FILM VAULT TUESDAY

I'm taking a break from Film Vault Tuesday this week... I spent all day with my wife going from Doctors office to Doctors office only to end up right where I wanted to go in the first place: The Emergency Room... It took them 8 hours and many unnecessary tests for them to figure out what the very first doctor said, "She needs to see a specialist..."

The specialist needs a referral from the Primary "Care" Doctor, but the Primary "Care" Doctor won't give us said referral until he sees her first... but of course he's all booked up.

We've never actually gotten to see the Primary "Care" Doctor because he's always booked up. Like yesterday for example, when my wife is on the floor weeping from the pain, and he is "unavailable."

They sent us to some "Immediate Care" offshoot of the Hospital which turned out to be not so immediate... all because he's unavailable... it doesn't matter of course that my wife has a kidney stone the size of Rhode Island lodged in her bladder... He still can't see her today and won't write the referral until he sees her... he's just THAT busy... Of course if you call his office and ask if he's accepting new patients, "Of course," is the response you get.

So thank you for taking the "Care" out of "Primary Care Physician."

THAT GUY Car Salesman

Okay, so… The car I drive, or drove I guess I should say is a Blue Honda Element… I know, I know, ugly as hell, but for whatever reason I loved it. It is defiantly the favorite car that I’ve ever owned. But all good things must come to an end, and last night the Honda Element era came to an end.

In my last job I drove A LOT, and therefore put a bunch of miles on my car… 55k in two and half years to be exact. I also got into a little accident with a telephone pole in the Element (I blame the pole- the officer saw it a little different). Can you say negative equity? Not good times, bad times.

So even though I LOVED my Element, it was only a matter of time before the wear and tear caught up with me and I was stuck with a car that wouldn’t run AND was worth negative money… So it was time to buy a car.

Which brings me to my story… If you were going to come up with THE GUY you DON’T want to buy a car from, he would look like this:
-Short
-Round
-Middle Aged
-Not Married
-Red Nose (from years of alcoholism kicking his ass)
-Lisp
-Wearing a faded old “Members Only” jacket with a stain on the sleeve.
-Suffers From Frightening Coughing Fits. (Yet keeps going outside to smoke generic cigarettes)
-Old Worn Khakis
-Old Worn Payless Dress Shoes

Well guess what? I bought a car from THAT guy! No really… I did.

And despite what you would think about that guy, he was pretty okay... and I think I got a good deal.

Based on my many car buying experiences, I have come up with 3 tips for buying a car. (And please don’t confuse me with “Car buying guy who always thinks he got a great deal” because I’m not that guy… I just know how not to get totally screwed over... I think)

Rule 1) Bring my mom with you… My mom is a sweet lady until it comes to making major purchases, than she turns into a venom spitting, fire breathing dragon! I’ve cringed several times during a car buying experience as she got all bitchy with the sales or finance people… but you know what? It works, they give her what she wants.

If you’ve ever seen Pulp Fiction, my mom is “The Wolf”… when it comes to buying a car at least.

*Note- If you can’t bring my mom find an equivalent nice motherly lady who gets scary when she’s pissed off. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY likes to deal with a psycho woman.

Rule 2) Go towards the end of the month… Everyone knows that one. The car sales people have to meet their numbers by the end of the month so they’re much more willing to deal at that point.

Rule 3) Go at night, during the week… Get to the place like an hour before they’re supposed to close and count on being their until very late… get something to eat before you go, wear comfortable shoes, make them understand that you must finish tonight and you’re willing to stay as long as it takes… These people want to go home. They have to work the next day, they DON’T want to be working late. As a result, they’ll cut to the chase and go to that bottom line number a lot quicker.

Now, I know what you’re thinking… Why should I take advice from the guy who just bought a car from THAT GUY car salesman… And you might have a point. But my counter to that is- I managed to get a decent deal despite the fact that I was working with THAT GUY car salesman.

Plus I talked him into giving me a nice deal on some MAGIC BEANS, so what do you know about that!?

