Since putting in my two weeks notice here, things have been pretty quiet… The boss hasn’t spoken or even made eye contact with me. He’s such a wimp that he had to send someone else to ask me to put a resignation letter in his mail box.
It will be interesting to see how he reacts next Thursday when we all go out for Moe’s birthday lunch… It should go down as one of the Top 10 most uncomfortable meals I’ve ever eaten in my life.
On Tuesday he came in to install a new desk… He clearly hadn’t taken a shower yet that morning. He was wearing a circa 1990 jogging suit. I doubt it was even considered stylish back when he bought it. It may have even been a generic brand, but I couldn’t see who it was made by… The jogging suit in itself is entertaining but that’s only where the story begins.
As he tried to piece together the desk he started to get sweaty. Keep in mind he wasn’t even clean when he started putting the desk together- and now he’s sweating!
“Is anyone else hot in here?” he asked as he walked over to the thermostat… It was borderline chilly in the office already and he was about to make it colder. I thought about stabbing him with a pen… “right below the ear. I wouldn’t kill him, just maim him. I could probably scare him into not calling the cops- and I wouldn’t have to come into work next week. If he touches the thermostat I swear to…”
Luckily for him the worthless Office Manager stopped him and explained that he was hot because he was doing physical labor. “Just take off your jacket,” she explained to him as if he was 6 years old.
His face turned red. “Well… I uh… didn’t wear anything underneath the jacket,” he explained.
Everyone pretended not to hear him say that… “I can’t believe this idiot signs my paycheck,” had to be going through everyone’s mind- I know it was going through mine.
At this point I thought he was going to go home and change clothes (since he lives 15 minutes away)… but that’s not what he did.
He started to pull the zipper on his jacket down. It got halfway down his chest… he paused for a moment, I guess to contemplate whether or not it would be socially acceptable for him to expose his nasty old man chest in this office environment… Strangely enough (but perhaps not surprising when you consider the source) he decided that it was in fact okay and pulled the zipper down the whole way!
His sweaty gray chest hair was exposed… A tacky gold chain dangled in the hair. His skin was red and leathery- too much time spent passed out drunk at the beach- a permanent and un-healthy sunburn. It took every ounce of strength in my body to keep from dry heaving.
Not even the double takes, shocked, and disgusted looks of our policy holders gave him any hint that this was inappropriate…
Thankfully, about halfway through setting up the desk he realized that one of the necessary parts was left out of the package (or packeeege- as he pronounces it)…
So he had to call halt to his project. Thankfully.
I can’t wait to be done with this place.
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Farting in the Shower is a ramblingand ecclectic mix of short stories, embarrasing confessions, pictures, and fast food reviews.
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11 comments:
Stabbing him with the pen may have been kind. What a plonker your boss is.
As my daugher says, " He is lame!" Here I am laughing and gaggin at the thought. Great stories guy!!!
eeeewwwwww. seriously. you are not going to find material like this at your new job!!!
hahahahahahahaha
hehehehehehehehe
that was too damn funny....and scary. how could he think it was okay? were women present too?
eek!
you know you are out of shape if putting a desk together makes u break out into a sweat.
gold chain? hairy chest? sweaty and pasty? eeek.
gross
totally gross!!! dude i would be counting the days as well!!!
Oh thats just N-A-S-T-Y!!!!!!
white rose boy- I'm not sure what the exact definition of a plonker is, but I'm pretty sure he is one.
Santiago- He's not only lame- but slimy... In every sense of the word.
jennifer- yeah I might not get that kind of material... but there will be material.
dr. v- yes sadly, there were women present.
angelcakes- he would definitley leer down your top- of course I probably would too, but in a more discret manner... I hope.
chancla- he had the whole whole sleeze package working that day. it was like the prefect storm.
regina- yep
sonrisa- I can't wait!
When I thought about the image you had painted of your boss, I threw up a little in my mouth ......
So when is your last day? I hope soon!!!!!!!! That away you dont have to look at that nastiness anymore!
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