The Queen of the Mall

I suppose my first mistake (aside from going to the mall in the first place, or putting off my Christmas shopping until the last minute) was going to the toy store first... I had to buy gifts for two of my little cousins. My thinking was that those would be the easiest gifts to pick out so I would start there. And as it turns out I was right. One Buzz Lightyear and one Sheriff Woody action figure. Done. Just like I had planned.

What I wasn't counting on however was that ever time the bag I was carrying the toys in would brush against anything the Buzz Lightyear would go off and announce to anyone standing near by that he was headed "To infinity and beyond!"

The first time it was funny. It became a mild annoyance when I was walking through the mall. But once I got to the jewelry store and started trying to shop for my wife, it got down right embarrassing.

"Excuse me miss, I was wondering if you could show me that earring and necklace set right over- [TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!] there..."

I was trying to be serious and make an expensive decision on jewelry, and every few seconds Buzz had to interrupt.

But things would only get worse from there... The lady at the jewelry store was named 'Reina'. For those of you who aren't bilingual, 'Reina' means 'Queen' in Spanish. Its a fairly common name, but its a little too grandiose for my tastes... Oh look, here we have a real Queen in the flesh, and of course, where else would you expect to find a Queen but working at a jewelry place in the mall for $9/hour... I don't know if its my negative attitude towards the name or just pure coincidence, but I've also never had a good experience with a woman who has this name.

Anyway, the "Queen" was for the most part plesant and in her mid 40's... She was professional and helpful during the process, but I could tell that Buzz Lightyear's antics were starting to get on her nerves. No matter how I tried to re-arrange the bag, Buzz just couldn't be silenced. There was nothing to do but ignore him and focus on the matter at hand... "Queen" showed me a dozen different pieces of jewelry. None of them had prices on them, so every time I liked something she would have to go into the back to check. Invariably, each time she would come back and say "oh what luck, this one is on sale" and then she would give me a price that seemed to very contrary to the spirit of the whole "sale" theme.

But of course it was too late in the shopping season to be picky so I settled on something I thought Morena would like and had the Queen wrap it up. As she did this she began making small talk. She asked what the weather was like outside, if it was dark yet, what road conditions were like, and how the traffic was... All of this led me to assume she was about to get off work and was trying to gauge what kind of commute she was facing.

"About to get off work?" I asked as she handed over the bag with my gift.

She froze and gave me a cold hard stare... I got the sense that I had done something wrong. Was there something wrong with my question?

"Aren't you married?" she asked. It was more of an accusation than a question. Her tone was clearly offended.

Now I'm not a perfect husband. I hit on other women, I flirt, I have wandering eyes... but I do have some standards. For instance, I would never hit on a 45 year old woman who is mildly attractive at best while I'm shopping for my wife, even if she is a 'Queen'!

I walked away angry thinking "that's another bad 'Reina' experience I can add to my list," and of course Buzz was still pulling his antics. With not nearly all of my shopping done, I decided it was time to go. I still have a little bit of time left, and the grocery store across the street from my house sells gift cards from just about every store on the planet. If my family doesn't approve of the lack of creativity in this years gifts they can blame Buzz Lightyear and the Queen of the Mall Jewelry Store.