So everyone is putting up their New Year’s Resolution posts… some people are even writing out whole lists of things they want to change or improve. I however, have nothing to show.I know what my resolution should be… lose weight. But seeing as I just got done washing a 20 piece McNugget meal down with a bucket of Coke, it’s probably not a realistic goal.
So I’ve decided to come up with some realistic goals for things I can improve on in 2006.
- Stop buying so many Sports Jerseys… seriously I only wear one like once a month, maybe… Yet I own close to 20 of them. Half of them I won’t even wear because they cost so much, which makes NO sense… I just spent $150 on a Jersey that I’ll never wear. I’ll just hang it in the closet and admire it once a week.
- Stay away from Ebay!?!? This kind of ties into the above mentioned Jersey resolution…
- Put more effort into my blog posts. (um… starting with my next post of course)
- Knock my wife up. - Self explanatory.
- Improve at replacing the old toilet paper roll… right now, when I finish off the TP roll at my house I’d say the odds of me actually replacing it with a new roll is about 1 in 4.
Don’t get me wrong, I do get out a new roll... It's just that I usually lay it on the sink counter instead of putting it on the plastic tube thingy.
So if I could jump from ¼ odds to ¾, I’d be in good shape.
- Quit breaking cell phones when I’m angry. (unless my boss is reading this because my cell phone certainly did not break due to any actions of my own… Really, I have no idea why the ear piece on my phone stopped working… Seriously, it just mysteriously stopped working. If anything is to blame for the problem it’s the poor craftsmanship at Motorolla.)
- And finally, here is my semi-bold resolution… I think all of my other ones are (for the most part) obtainable and safe, and that’s just boring so instead of just saying “Lose Weight” which is bound to back fire on me, I’ll say this: No more soda, and no more McDonalds Dollar meal… I think that’s what kills me in the weight department. It’s so easy to order your meal (with a coke) and then say, “can you add on a double cheeseburger?”
It’s only a dollar and I always inevitably feel full and have to force myself to take down those last few bites anyway, so NO MORE!
We will no longer be doing business Mr. Dollar Menu... Yes we’ve had a good run, but it’s time to say goodbye… It’s not you, it’s me… You have so much to offer... The McChicken Sandwich, the four piece McNugget… Even the mini-yogurt parfait thingy… and of course how could I leave out that sexy item that caught my eye in the first place- yes the Double-Cheeseburger! the way the cheese melts over the side of the meat patty; the diced little onions mixed with a dab of ketchup... and the pickle slice, oh the pickle slice! Even though I know it’s taken a good half decade off my life I still have to say this: I’ll miss you Double-Cheeseburger… Deeply.
Maybe no soda and no Dollar Menu doesn’t sound that big to you?
Maybe no soda and no Dollar Menu doesn’t sound that big to you?
Well I’ll just say this: My friend Moe Green is possibly a bigger McDonald's addict than I am and then he saw that documentary “Super Size Me.” (The one where the guy ate nothing but McDonald’s for like a month, and it almost killed him… literally)
Anyway, after seeing this movie Moe was able to kick McDonald’s for like 6 months. He suggested I see it… So I did.
My immediate reaction to seeing the movie was- “God damn, seeing him eat all that McDonald’s gives me a craving for a Double-Quarter Pounder with Cheese!” I wasn’t joking.
So yes, it is a fairly substantial resolution on my part.
And that’s it. That’s my resolution list… I know myself, and I’m just not capable of following through on any big resolutions. I figure if I can’t pull off anything major, the least I can to do is compensate with a volume of minor resolutions… Doesn’t 7 minor resolutions add up to at least one big one? Shouldn’t following through on all that stuff improve me as a human bieng by like 5-6 percent? I think it does.
And if I continue to improve by 5% every year, for 20 years, I would have improved by like 100 percent! at least.
And I’m not that bad of a person right now… So me, improved by 100%, that would make me like Gandhi status... Right?
Anyway, after seeing this movie Moe was able to kick McDonald’s for like 6 months. He suggested I see it… So I did.
My immediate reaction to seeing the movie was- “God damn, seeing him eat all that McDonald’s gives me a craving for a Double-Quarter Pounder with Cheese!” I wasn’t joking.
So yes, it is a fairly substantial resolution on my part.
