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Wednesday, November 30, 2005

ANGRY XMAS RANT

Up until about a week ago, the radio that plays in our office was set to a generic soft rock station.

From the minute we get here in the morning until the minute we lock the doors to leave, I have to listen to mellow "rock", and commercials for furniture stores... you don't have to know the name of the station to know their M.O.

They play the least controversial, least offensive music possible... Stuff that nobody really likes, but everyone seems to tolerate. And the play list never seems to change.

The same old boring songs get played at least twice a day, and what few decent songs they do have get played so often that you want to bang your head on your desk as soon as you hear the intro...I love Lionel Ritchie just as much as the next guy, but it doesn't mean I want to hear "All Night Long" 10 times a week.

And it' not jut the music that sucks, the people that work their suck as well!

There's the over friendly traffic/weather girl, and of course the prerequisite bland morning guy and all his corny jokes. They're all there.

It makes the days blend together in a "Groundhog Day" kind of way.

I find myself having this conversation every day:

Wait a second, are we supposed to call in to win a prize when they play "You're So Vain", or "Hotel California"?

Or maybe it's supposed to be during that crappy Rod Stewart song? No, not that one, the other crappy Rod Stewart song.

Shit, you're right that was Tuesday's song!?! Wait a second isn't today Tuesday?

Maybe it's a Phil Collins song then?

Oh well... Fuck it, I don't know either.

It's enough to make you want to walk into traffic with a blindfold on...

...Which is why it may come as a surprise when I say this: I miss those days of Rod Stewart, Phil Collins and Abba.

That's right... Things have gone from bad to worse. Our generic radio station has of course switched to 'round the clock Christmas music for the holidays! Now I see what real misery is all about.

Real misery is hearing 6 different versions of "Frosty the Snowman" played twice a day, everyday, for a week! I'm ready to put a pistol in my mouth, and the scary part is- this only the FIRST week... they've got like 3 and half more weeks of this to go!

Seriously, there is like a 10-15% chance that I end this Holiday season alone in a North Dakota cabin fixing up some explosive mail.

And just for the record, here is how I feel about Christmas music... No!

We've got more than enough already. It's all been done, over and over again. We don't need another version of "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree", or "Silent Night", or any other sappy Holiday song.

And I don't want any original Christmas songs either! The cover songs are bad, but the original stuff is even worse. I don't care if your name is Paul McCartney... If you're "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time," keep it to yourself.

The only original Holiday song that's acceptable is Adam Sandler's "The Chanukah Song"... but Key 103.1 won't play that, and do you know why? It's because they HATE Jews! That's right, their program director told me that. <-- (okay, that last part's not true, I just wanted to make sure you're still paying attention).

As far as Christmas music goes, If you're a musician and you're out on tour during the Holiday's, I guess it's acceptable to play an Xmas song at your concert. But then and only then!

I've always felt strongly about this... I don't know, maybe I'm a little more bitter about it this year because of my work situation. There is just something very taunting about hearing cheerful Holiday music while you're having terrible day after terrible day.

(But you know what, I do have to admit that the Charlie Brown Christmas theme music is kind of growing on me... of course they'll be playing it 3 times a day from now until the 25th so I'll probably end up hating poor Charlie Brown by the time all is said and done.)

7 comments:

sonrisa morena said...

are we a little bitter dcn? your post made me laugh. I've always disliked christmas music too. my sister gets a new christmas cd every year. i tell her that she is just wasting her money because it's the same crap just with a different beat!! yeah i don't like these holidays!! i really don't!!! the older i get the less i appreciate christmas. i however do enjoy my nieces and nephews opening up their gifts. i love their expressions when they get something they've been wanting...i don't think that we should really emphasize on the gift giving but that's a whole other story...

La Madre said...

lol, i really did giggle aloud.
man, you should call into win though...i've won from those things...though it has been over a decade.

Vanessa said...

My comment is in defense of Paul McCartney "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time", which is so bad, it's good! The bells, the repetition, the weirdish synthasizer sounds that aren't very Christmas-y--just the perk I need while battling rabid shopping crowds at the mall.

Now the song that makes me want to go on a rampage is Madonna's "Santa Baby." Yuck, gag, blah!!!!!

Santiago said...

Here is a funny story. I was about 15 and I was working. I know, I know how does a 15 year have a job. Right after school,I would drive over to Wag's Restaurant. I would listen to U2 or Pearl Jam. Once I got there, I was subjected to all the damn X-mas music in the world. I think we must have been listening to the same station. I mean I was in the back washing dishes and busing tables, there was X-mas music. I was in the restroom doing my business and all I can remember hearing was Jingle Bell Rock. It drove me crazy. Ever since then I have hated X-mas music. So...I feel your pain. I feel your pain.

Joel said...

Sonrisa- yeah the older I get the less I care, I remember when I was little and I used to wake up really early in the morning and i never understood why everyone wasnt as excited as me, now i'm like "please just let me sleep 15 more minutes!"

Cindylu- I think the sacrafice of the church songs for christmas in Mexico is worth it... but I can see why you would miss it.

EM- Everyday I say "this is the day I'm going to call in and win"... but since the play list is the same EVERY DAY it's hard to remember what song to call in for, and then when you do i remember it, I don't realize that the song played until it's over.

Vanessa- "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas" does have some great unintentional comedy factors in, like those synthasizer sounds... I've never had to hear the Madonna song, thank god.

Santiago- The memory of wahing dishes would certainly taint XMas music for me, i mean, if it wasnt already tainted.

Julissa- I guess some of the songs would be okay, but I'm hearing it for 9 straight hours everyday of the week is just waaay too much... Thank god it didn't start before Thanksgiving, my heart goes out to everyone in Detroit who was stuck listening to that crap a full week before it started here. They must be on the brink of insanity at this point.

under the red sky said...

I think the worse part is listening to the stuff so much that you catch yourself singing it...

jennifer said...

when i used to work retail, they would play the same awful CD over and over all day. (i guess the corporate office would put out a new CD every month???) as a shopper, i never really thought about it because when you're shopping, you're only ever in a store for a while. but one four hour shift was enough to make me want to start throwing clothes all over the floor.

i think that thewizone has a good idea. get some headphones and plug them into your computer. that's the best way to ensure your sanity, especially through the holidays!