The Most Powerful Man on the East Coast

Before I came to work in the Insurance industry, I worked in Environmental Science... It's really a broad field and trying to explain what my job actually entailed could take more time than I care to spend on it... So I'll just do my best to summarize.

Basically my job was to supervise the removal of hazardous waste from buildings. Stuff like asbestos, lead paint, mold, etc. I would show up on the job, hang out, make sure the removals were done safely and legally. After the materials were removed I would DO an inspection and then collect air samples that I would later analyze... then I'd either say that the building was safe, or needed to be cleaned some more.

I did a lot of other things as well, but for the most part that was it... I worked in that field from the time I was 20 until just a few months ago. I loved the job, and to be honest, I have no idea why I ever quit... It may sound boring, but it wasn't.

I got to do and see so many things in my 5 years in the field. I have worked in the White House, The Old Executive Office Building, The Department of Justice, The Elephant House at The National Zoo, and all of the Senate and House Office Buildings.

During 9-11 I was called to work in the crash site at the Pentagon for 3 months... I'm also one of a small handful of people who have seen EVERY room in the Capital Building. I feel pretty lucky to have been all those places.

But the most amazing job I ever did was not at The White House, or a Senator's Office or anything like that. The most exciting thing I got to do at my old job involved the 3 or 4 hour period when I was arguably the most powerful man on the East Coast!

I don't know if I'm even allowed to tell this story or not, but seeing as only have about 20 readers, I feel that my secret will be safe.

To keep things somewhat anonymous, I'll be vague on the dates... Let's just say it was the Friday before a 3 day vacation that a lot of people travel on.

I had worked 20 hours the day before and I was supposed to have off... But sure enough, at around 9 AM my Nextel was hit with an Alert... The beeping wouldn't stop until I got out of bed to respond.

It was my supervisor... He had just gotten a call from Union Station, Washington's famous train station. It seems they were having an "Environmental Emergency."

I was not happy about being woken from my sleep and I made that clear... "If you want, I'll call them back and tell them we can't help... I just thought since you live like 5 minutes away that you might be able to get over there," my supervisor sarcastically replied.

His message was pretty clear, this was not an optional thing. He gave me a phone number to call and explained that it was the direct line into the "Station Master's" office.

The Station Master is the guy who runs the whole show. The guy in charge of basically everything at Union Station, and I had the number to the phone on his desk.

"This might be interesting," I thought to myself.

"Don't give anyone the number," my supervisor explained.

"No shit," I thought to myself as I hung up with him and dialed the number.

Sure enough, the Station Master answered. I explained who I was, and he sounded very glad to hear my voice.

"How soon can you get here?"

"15 to 20 minutes..."

"When you get here, go to Gate A and call this number... We can't afford a panic so dress like you're traveling and don't talk to anyone... Can you wear a hat?"

This was getting more bizarre by the minute. I paused for a moment and thought about the possibility that I might be the victim of an elaborate hoax set up by my co-workers.

"... ah yeah, I'll be wearing a green and white Boston Celtics hat," I managed to respond.

"Okay, see you soon," the voice on the other end of the line replied.

I dressed as quickly as I could and threw my equipment into a large travel bag. I had to leave my microscope at home because the case was too big not to be noticed.

The thing you have to understand about this job I had, is that I was accustomed to being somewhat secretive about my work... When hazardous materials are removed from a building it happens at night and only the people who need to know are aware of what's going on.

Things are done safely and legally, but as quiet as possible because people tend to panic when they hear words like "Asbestos."

But even for me, this case was a little extreme. "I'll meet you by Gate A"... "Dress like a traveler"... "Wear a hat"... It all sounded like something out of Tom Clancy novel.

I pulled into the parking deck and found a spot on the top floor. I grabbed my bag and hoped on an escalator. As I rode down through the levels of the parking deck it felt like I was in a movie. Between the lack of sleep and clandestine meeting, it all felt pretty surreal.

Who would play me if this were a movie? Chris Farley's dead. Horatio Sanz is a no talent. Tom Arnold is too old... Fuck it, I'd have to play myself.

I was pretty familiar with Union Station. I had spent the previous month on a job at the Dirksen Senate Office Building... since the parking is so limited there, I would park at Union Station and just walk the 3 or 4 blocks to the job.

On days when we had finished up early I'd find a seat in the lobby of Union Station and watch the thousands of people flood in and out of our Nation's Capital.

Tourists, pan handlers, business men, hookers, thieves... It was all here, and I loved to soak it all in... Unnoticed, a fly on the wall... I had spent a lot of time in Union Station.

I had no trouble finding Gate A. I pulled out my phone and called that secret number. "I'm here. I'm right next to Sabarro's, leaning up against a wall right by the Gate..."

