The First Amendment Gets Double Penetrated

Last Thursday a friend, FITS reader, and University of Maryland alum, E-Rich, sent out an email to our circle of friends linking to an article reporting UMD's plans to show the high budget porn production, Pirates II, at a student theatre on the campus.

I read the article, saw that it was being screened under the context of, “[providing] students with an alternative to late-night drinking and other dangerous activities,” and that Planned Parenthood would be making a presentation about safe sex prior to the movie.

My initial thoughts were: [a] I’d much rather watch porn on my laptop, alone, than in a theatre full of people, but that [b] it might be a good way to get students who otherwise might not be willing to sit through a safe sex talk to sit through one. And finally, [c] why was there even a smidgen of controversy about this? The vast majority of college students are over 18, nobody is being forced to watch it, and in the age of the internet porn has become mainstream.

It was a semi-interesting topic but nobody who got the email had any emotional responses to the prospect of the movie aside from, it might be “awkward,” and, “go Terps!”

We just kind of shrugged our shoulders and said, “whatever…”

Then, on the very same day I got the email from E-Rich, a republican State Senator actually introduced an amendment to a bill in the Maryland General Assembly that would have cut all funding to state schools that screened x-rated material, unless it was part of an academic course… Worse yet, it looked like the amendment might even pass!

The university --in an attempt to avoid a showdown-- canceled the screening, and the issue was eventually dropped. No movie, no vote.

I was actually on campus for a class that night and the general consensus was one of frustration that the General Assembly was wasting time and tax payer money on such an insignificant issue… But at the same time, we didn’t think it was an issue worth potentially losing funding over. It sucked, but the school had done the only thing they could do. The question they had to ask themselves was, “Is it really worth losing nearly a half billion dollars over a pornographic spoof of the Pirates of the Caribbean?”

Once again, I put the issue behind me… until I checked my email this morning that is. Cindylu was kind enough to direct me to an article from the Washington Post reporting that angry students were planning on showing the movie anyway. They plan on showing it tonight… And of course, the same douchebag senator is once again making threats of cutting off the money if the university doesn’t block the students from showing the movie.

So now we’re on the cusp of a showdown… my guess is that the university will stop students from showing the movie, and I understand their point of view. It’s just now worth risking so much just to prove a point, especially when basically everyone with a decent grasp on common sense already agrees with them.

But then I ran across this quote from the president of the senate (who by the way, was in favor of the bill) in the UMD Student Newspaper, The Diamondback: "Yes, the amendment was overkill, but at the same time, it would have passed because it forced legislators to either vote for hardcore pornography or university funding."

Translation: I know it was a waste of time, I know it doesn’t make much sense, but we all would have voted for it anyway because we’re spineless and don’t want the allegation one day made in an election campaign that we sort of, kind of, half-way supported pornography. So fuck the First Amendment, we have to worry about getting reelected!

Like I said, if the University of Maryland decides to somehow prevent the students from screening the movie, I’ll understand… But part of me wishes they would call the bluff of all these self righteous, publicity seeking assholes and show the damn movie. Are those State Senators really willing to risk being known as the guys who cut funding to the crown jewel of the state’s education system because they were afraid some kids might see people having sex?

And in case you’re wondering, in 2005 when the same student theater screened the legendary x-rated classic “Deep Throat,” the State Assembly had nothing to say about it.