OPEN LETTER TO THE AFRICAN GUY WHO KEEPS CALLING MY HOUSE

Dear African,

First and foremost, and with all do respect- FUCKING STOP IT!

I know that sounds a little harsh, but frankly I don’t think that polite is getting the job done.

Because I was polite… when you called twice on Saturday afternoon. Remember?

Sure you do… You were franticly rambling, asking to speak to [Incoherent African Name]. I explained as nicely as I could that there was nobody that resided in my house by the name of [Incoherent African Name], but you had trouble accepting that.

Still can’t remember? Let me refresh it with this brief transcript of our conversation:

ME: HELLO?

YOU: BIEBPW WPFHWFPEN PAHEJWPF OHFEWHOQ?

ME: UM, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU: PLEASE, PLEASE... I MUST SPEAK WITH [INCOHERENT AFRICAN NAME].

ME: YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG NUMBER.

YOU: BUT I’M CALLING FROM NIGERIA!

ME: REGARDLESS OF WHERE YOU'RE CALLING FORM, THE NUMBER IS WRONG. NOBODY LIVES HERE BY THE NAME OF [INCOHERENT AFRICAN NAME].

YOU: IT IS URGENT, I MUST CONGRATULATE HIM. I’M CALLING FROM NIGERIA.

ME: YEAH, I GET THAT YOU WANT TO TALK TO [INCOHERENT AFRICAN NAME], BUT YOU HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER.

Oh, now you remember… I thought that might refresh your memory.

Look, I wouldn’t be so upset had that been the end of your calls but that wasn’t the end, was it Mr. African? That’s right you called 10 minutes later and we had the same conversation all over again.

But you know what, I was even willing to let THAT slide.

That is until Sunday night- well, I guess it was more like Monday morning... that is when you crossed the line.

Yeah, you know what you did... 3 phone calls at 4:30a.m.!?!? Now that’s pretty excessive Mr. African, even for you.

To be honest, the first two 4:30a.m. calls hardly even registered with me… I was asleep and I thought it was a dream. But on that 3rd phone call, the one that my wife answered, that’s when I became aware of your dramatic return into our life.

While I will admit that I was entertained by the two of you attempting to argue in, shall we say "very limited" English, a line was crossed.… Entertaining or not, you just can’t yell at my wife.

So that’s why I took the phone and let loose the 2 minute tirade of curse words you most likely did not understand… And that brings me to my question Mr. African; After my tirade you responded by saying this:

“It’s not my fault, I just need to congratulate [Incoherent African Name]!” and then you angrily hung up.

Well, what the hell were you talking about? How was it NOT your fault? YOU called MY house at 4:30a.m.… I certainly wasn’t calling YOU. And why do you need to congratulate [Incoherent African Name] so bad? What is so urgent about a congratulation? Now if you needed him to send you money, or there was a family emergency of some sort- now that would be urgent... But who ever heard of an urgent congratulation?

But now I'm getting away from my point. The purpose of my letter is this- I have come to a conclusion… Despite all of my anger and confusion I am willing to make the following compromise:

Don’t call anymore and all is forgiven. No apologies necessary. That’s right, don’t call and I won’t curse at you ever again.

Not good enough you say?

Fine, because I’m such a nice guy I’ll throw in this bonus: If I ever run into [Incoherent African Name], I will congratulate him for you.

How does that sound?

Good… Done deal, deal done. No take back’s. I will look forward to a future filled with the absence of your calls.

And in case [Incoherent African Name] is reading this, the African guy who keeps calling my house would like to congratulate you.

Sincerely,
Joel

FILM VAULT TUESDAY (WEEK 3)

Okay, so here’s what I’ve learned over the past week:

[1] According to my poll last week, two of my readers think that I should be castrated because of my cleavage column… But nobody called me the “Anti-Christ” and for that, I’m more than a little disappointed.

[2] Kobe Bryant is REALLY good… I know that sports don’t go over really well on this blog, which is fine, but he scored EIGTHY-ONE POINTS on Sunday… 81! In one game!? That’s like, um, a lot.

