a minute, and....agreed! I have never done this before in my life, and I am scared, nervous, and excited all at the same time! Considering this threesome will have nothing to do with my husband....But in fact my ex, and the current guy that I am having an affair with! I feel so wrong, but at the same time know that my husband would NEVER EVER do this in a million years...Me on the other hand, I am a very sexual person, and I can’t wait to do this.
I called my neighbor who I have been having an affair with for over 5 years now, and told him and he agreed to be in on this, and agreed to "take care of me". If I wanted to stop, he would make sure that things stopped..and he also is very anxious to do this as he has never had a threesome either. Excited, anxious and nervous are all emotions that I am feeling right now. Come on March!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)
From an imaginary boyfriend, to a carnie banging his brother's girl, to a girl cheating on her husband with her neighbor and another guy...
Wow.
And to think, I was going to tell everyone about the time I played truth or dare as a seven-year-old and realized my penis was different than everyone elses. Let me tell you, boys under ten aren't very forgiving of foreskin. The experience scared me into never letting a girl see my little fella' over the next 11 years until I met my wife. Hell, at age ELEVEN, I prayed that the extra skin would just fall off so that I could just be normal.
Sorry folks, I can't compete here.
Yeah..always wanted to have a threesome.....so, why not do it? Once in a lifetime thing, right???
Moe--I am sure your penis is just fine....I have heard Joel mention it before, you have 3 kids, so obviously there is no problem there....
you need a "caution: comments teetering on x-rated" disclaimer or something. i'm not sure i wanted to know your inner perversions this well.
my own caution is that my sleazy confession is more gross than 'exciting'.
this is another inebriation story. i drank a lot from the time i was sixteen to when i turned 19. i only had one black-out and that's a story for another day--or maybe i blogged it? the first time my mom caught me stumbling in the front door drunk she yelled and cursed that not even my brother had ever come home like this. (i think that's b/c he wasn't coming home at all but i was too wasted to make that point.) i felt this was a double standard--that it would be more acceptable or even expected if i was her son instead of daughter. and as a result i didn't stop, actually i did little to hide it--her disapproval and my anger towards my parents (a story for another day) worked as an excellent incentive. i rationalized that i still got good grades, i only did it on weekends, and i had a job that helped me pay for it. as a result i discovered that i preferred hard liquor to beer, hated rum and vodka was my liquor of choice. when money was tight, i settled for beer and eventually learned that i could get an easy buzz with two bottles of booms farm. so one night when my friends and i were looking for a party--we had a friday party drought during one spring that would devastate us so we would pick up liquor and cruise around before calling it a night. i asked for my two bottles of booms but my friend somehow ended up giving me a bottle of mad dog. and we both shrugged when we noticed the mistake. in the time that we looked and looked and found no party i polished off the entire bottle. it didn't really hit me until i walked into my house and then i just went straight to bed. next thing i know i open an eye, its morning and my mother is peering down at me with a look of concern that i usually saw when i had fevers as a child. when i try to lift my head the side of my face is stuck to my pillow. yes, i was sleeping in a pool of my own vomit. and i have a vague memory of blowing chunks sometime during that night--maybe about dawn b/c there was some light out already coming into my bedroom window and then just collapsing back on my pillow and continuing to sleep. the thing is that in my memory i always saw myself from behind almost like an out of body experience type of deal and i've always wondered if i almost went out like jimmy hendrix. i obviously didn't learn my lesson not until the close call with the kidnappers. so there you have it, i've just realized that i was probably a teen alcoholic...
A~D- well... I don't really know what to say to that. really... I've been sitting here for the better part of 10 minutes and I've got nothing except, maybe, um "be safe".
Chanclita- i tried Mad Dog one time and it was so nasty and strong that i couldnt even get through half the bottle... when i worked the midnight shift at a gas station we sold it and only homeless guys would drink it cause it was really cheap, and really strong... i'm both horrified and impressed that you were able to take down the whole bottle. i'm also kinda surprised to find out that the kidnapping incident came after this pool of puke incident. i think almost Hendrixing would have been more of a wake up call, than the kidnapping, not that the near-kidnapping wasn't substancial in itself, i just think i would have been more afraid of death.
I've had threesomes before and have very much enjoyed them!!
i've been with two guys and me. And i have also been with a girl, a guy and me. I enjoyed the girl and guy more then the two guys. For some reason I found it more excited when the guy watched the girl and i getting it on. That totally turned me on!! The girl, who I will call Red, and I were completely naked "exploring" our bodies as the guy, who I will call Gray, was fully dressed sitting on a chair watching Red and I on the bed. He later joined us and well you can use your imagination.
When I was with the two guys it was just a bit annoying and uncomfortable. I was trying to get both of them involved but it was pretty difficult when both of them wanted just me
My point?...Have fun A.D.!!! enjoy yourself to the fullest!!
Well...I meant within a certain time frame. Definitely by 7 or 8 hours, more like within 6 hours. I've never met anybody that could do more than five within those time frames. Though it probably has to do more with ganas than with biology. By the fifth one, were so tired and out of the mood (and by then shooting pure drops) that we dont shoot (pun intended) for the sixth. That's my theory atleast.
Thanks sonrisa morena!!
I intend to have lots of fun....but also being safe too!
I have never done this before, but have really wanted to. I will see how it is with the 2 fellas....I have also wanted to have a little fun the other way too--including another girl in the mix...Only this time, including my husband..cause he has mentioned it before too...So that may be next... ;)
I cant wait until the end of March!!
Only hard part will be breaking the ice and getting things started...which I am worried about....
My marriage is picture purfect. For some reason, I always have feelers out there. I am always trying to get into some girls pants. It seems it is common theme among all these comments. Joel I think you must blog about this in an upcoming blog. Why do we cheat? Are there rules to cheating? I for one have a ton of rules. Anywho.
When I was starting to date my wife, I had begun dating two girls at the same time. This was the day and age of the beeper. I guess you can tell how long ago that was. I had been dating each of them for a couple of days. I kept this up for about three weeks. On this particular day, the morning was given to the lets call her Curly(not my wife and not to be confused with one of the three stooges). We had run some errands at the Mega Mall. We held hands. We smooched.
At the end of the morning date, we came back to my place. We made out some more and one thing led to another. We had some pretty decent sex. It wasnt stellar. The problem came that my wife was paging me crazy thru the whole process. I kept telling Curly it was my brother. Once everything was done, I told Curly I had to go pick him up from his job and that I had already agreed to pick him up. I was sweating the whole time, but not for the reason you think.
I didnt even get to shower. I just got my clothes on and took her home. Hell, I dont even remember if I took her home. All I remember was calling my wife and telling her I was on my way. I was supposed to go and meet her downtown to go watch a movie.
The whole time I was paranoid that she could smell the other girl. I think I went to the restroom at every chance I could get to sniff myself and wash my hands. Oh yeah prior to the sex my fingers had wandered all over. Use your imagination. It was a crazy day. Still it was kind of cool to juggle two women like that.
I had another incident that was similar. It was not as exciting as this one. Her name was Ana. She had came out of town to see me. Still this one was more exciting. I guess I just can't seem to stay faithful.
hooked up- a post devoted to why men cheat? hmmmm, sounds like the kind of post that could end in divorce and I'd kinda like to stay married for the time being.
as for the curly incident, there is just no way you could have pulled that off in today's world of cell phones and text messages... the wife would have blown up the phone and left a half dozen voice mails until you called back and then you would have had to try and call her from the bathroom or just hope that you could make the phone call sound as amgiguous as possibel to both women who would of course be listening for clues/signs of another woman... technology is great, but there are some drawbacks.
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