"I'll be there in 5 minutes."

As I stood there waiting, I wondered what the "emergency" could be.

I had half expected to walk into a lobby full of screaming tourists running away from a pile of crumbled Asbestos ceiling plaster.

But there was no mess, nobody in white suits and respirators, nothing that jumped out at me.

"Are you Joel?"

I turned around and was met by the "Station Master." He was wearing khaki's and a polo shirt.

He was just a guy, nothing about him screamed out "I'm important," but he was. I could tell by the stress on his face that he probably wished he wasn't.

He led me through the Gate and towards a group of trains that were loading passengers.

As we walked I spoke up, "What exactly is-"

But before I could get the words out he replied, "I'll tell you in a minute once we get further away from all these people."

He led me past the crowd of people boarding the trains and down a concrete walkway.

"Over there," he said pointed down the path and into the distance. There was a brown building about 100 yards away, right in the middle of everything. The path was about as wide as a one lane country road and it had about a half dozen train tracks on each side.

We started down the walkway. I wondered what would happen if I fell. Which rail is it that's electrofied?

Finally we arrived at the building.

"Okay," the Station Master began, "Here is the situation... This is the control tower," he was reaching for the door handle... he paused before opening the door.

"This is where everything happens. The guys that work here are like Air Traffic Controllers, only with trains..."

At some point, long ago, there had been asbestos in the building. But it was long gone.

Earlier today a small piece of the ceiling fell onto the floor.

For whatever reason the Control guys were positive that it was asbestos, and they were threatening to walk out.

If that happened, then basically all the trains on the East Coast would be shut down... They were allegedly leaning towards the walk out.

"So you can see why this is an emergency?" the station master asked as we stepped into the building.

I was about to learn that the Control Tower guys were Union member. They had a deep hatred and mistrust for AMTRAC- ecspecially for management.

As soon as we stepped into the room, there was high tension. It felt like I had been brought into the middle of some bitter battle between estranged spouses.

Within minutes the name calling began and acusations were flying around the room.

As the Station Master and the Control Guys argued, I just sat there and took in the sight.

There were flashing lights everywhere and an elaborate electronic map on the wall.

Every 10 or 15 seconds one of the guys would have to leave the argument momentarily to give directions to what I assumed to be the guys operating the trains.

I couldn't tell if they were controlling trains at Union Station, or Trains all over. There seemed to be too many lights flashing and people talking for it to be just a few trains here in DC, but I'm no expert.

What I was an expert on is hazardous materials, so as the argument went on I took it opun myslef to inspect the "dangerous" material that was still lying on the floor.

Without a laboratory analysis I couldn't be 100% sure, but I was as close to positive as I could be that this was just ordinary ceiling plaster.

I tried to explain this to the angry group, but they weren't buying it. I was immediately peppered with questions and looks of disbelief. I was just the Station Master's "puppet" and "not to be trusted."

"You're not the one at risk!" one of the men shouted at me.

That was all I could take, and I exploded. "Look genius... I'm holding the 'asbestos' in my hand. Do you think I'd be doing that if it was dangerous!?!"

The room went quiet. I had made my point.

In the end we decided that I would just collect some air samples, which took about 2 hours.

The Control guys even had the nerve to complain about the noise that my air pumps made while the samples were collected... (A humming sounds that tends to fade to the background after about 5 minutes.)

After I had collected the samples it was time to head back to my house and analyze them.

As I walked through Union Station and back to the parking deck I watched all the hurried travelers. They all passed me by without notice.

None of them realized that I held their travel plans in the palm of my hand... The fat guy with his hat turned backwards, baggy jeans and Timberland boots had the power to shut down the entire East Coast train system, indefinitely... which would in turn effect the entire travel schedule at the airports and on the roads.

I could make CNN headlines with one phone call.

I had never, and probably will never again wield so much power in my life. Even if it was for only a few hours.

Of course I still had to pay the $12 to get out of the parking garage... so that brought me back to reality a little bit.

But it didn't stop me from yelling "I could shut this whole place down!" out my window at the guy sweeping the sidewalk in front of the garage. I was sloppy drunk with power.

I took my time driving home, savoring the fact that people were nervously awaiting my phone call.

Once home it took me only a half hour to analyze the samples... I filled out the paper work, picked up the phone and I dialed the direct line to the Station Master.

I imagine him nervously pacing in his office and then lunging for the phone on the first ring. And of course it's always a red phone in my head... red with a flashing light.

When he answered the phone I acted like I was still reading the last sample... "Yeah, I'm reading the last sample right now [pause] and... [longer more dramatic pause] yeah, it looks like everything is clean. Where do you want me to fax the results?"

And that was it... That was the end of my rein as the most powerful man on the East Coast. It was a good run, but all things must come to an end.