And [3] I am very susceptible to advertising… For whatever reason, over the past year or so my area has been hit with commercials for the “Sonic” fast food chain. I have only seen a Sonic twice in my lifetime. Once in Houston, and once in Virginia near my Grandmother’s house.

Now I can’t watch a football game without seeing commercials featuring Sonic’s chili-cheese fries and these weird fruit mix drinks. It's driving me crazy.

Finally, I broke down last night and went to their website… There MUST be a Sonic near by if they’re showing all of these commercials for it, Right?

Wrong. It turns out the closest one to me is the one by my Grandmother’s house, 4 hours away. So what’s with the commercials? Maybe they’re planning to expand to my area or something, who knows… Whatever their plan is, I must give their advertising people props because even though I have NO idea if Sonic has good food, I’m ready to run through a brick wall for some chili-cheese fries, and a Cherry Limeade. But I digress.

And now, onto Film Vault Tuesday:

******************************

Title: La Bamba [1987]

Credits: ‘The’ Lou Diamond Phillips, Esai Morales

Why: I get sucked into this movie time and time again. Everything from the over-the-top acting from “the” Lou Diamond Phillips, to the amazing sound track by Los Lobos.

I can't watch it without falling for Rosie, hating Donna, wanting to hug Esai, and crying at the end. It's a classic.

Don't get me wrong, there are a ton of flaws in this movie (bad acting, a corny script, terrible Hollywood foreshadowing, etc)... My friend Kevin and I even had a name for Lou Diamond Phillips' over the top, super cocky, "do you know how famous I am?" acting chops... We called it "The Lou Diamond Experience." He's in the over-the-top acting Hall of Fame right next to Patrick Swayze.

Now does "The Lou Diamond Experience" take away from the movie? Absolutely not. For some reason, it makes me like it more. Go figure.

And that's not the only flaw that for some reason doesn't bother me... Usually, I hate when a movie changes the facts just to make the plot better… but even though this movie clearly tried to make this movie as perfect and “American Dreamy” as possible, I don’t care.

Frankly, I could find out that the whole movie was a bunch of crap and that Ritchie was a lipsyncer who didn’t even have a brother, and was never a sharecropper… I wouldn’t care.

It doesn’t even bother me that much that Lou Diamond Phillips isn’t Mexican and doesn’t look like the real Ritchie Valens… whatever! My love for this movie is unconditional.

Remote Stopper Scene: I absolutely cannot turn the channel until I see young Ricardo Valenzuela break into the "live" performance of La Bamba… It simply cannot be done. It’s in my Top 20 favorite Movie Scenes of All-Time. Even if you hate this movie, you know you like that part… Just admit it to yourself and you‘ll feel better. Go ahead.

Goosebump/Tear Factor: RITCHIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Overall Rating: * I shouldn’t be allowed to rate this movie. I would give it a very high rating but deep down, I know it’s not that good of a movie… I mean, just because I love it doesn’t mean it was actually good.

It takes me back to childhood when I was an 8 year old Gabachito running around the house in my Scooby Doo underwear trying to sing La Bamba while our confused family dog watched on. I even had a little plastic toy guitar. It didn’t look like Ritchie’s but it got the job done.

I also used to have a poster of "The Lou" with the guitar at his side and the classic “Lou Diamond Experience” look on his face. The best part about the poster is that he's pointing his finger directly at the camera, so it looked like he was pointing at you from any spot in the room.

Everybody had dumb posters on their wall when they were little, so my "Lou" poster wouldn’t be so bad... except for the fact that it was only four years ago when I finally decided to take it down… (It was more for comedy purposes at that point than anything else- nothing is more inspirational than waking up in the morning and seeing ‘The Lou’ pointing at you and then you point right back at him and say “No Lou, it’s you. It’s all you.”)

So, is "La Bamba" corny? Yes… Does the non-Esai Morales acting suck? Absolutely… Can you see la Bamba playing on TV and NOT watch it? I dare you to even try, because it can't be done…

3 Minutes Late

As soon as I got back to the office I was regretting that extra time I took running my errands… I got to my desk and looked across the room to see a Mexican man in his late 30’s being helped by my ultra conservative right wing co-worker (she will be known as RWCW from this point on).

