But, before I get into that, let me tell you a little love story that wasn’t so romantic, or even that funny (at the time). It happened at my office, yesterday.
Moe Green was getting ready to take his lunch break, our receptionist was already on her lunch break- our manager has been out sick for several weeks, and the boss is just never here… so that means I was about to be alone… Then, as Moe is getting ready to leave, in walks one of our scarier clients.
As a rule, people generally don’t mess with me. I’m a big guy, I have a shaved head, people assume I’m an angry person and don’t give me trouble.
Anytime someone gets threatening, usually all I have to do is shoot a look in their direction and that ends it.
Not many people scare me… this guy scares me.
He’s not physically imposing at all... He’s 60 years old, he limps, and just looks as though life has really kicked his ass.
He has piercing black eyes, and the words “Hope Lost” are tattooed across his knuckles.
He’s also usually drunk... If I had to describe his over all "look," I'd say- serial killer. (I'm 80%sure he's got a half-dozen hookers burried in the crawl space of his house.)
Anyway, he sat down at my desk and pulled out a plastic shopping bag full of papers.
Aparently he had not been able to have a drink yet because he had a very bad case of the shakes. He was also stuttering and slurring his words. Needless to say, I was creeped out.
I looked up to see if I could catch Moe Green’s attention and signal him not to leave me alone with this guy, but it was too late… Moe walked out the door.
'Creepy Serial Killer Guy' started explaning about needing to show me a paper he got from the DMV, but his hands were shaking so much he couldn't manage to pull the paper out of the bag.
Finally I reached into the bag for him.
I was a little afraid that I'd find a severed hand or somethign like that in the bag, but all I found was the DMV letter... I knew what the letter meant and how to handle it. I assured the guy that I’d take care of the problem for him. It was all under control. That was his cue to leave.
He didn’t leave.
I could see saliva building up at the corner of his lip and threaten to start dripping down.
“Why isn’t he leaving?!” I thought to myself.
Just as I was about to give him a stronger signal that our little meeting was over, he looked me dead in my eyes and said this:
“Man… You have the most gorgeous set of blue eyes I’ve ever seen.”
Damn it Moe! How could you leave me alone with this guy!?
“Thanks…” was all I could manage to reply to his creepy compliment.
Finally, thankfully, the phone rang and I had to answer it. Then line two, and finally line three began ringing as well.
“I’ll let you take care of that friend… I’ll catch you later,” Creepy Serial Killer Guy said as he mercifully left the office... It took all my strength not to do one of those throw-up in my mouth things...
Hope Lost, Love Hurts
And NOW, it’s on to FILM VAULT TUESDAY!
Title: Fools Rush In (1997)Credits: Salma Hayek, Matthew Perry
Why: I caught this movie on HBO at 4 in the morning around 1998... Let’s just say I was in an “altered” state of mind. I had no idea who Salma Hayek was at the time, and I hated Matthew Perry. But I fell in love with this movie anyway.
It’s full of corny stereotypes and predictable plot twists. Perry plays the same character as he played on "Friends", and most of the jokes were only funny because I was um- “altered.”
But it had (and still has) something... Between chemistry of the two main characters (and Salma’s breathtaking beauty) this movie somehow manages to breakthrough the cookie cutter romantic comedy mold that was so prevalent in the late 90’s.
Like I said before, most of the jokes aren’t really that funny... but some of the subtle and understated lines that Perry throws out make me laugh out loud to this day.
*note… I’ve used this movie on dates 3 times and well, let's just say I’m 3 for 3. (Granted, when a girl comes to your apartment to watch a movie and let you cook for her, your chances were pretty damn good regardless of the movie, but whatever.)
Remote Stopper Scene: I can’t turn the channel until I’ve seen the part where Salma’s father pulls up to Matthew Perry’s job site with a baseball bat and says, “Jew are not a man… Jew are a thief dat’s what jew are!”
Goosebump/Tear Factor: “You are everything, I never knew, I always wanted!”- it gets me every time… also, I love when the end credits role and the Elvis version of "Only Fools Rush In," comes on. One of my all-time favorite songs.
Overall: Just because of the fact that it was so predictable and had so many bad jokes I can’t go any higher than a 7.
But regardless of the rating, it’s one of the most well worn DVD’s I have in my collection… and not just because it’s served me so well on dates.
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12 comments:
Don't hate-to-love movies that just reel you in? I think, Joel, I got you beat on this one. I actually saw this in the theater, meaning I paid to see Salma Hayek (I knew who she was at the time) and I hated Matthew Perry...and I still paid a ticket to go see it, and I wasn't even "altered" or "tanked" or nada. I went to see it. I came out liking it. :)
dude, i must see you eyes now!! you got hit on by a scary dude??!!? that is just too funny.
