Hall of Fame

I was riding in to work this morning and the shuffle button on my MP3 player was in the zone... It followed up a Biggie song with some Big Pun and it got me thinking about fat entertainers. I decided that it was more or less my duty to start a Fat Guy Hall of Fame!

There should be a couple of ground rules though. For instance, I don't want any of these Fat Guy Imposters... You know, guys that are a little big boned but they try and count themselves as a Fat Guy. A few notable examples include the Beluschi brothers and Don Francisco.

The other major group that should be excluded is guys who had big accomplishments when they were relatively thin but then later on ballooned up... Good examples would be Elvis, Ronaldo, and Marlon Brando (he wasn't really that fat in The Godfather he just had a really large head).

Of course the final rule of the Hall of Fame is that I can make up, change, or ignore the rules as we go with no explanation needed.

The way it will work is, if you have a Fat Guy of note that you believe qualifies for the Hall of Fame then send in the nomination to the comments section of this or any future post on my blog... I'll make my judgment and then if they make the cut they'll be placed on the Fat Guy HOF list which I'll be adding as a permanent link on the left column of my Blog.

The Fat Guy nominee should have made some notable accomplishment[s] to the world, in general, but in theory should alkso have done something for the greater good of the common Fat Guy.

Just to give a good example of how it works, I have a list of three inaugural Fat Guy Hall of Fame Nominees:

GEORGE FOREMAN:

In my opinion George falls under the category of someone that really isn't fat, just big boned... he also made many of his major accomplishments when he was a young thin boxer in the 70's... So by definition he probably should not qualify for the Hall of Fame BUT in this case, I'm willing to make an exception for 3 reasons.

[1] Fat guys get the stereotype of being jolly... and while George is in fact very jolly, he can also kick your ass! Although the theory cannot be proven, I'll bet the commom Fat Man has had to hear a few less fat jokes in his life time just because of the George Foreman/fat people hit hard factor.

[2] he knocked out Michael Moorer to become the Heavyweight Champion of the World at age of 45! I was 14 at the time and watched it all happen in my parent’s basement with Moe Greene riding shotgun… It remains one of the best moments I've ever witnessed in sports.

and [3] the Grill... I mean seriously, have you ever used one of these things?! You can cook ANYTHING on a George Foreman grill and it comes out perfect. It's virtually impossible to fuck up a meal on one of these grills... plus they're way easy to clean!

For those reason, George qualifies as a member in the Fat Guy Hall of Fame.

BIG PUN:

Pun waddled onto the scene in the late 90's with the underground hit "Not a Player," and then the mainstream radio remix "Still Not a Player."

His full-length debut- Capital Punishment- followed in 1998, and was the first album by a solo Latino rapper to go platinum.

(I'll plead the fifth on whether or not that short bio was more or less copied and pasted from wikipedia).

Had the story ended there he would be a sure bet for The Fat Guy Hall of Fame... but sadly, that's not how it ended... Once he found some success Pun quickly went from a cute and cuddly 400 lbs to a frightening 700 pounds! Not surprisingly he died of a heart attack soon after, prompting Moe Greene to give me countless lectures on my weight as he scarffed down salty McDonald's fries. So I'm sure that if I had to hear the lectures, then the thousands of other common Fat Guys did too... Gee, thanks Pun... Just what I always wanted, a lecture about my weight...

His widow has also alleged that Pun was occasionally abusive- but since Pun can't really give his side of the story it's hard to pass judgment on that, but still...

So while I will always love Pun, for those two reasons I can't put him in the Fat Guy Hall of Fame...

THE NOTORIOUS B.I.G.:

Off the top of my head I can't think of ANYONE who is more deserving of The Fat Guy Hall of Fame... As far as I'm concerned Biggie gets his own section in the HOF.

In addition to being the greatest rapper of all time (and I will NOT argue about that because it is indisputable) his contributions to the average fat guy went WAY beyond pure music... He actually made it cool to be a fat guy for like a 2-3 year stretch while I was in High School.

He was really really black, really really fat, he was sweaty, AND he had a lazy eye; BUT he somehow managed to nail a bunch of female celebrities and lord only knows how many groupies, strippers, and aspiring rap video "actresses".

He was laid back and easy going but had an infinite amount of street cred… He was bursting with confidence yet he felt no shame in revealing his early life struggles with low self esteem… He went from being a fat kid with glasses who was targeted by bullies, to being perhaps one of the coolest human being to ever walk the earth.

I'm also pretty sure that I can directly credit him for getting me laid at least twice- but that's just a personal theory.

More importantly, he gave confidence to a lot of fat kids out there who are now in their mid to late 20's. And for that he shall forever hold the loftiest of spots in my Fat Guy Hall of Fame!

Now let the nominations roll in!