I say the man was Mexican because I saw his car in the parking lot on the way in, Mexican flag hanging from the mirror… But I probably would have figured it out anyway based on the cowboy boots and belt buckle.

The sweatshirt he was wearing bore the name of a local construction company… He flashed a polite smile when I walked into the room. He gave a short wave but didn’t hold eye contact. I could tell he was nervous.

I didn't actually know him, but I knew him… If that makes any sense.

As I sat in my chair and sized up the stack of papers I had waiting for me, I instinctively began listening to my co-worker's conversation with the Mexican man.

His English was a little shaky but he was getting by. Maybe he had come into the office because he saw the “Se Habla Espanol” signs, but started working with her when it became apparent that I wasn’t here… Or perhaps he came in here with no intentions of even speaking Spanish… Who knows?

My rule is always to start with English unless the person either asks for someone who speaks Spanish or just clearly don’t understand English.

In this particular case, even though things would clearly have been faster if I stepped in with Spanish, he was doing okay speaking English with RWCW, so I left it alone… But I kept listening just in case.

Things went fine until RWCW got to the question of Social Security Number… Without boring you with all of the technical details, I’ll summarize how it goes at my company and I suspect most Insurance companies:

You don’t need one.

We’re supposed to ask, but if they don’t have one, no big deal.

In fact, I don’t usually ask at all. For anyone... white, black, brown, American, Columbian, Canadian- nobody. If we don’t really need it, then why do we need it? I always just skip through that part and keep going.

The problem is, if you do enter a Social Security number, it has to be a valid one or the company starts asking questions. In some cases they eventually cancel the policy if they don’t get it straightened out. So it's either leave it blank, or put in a valid SSN.

Now, if you’re an undocumented worker you don't understand all that... You’re already nervous about speaking English to this lady, and if she's asking for it, you'd probably think she needs it, right?

And if you're an undocumented worker that last thing you would do is admit to some stranger that you in fact don't have a Social Security Number.

So what do you do? You make one up… Which is what the Mexican construction worker did.

“Had I just gotten back to the office 3 minutes earlier,” I chastised myself. I would have just skipped through the question and this poor guy would have already been on his way.

RWCW however, was not so forgiving.

“The computer says that’s not a valid number… Do you have your card with you?”

“Umm… No.”

“No! You don’t have your Social Security Card with you? Your supposed to carry it with you, you should have it.”

I could feel the panic in the man’s quivering voice.

RWCW went on to chastise the man for another 30 seconds before finally relenting and saying, "just bring the card in whenever you get a chance so we can make a copy."

The man signed the applications and paid his money in silence, not lifting his eyes off the papers in front of him. Finally everything was done he got up to leave.

“Don’t forget to bring that card in…” RWCW reminded him.

He walked past my desk on his way to the door. He did not make eye contact with me.

“Oye,” I whispered to him. He turned to look at me, surprised by my Spanish greeting.

I explained to him that he didn’t need to bring the card in, and that if he didn’t have a social security number it was no problem. I would just go into the computer and blank out the incorrect number.

He was very relieved and walked out the office with his chin up.

I could feel the burning eyes of RWCW staring me down.

“What did you say to him?” she angrily asked.

“I told him if he didn't feel like coming into the office to make payments that we accept payments by phone or mail.”

She knew I was lying.

“It doesn’t bother you that all these people come in here with out Social Security Numbers?” she asked in a harsh tone.

“It’s none of my business,” I replied as I turned back to my computer and pretended to be busy at work. Anything to close the book on the subject.

My heart was racing… So I can’t even imagine how that the Mexican man’s heart must have felt... The fear... All for a a stupid card that he didn't even need.

"Damn... Had I only gotten back to the office 3 minutes earlier..."

7 Things

So, I got tagged to do this “7” thing by Vanessa ->“Ness and Filomena."