And that’s it. That’s my resolution list… I know myself, and I’m just not capable of following through on any big resolutions. I figure if I can’t pull off anything major, the least I can to do is compensate with a volume of minor resolutions… Doesn’t 7 minor resolutions add up to at least one big one? Shouldn’t following through on all that stuff improve me as a human bieng by like 5-6 percent? I think it does.
And if I continue to improve by 5% every year, for 20 years, I would have improved by like 100 percent! at least.
And I’m not that bad of a person right now… So me, improved by 100%, that would make me like Gandhi status... Right?
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12 comments:
hilarious. thanks for making me laugh today. :)
An EXCELLENT plan. Well done! We should all make resolutions like this. I believe "the most lasting change is the most gradual." The improvement of my eating habits has been a four-steps-forward-three steps back process that has taken the last 12 years. But I haven't give up. Yay, Me!
speaking of the toilet paper in my bathroom there is like 5 different rolls of toilet paper all in different spots but none of them where they are supposed to be.
As for the jerseys...it's a guy thing. Girls love shoes, makeup..everything I guess and guys are obsessed with jerseys. Thinking of jerseys I think I might have to sell my Charles Woodson jersey pretty soon on eBay since he wont be with the Raiders anymore. Sucks I know.
jennifer- glad I could do that.
regina- well at least I'm not the only one going through it.
marie- you're back! great to see you're blogging again, can't wait to read your post.
gustavo- ugh, that's the worst when a player leaves the team and you have his jersey... thats why i've been going for throw back jersey's... they cost more, but in the long run it's actually cheaper b/c you wont have to replace it. these are retired players so it's not like they can be traded or sign somewhere else... at least that's how I justify the purchase to myself. but of course, I won't be buying anymore jersey's anytime soon.
moe, we'll still be going to McD's an ungodly amount of times per week, i just won't be partaking in any dollar menu purchases and I'll replace coke with orange HiC.
thanks for the laugh. it sounds like an attainable goal too. no more dollar menu. i think that works. now if we can only find the addictive additive that they add to their fries and I think we will all be in good shape.
i prefer wendy's to mcd's. thank god those are harder to come by. and since choking on that onion i've been afraid to return to burger king. although, i did succumb to the dollar menu this morning. i think your resolution is obtainable. and as far as tp goes. why do men do that? what's so hard about getting it on the plastic paperholder thingy? suerte joel.
Santiago- I think I know what the fries secret aditive is... it's called "crack."
CC- When I was in middle school, the teachers had fake money that they would give out if you did a good job. At the end of the year we'd have a big fair where you could buy crap with the fake money... anyway, I was always getting in trouble. I even had to carry around this big blue "behavior card" and the teachers had to write a score on the card for how I behaved that day, and then my mom would have to sign the card... everyday.
At the end of the week I would get a bunch of the fake money if I didn't get kicked out of class and sent to the office.
So by the end of the year me and all the bad kids had more money than the good kids... we got rewarded for doing what we were supposed to be doing in the first place... it's the same thing with men.
If I replaced the TP, put my dirty clothes in the hamper, made the bed, and put my dirty dishes in the sink everyday, then you would freak out the one day I didn't do it... but if I "forget" to do it most days, and then decide to do it once, I get rewarded... I'm like a hero because I did something I should have been doing anyway.
this is too funny!!! i've missed reading your posts!!! i personally never ever do new year's resolutions not because i can't keep them but because i believe resolutions should be an on going thing...bueno eso digo yo.
E-bay is addictive and junk food. Replace these addictions with sangria;)
Good resolutions! The McD's thing is hard, especially for me. I love that damn dollar menu!
I think that you have set some great goals for yourself...I have a few that I have set also.
1. Loose weight--So I joined a aerobics class at the YMCA on Monday nights....This Monday was my first class and that lady kicked my ass! HAHA! I plan to return next week....
2. Cut out all junk food/fast food--I had my last "good" meal on Sunday...Went to Mama Lucias--My favorite place in Frederick to eat...I had pasta and bread..Yummmy! So now..I started yesterday...I had yogurt, and salad, and tuna.....OMG....How am I ever going to get thru this....No big old juicy steak, no more mashed potatoes, no more....
3. Get knocked up--LOL...Funny we have the same thing listed huh? Seriously..I want to loose some and then go get knocked up...Hopfully be pregnant by May/June/July. Thats what I am shooting for...Well see...
4. Move up in my job or move out of my job-self explanatory...Yup..movin on up..or movin on out!
I know you can do it........Just as everyone has told me that I can do it! Well see next year I guess..... ;)
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