I'm not a fan of this movie. i knew who selma was back then but i still waited for it to come on t.v...didn't even rented it. i was dissappointed that she actually accepted the script, but hey you gotta start somewhere, right?
I liked this movie the first three times you forced it down my throat. Now that I've seen it 312 times on TNT, I'm downright sick of it.
As for the "prettiest blue eyes" moment, I feel bad for leaving, but all I could think about was, "I've got three kids at home. There's no chance I'm letting this guy store me with the hookers and hitchhikers in his basement." I think I made the right decision...
I <3 that movie . . you're like my long lost brother, dude, i'm a MOVIE FANATIC!
I of course, went to see it at the movie theater AND i have the VHS, and now DVD. . .:D
Can i just say you had me LMAO with what happened to you at work! Lets just hope he doesnt start calling you baby blue!
Decent call on the movie. Salma is absolutely perfect. I think I'd have to go with either "When Harry Met Sally" or even "High Fidelity" ... although "High Fidelity" might not be quite the romantic movie
marie- I'll have you know that weirdness doesn't only happen to me... I've only been overtly hit on by a guy twice... Moe Green gets hit on by creepy guys all the time! He's even got one russian guy who wears green windbreaker pants, a red jacket and blue tennis shoes, and he comes in EVERY saturday to ask dumb questions and flirt with a clearly terrified Moe.
emc- wow, you do have me beat... although, had I known that the movie exsited I might have gone to see it in the theater. I went through a whole depressing Romantic-Comedy phase for like a year back in the late 90s.
sonrisa- my eyes are pretty damn remarkable... overall I'd have to say I'm one of the best looking really fat guys out there... In fact I just spent like 5 minutes thinking of fat guys and I'm like top 3.
I'm up there with like, George Foreman and Fat Joe... I'm way hotter than Drew Caarey, I know that.
moe- you're probably right, but I just want you to acknowledge that you knew what you were leaving me with.
cad- you've got me beat if you own it on VHS as well... if that guy starts coming in or calling in and asking for "baby blue" I'm going to change my name and move to Wyoming.
cincy- High Fidelity is probably in my Top 20 movies, it's way higher than Fools Rush In, but like you were saying, it's really not that romantic... I never really got into When Harry Met Sally b/c of my hatred for all things Billy Crystal... I know it's good, I just can't bring myself to finish it.
Let's hear it for interracial relationships!
lmao. sounds like a creepy man, and the compliment? mmmm,,,yeah creepy!
I love "fools rush in" with Selma. She is breathtaking to watch in anything! The Mexican father acutally reminds me of my dad a little lmao.yikes!!
DC...you must be stunning to be able to get hit on by a 60 yr old dude. Good Lord!!! lol.
The movie was ok. Although you are right Salma Hayek is in it and is the only reason I rented this one. I waited for it on DVD and actually a couple of years after. It was okay. I will watch it again if it comes out on tv.
hilarious. wow. you can even win over crazy men with your baby blues. that's awesome. ;)
+++
as the movie, my chicana girlfriends all hate it. they think it's got too many stereotypes.
it was funny, though, because once we started talking about it, everyone started confessing:
my mother-in-law has a life-sized crucifix in her house.
the walls in my tíá's house are painted crazy colors
i have an enormous family like that, too.
scary brothers.
we laughed that some of those stereotypes turned out to be true! it's just that you don't usually find all of htat stuff in one single family.
i kind of liked the movie.
marie- Moe's Russian guy came in today, I thought about your idea but there was no subtle way of taking his picture... he was wearing an orange jacket and as always, had his red shoes on... he always has on "trendy" clothes but they have outrageous colors that never match... My guy is much scarier but I only have to deal with him like every 3 months... Moe's guy is a weekly thing, sometimes more, so he's got it worse.
regina- I'm a fan of interratial relations!
normies- remind me to never piss off your father then!
santiago- yeah, i think if you take Salma out and replace her with any other woman, it's not even a watchable movie.
jennifer- yeah the stereotypes are SO predictable... on both sides, they even make the white people all stuck up and cold. They tried to offend everyone they could... and it somehow turned out okay anyway... in my opinion at least.
julissa- you're right, footloose is a classic as far as unintentional comedy goes.
hey, old blue eyes, i tried commenting on tuesday but your comments wouldn't let me in. :( i have since forgotten what i was originally going to post. :( but i own the movie on dvd and i am not ashamed to say that i like it.
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