I think, but I'm not sure, that most of the blogs I read have already done this at some point so I’m not going to tag anybody else... but if you haven’t done it, and you’d like to, by all means feel free to do so… anyway, without further ado, here is my Seven List:

Seven Things I Plan To Do Before I Die:

1. Live in a foreign country
2. Own my own home
3. See a Maryland vs. Duke Basketball game in person
4. Buy something I wrote from a bookstore
5. Learn how to take advice
6. Have a job I love
7. Learn how to make steamed crabs like my Dad

Seven Things I Can Do:

1. Buy good, affordable Xmas gifts at the last minute
2. Write a good email
3. Exaggerate
4. Cook the PERFECT grilled cheese sandwich (Not exaggerating)
5. Talk my way out of a bad situation
6. Listen
7. Drive for a long period of time without a break.

Seven Things I Can't Do:

1. Dance
2. Drive a stick shift
3. Put my shoes away
4. Let go of grudges
5. Give good directions
6. Save Money
7. Keep my desk clean

Seven Things That Attract Me to Another Person:

1. Quirkyness (sp?)
2. Sarcasm
3. Multi-Colored Hair
4. Passion
5. Ability to argue
6. Love of baseball, or at least tolerance of…
7. Looks good wearing clear lip gloss

Seven Things I Say Most Often:

1. Hmmmmm
2. Really!?
3. Pinche ______
4. Umm, No.
5. And what is your ah, dirección- ah, I mean um… address?
6. Du Beta ("You bet" in German, or so I’m told)
7. Sure

FILM VAULT TUESDAY (Week 2)

Before we get into FVT, I wanted to share what I’ve learned over the past week:

[1] 30% of my readers think I’ve already broken my New Year's Resolution… Another 30% thought I would make it the whole year… Just for the record, “NO I have not yet broken my resolution, and NO I will not make it an entire year with out Soda or the Dollar Menu.”

[2] My best friend Moe Green has no idea what warrants a phone call… keep in mind that we work together every day and then usually talk on the phone once per night.

Well he called me this morning at 8:52 and 8:55 to tell me that Phillip Seymour Hoffman won a Golden Globe for “Capote," and the second call was to tell me Steve Carrell won a Golden Globe for his work on “The Office.”

The key to this story is that we were going to see each other in FIVE minutes… that news couldn’t have waited FIVE more minutes… He had to tell me that RIGHT THEN.

And [3] Never blog about cleavage if 75% of the people who read your blog are women… it doesn’t go over so well.

But we’re going to put that, ummm… unfortunate incident behind us and move on to Film Vault Tuesday… YIPPIE!?!?! [insert fake applause]

****************************************************************

Title: Nobody's Fool (1994)

Credits: Paul Newman, Bruce Willis, Jessica Tandy, Phillip Seymour Hoffman

Why: One of my favorite authors is Richard Russo. Some of his more notable work includes Empire Falls, Straight Man, Mohawk, and Nobody’s Fool.

Empire Falls was made into a very good mini-series by HBO. I am not a mini-series kind of guy, but I have to say that I really enjoyed it.

Well, before Empire Falls, there was another Richard Russo novel adapted for the big screen; Nobody’s Fool. The movie had moderate success. It was applauded by critics and people with brains… but it lacks explosions and over the top sex scenes, so most of America forgot to go see it. Which is a shame.

Paul Newman, as expected, gives an amazing performance as an alcoholic and absentee father given a chance to reconnect with his son. The film is every bit as funny as it is touching. Sarcastic and witty one moment, and tear jerkingly poetic in the next.

This movie also gives a first glimpse of Bruce Willis’ acting chops in a serious non-action movie. It opened the door for him to try his hand in other “take me serious” roles such as The 6th Sense and ummm… well that’s about it. But really, he does a surprisingly excellent job in this.

Also, a young Phillip Seymour Hoffman shows potential and holds his own on screen with Newman… a sign of the great things that lay ahead of him.

Remote Stopper Scene: There are several scene’s that I just HAVE to see when I come across this movie… A few that stand out off the top of my head are: The Judge’s Chamber scene with Phillip Seymour Hoffman, all of the Poker scenes, and the final bar scene with Newman and the grandson.

Goosebump/Tear Factor: The room gets a little dusty at several points in the movie, but then again it doesn’t take much to make my eyes water, especially in a broken father-son relationship movie.

Overall Rating: 8.5/10, Just a very well acted movie by all involved. An excellent script, it really captured the spirit of the novel. If you’ve never seen it and you’re a fan of Paul Newman (which everyone should be) it’s a must see. If you have seen it, I bet it’s been a while and you should go see it, again!

KARMA

Because of poor scheduling and a co-worker on vacation I found myself working the 5-6pm hour by myself. It’s happened before so I wasn’t in a panic about it. Sometimes we’re really busy during that time, sometimes we’re totally dead. There is no in between.

On this particular evening we were dead… I was just sitting at the payment desk watching TV and yapping on the phone.

Then, out of the corner of my eye I saw a woman walking towards our front door.
Because of the angle I was positioned in I only got a brief glance and then lost sight of her as she approached.

The brief glance was enough for me to determine that I would probably enjoy the visit. I wasn’t really sure who it was but I did see long flowing black hair and cleavage… lot’s of cleavage.

“Let me give you a call back,” I told my friend on the other line.

When the hair and cleavage finally walked in I was not disappointed. She was nothing short of breathtaking.

She tentatively stepped forward clutching her bill in her hand.

“Jew speaky spanny?” she nervously asked.

“Claro que si,” I replied and I saw the nervousness vanish from her face.

She immediately hit me with several rapid fire questions in a thick Puerto Rican accent.

Between her accent and my wandering eyes it took me a minute to understand exactly what the problem was, but I eventually got everything straight. Turns out she had insurance with another agent from our company, but in a different office. This agent didn’t speak Spanish so she came here to me.

I helped her the best I could, she seemed pleased.

She asked me where I was from, and commented on how good my accent was… Mentioned how Puerto Rican girls love when a Gringo speaks Spanish… She was quite the flirt, but I knew she was only humoring me.

“Y como aprendiste espanol?"

I get asked this question, literally, every day here at the office.

The answer to that question is a little complicated… I learned a little at school. I learned a little from a month I spent with cousins in Mexico… I learned a little from my previous job… I learned a lot from a Guatemalan ex-girlfriend (she of the “New Year‘s Scar“ fame), and a little more from my wife.

Nobody really wants to hear that long complicated explanation, so my time saving stock answer is: “My wife’s from El Salvador…”

“De veras? Que bonito!” is the usual response.

But for whatever reason (I don’t know if it was the boobs, her flirtatious nature, or perhaps just a need to deviate from my stock answer) instead of saying “My wife is from El Salvador,” I said “School… I learned in school.” The words 'wife' never even entered into my brain.

I know what you’re thinking, it sounds sleazy, I know… but I assure you I was not trying to make a pass at this woman or anything of that nature.

Besides the fact that this girl/woman was WAY out of my league, I’m just not that kind of guy… So why did I avoid mention of my wife? I’m still asking myself that question… She hypnotized me with her cleavage? At least, that’s the best response I’ve managed to come up with.

But don’t worry, I learned my lesson. The Karma would strike back, and it wouldn‘t take long.

The conversation turned to how long she had lived in Frederick… 11 years.

“It used to be nice… but not anymore,” she confessed.

“Why is that?” I asked, afraid of the answer I could sense was coming.

She leaned forward, closer to my desk… I fought a battle with my eyes to keep focused on her face.

She cautiously looked around to make sure we were still alone.

“I don’t like it here anymore because of all the Mexican’s and Salvadorans,” she whispered… “They’re so dirty… All they do is drink and fight. And the gangs!? I can’t stand those people.”

Ouch…

She just insulted my wife’s entire family AND my Mexican cousins with that comment… the only thing left for her to do was call my mother a Mick and she could have insulted every single relative I‘ve got.

And of course, I had to bite my tongue… What could I say? My wife is Salvadoran… you know, that wife I didn’t bother to mention? My tongue is not accustomed to being bitten… the pain was sharp.

So there it was, Karma… in the form of a sore tongue.

FILM VAULT TUESDAY (Week 1)

Most of by best ideas come when to me when I’m in the bathroom which I like to call “My Other Office.”

Well, I’m not saying this idea is one of my best ever, but it did come to me while I was in “My Other Office,” so I’m going to run with it.

The idea is pretty simple: “Film Vault Tuesday”

Every Tuesday Night I’ll be going into my DVD collection to find an older movie that I (and hopefully you all) haven’t seen or thought of in a while… The inspiration for this came to me the other night when I was flipping through the channels and came across “A Few Good Men” on HBO.

I’ve probably seen the movie a half dozen times in my life, but it had been such a long time since I've seen or even thought about the movie that I was sucked in. I ended up watching it until the end and had even forgotten some of the plot twists and memorable lines.

I love when I accidentely re-discovery of a forgotten Movie… So my goal is to see if I can re-discover one every Tuesday... I'll reach into my DVD collection and see if I can pull out an oldie but goodie.

I’m not saying that everybody should go rent or watch the movie I pick, it’s just kind of a suggestion as a movie you should think about watching the next time you’re at a Movie Rental Place and can’t think of anything to rent...

There will be some ground rules, but of course I’ll ignore those at my own discretion because well… It’s my idea and my blog. But for the most part I plan on sticking to them and anyway, here they are:

1.] The movie should be preferably more than 10 years old, but at least older than 5.

2.] It’s got to be a good movie, but it can’t be a classic. For example, I wouldn’t be breaking any ground if I said “Hey everybody! Do you remember Goodfellas? That was a great movie… You should go watch it.”

That’s not to say I’ll be picking obscure movies either… Just nothing too obvious.

3.] Bonus points apply for a movie that’s got dated hair styles and music… "Footloose" comes to mind as an example. I mean, who doesn’t enjoy looking at somebody with goofy 80’s hairdo dancing to bad synthesizer music?

Now, having said all that, my first movie fits none of that criteria… I’ll stick to the criteria in the future but for sentimental reasons I have to make this movie my first movie for FILM VAULT TUESDAY…

Title: 25th Hour

Credits: Directed by Spike Lee. Stars Ed Norton, Rosario Dawson, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Barry Pepper

Why: I’m a little biased when it comes to this movie… Spike Lee is my favorite director, Ed Norton is my favorite actor, and as if that wasn’t enough, the movie debuted in theaters on January 10th, my birthday.

Despite my biased opinion, trust me when I say this is one of the most underrated movies in recent memory… Had this film had more marketing behind it, it would have won a trunk full of Oscars and landed on most people’s All-Time Classic list.

Spike managed to get the absolute best out of every actor in the movie. Every scene of the movie is a well crafted piece of art… It’s a very gritty drama about a convicted heroin dealer (Ed Norton) who’s facing 7 years in prison. The movie is the story if his last 24 hours of freedom… How he comes to terms with that, and how he plans to face it. But it’s so much more than that… It follows his group of friends and gives their perspective. It’s about Morality, Love, Trust, Friendship, and so much more.

Like a lot of Spike Lee films it’s also a kind of love letter to New York… What’s unique about this particular letter is that it’s post 9-11 New York. To my knowledge it’s the first major movie to even acknowledge or deal with the fact that 9-11 even happened. But at the same time it's just a periphial aspect to the overall plot of the movie.

I could ramble on and on about it for pages and pages but I'll spare you.

Remote Stopping Scene: You know when you’re flipping through the channels at home and you come across a movie you’ve scene a thousand times, yet you HAVE to stop and watch because “that one scene” is about to come on… you just can’t change the channel until you see “that one part”.

Well for me that part in 25th Hour is “the mirror scene”… The main character is having his last dinner at his father’s bar. Things start to get a little emotional so he excuses himself to go to the bathroom. He’s sad, frustrated, angry, and afraid. He looks into the bathroom mirror, and spurred on by "fuck you" graffiti written on the mirror he unleashes one of the great "Angry" monologues of all time… If I see 25th Hour on HBO I simply CAN’T change the channel until I see that part.

Goosebump/Tear Factor: Several goosebump scenes, including "the mirror scene" mentioned above… but the last 10 minutes really get the eyes watering for me.

Overall Rating: I’d say 9 out of 10... It’ my all-time favorite movie. I’m not saying it’s the best, but it‘s pretty damn good… But then again, I’m biased.

My 20 Year Plan to Become Gandhi

So everyone is putting up their New Year’s Resolution posts… some people are even writing out whole lists of things they want to change or improve. I however, have nothing to show.

I know what my resolution should be… lose weight. But seeing as I just got done washing a 20 piece McNugget meal down with a bucket of Coke, it’s probably not a realistic goal.

So I’ve decided to come up with some realistic goals for things I can improve on in 2006.

- Stop buying so many Sports Jerseys… seriously I only wear one like once a month, maybe… Yet I own close to 20 of them. Half of them I won’t even wear because they cost so much, which makes NO sense… I just spent $150 on a Jersey that I’ll never wear. I’ll just hang it in the closet and admire it once a week.

- Stay away from Ebay!?!? This kind of ties into the above mentioned Jersey resolution…

- Put more effort into my blog posts. (um… starting with my next post of course)

- Knock my wife up. - Self explanatory.

- Improve at replacing the old toilet paper roll… right now, when I finish off the TP roll at my house I’d say the odds of me actually replacing it with a new roll is about 1 in 4.

Don’t get me wrong, I do get out a new roll... It's just that I usually lay it on the sink counter instead of putting it on the plastic tube thingy.

So if I could jump from ¼ odds to ¾, I’d be in good shape.

- Quit breaking cell phones when I’m angry. (unless my boss is reading this because my cell phone certainly did not break due to any actions of my own… Really, I have no idea why the ear piece on my phone stopped working… Seriously, it just mysteriously stopped working. If anything is to blame for the problem it’s the poor craftsmanship at Motorolla.)

- And finally, here is my semi-bold resolution… I think all of my other ones are (for the most part) obtainable and safe, and that’s just boring so instead of just saying “Lose Weight” which is bound to back fire on me, I’ll say this: No more soda, and no more McDonalds Dollar meal… I think that’s what kills me in the weight department. It’s so easy to order your meal (with a coke) and then say, “can you add on a double cheeseburger?”

It’s only a dollar and I always inevitably feel full and have to force myself to take down those last few bites anyway, so NO MORE!

We will no longer be doing business Mr. Dollar Menu... Yes we’ve had a good run, but it’s time to say goodbye… It’s not you, it’s me… You have so much to offer... The McChicken Sandwich, the four piece McNugget… Even the mini-yogurt parfait thingy… and of course how could I leave out that sexy item that caught my eye in the first place- yes the Double-Cheeseburger! the way the cheese melts over the side of the meat patty; the diced little onions mixed with a dab of ketchup... and the pickle slice, oh the pickle slice! Even though I know it’s taken a good half decade off my life I still have to say this: I’ll miss you Double-Cheeseburger… Deeply.

Maybe no soda and no Dollar Menu doesn’t sound that big to you?

Well I’ll just say this: My friend Moe Green is possibly a bigger McDonald's addict than I am and then he saw that documentary “Super Size Me.” (The one where the guy ate nothing but McDonald’s for like a month, and it almost killed him… literally)

Anyway, after seeing this movie Moe was able to kick McDonald’s for like 6 months. He suggested I see it… So I did.

My immediate reaction to seeing the movie was- “God damn, seeing him eat all that McDonald’s gives me a craving for a Double-Quarter Pounder with Cheese!” I wasn’t joking.

So yes, it is a fairly substantial resolution on my part.

And that’s it. That’s my resolution list… I know myself, and I’m just not capable of following through on any big resolutions. I figure if I can’t pull off anything major, the least I can to do is compensate with a volume of minor resolutions… Doesn’t 7 minor resolutions add up to at least one big one? Shouldn’t following through on all that stuff improve me as a human bieng by like 5-6 percent? I think it does.

And if I continue to improve by 5% every year, for 20 years, I would have improved by like 100 percent! at least.

And I’m not that bad of a person right now… So me, improved by 100%, that would make me like Gandhi status... Right?